Help Please

LegacyUser

I am a single mother who was badly hurt in the past by the Father of my child Nothing Physical just verbal abuse which caused me to leave my life and house and relationship behind. I make every effort to keep our relationship now on good terms for my daughters sake.
Recently he has been asking me to try again and i dont feel i can as i dont know if he has changed he goes from good to bad in seconds (temper wise) He will tell me he loves me today and then ring me tomorrow to say i ruined his life.
I have just received a text from him saying he knows its to little to late but he loves me Misses me wants to be with me all the time and i dont know what to say He keeps hurting me because he is hurt and i dont know if i am willing to let him do it to me again.
Do i try or just tell him no chance?

Xiney

I would tell him no chance.

If this guy is going to change his ways, it won't be with you. It's very difficult to reinvent yourself around the same person.

paymemymoney

The fact taht you have posted here shows you have major doubts- so your answer is easy - no way Jose!

Peggypeg

What would be best for your daughter? I doubt it would be listening to her mother getting verbally abused. Also what is best for you? Sounds to me the answer to both questions is for you to tell him it's over and that you aren't interested.

LegacyUser

He may change for a while & he'll have every intention of maintaining it, but he will slip back into his old ways again after a while. Be very careful in what you decide & think of what's best for you and your child long term.

Nevyn

Ok so he treated you so badly that the relationship ended and now he wants a second chance at what? being in that same realtionship?
I don't think so.

That relationship didnt work, why would you want to go there again?

As for things being different a second time around they would want to be,
esp as it is not the same relationship, it would not be taking up were you left off
but started again from scratch all over, he would have to re gain your trust if
that is even possible.

It sounds like he want to try again for his sake and is not thinking about your and the child you both have.

What do you want?

Do you want to start a new romantic relationship with him?
Or just stay with him being the other parent in your child's life?

What does he mean by starting over?
Would be be willing to formally date you as if he was a stranger?

Have a think about what you want, what you need and don't need in your life and what your child does and doesn't need in thier life.

LegacyUser

OP here
To be honest i dont know what i want, i kind of feel in limbo it has taken me 2yrs to get back to the person i was before i met him and i think he sees that i am the person he met not the person i became (i hope this makes sense) My confidence was at an all time low when i left. I started dating again a few months ago but he knows nothing about this. He has pretty much had the single life for the last 2yrs while i brought up our child alone. He has told me several times that he wants to try again but i have always said i am unsure i can forgive the things he has said and done (Locked me out on New Years Eve at 2am and i had to wait in the rain for an hour and stay at my parents house and then the next morning asked did i get home ok) He seems sincere but i dont trust myself to talk to him as i always end up being convinced that he is right.

thefeatheredcat

OP,

You don't need him to validate who you are now and well done to you for raising your child alone.

Even if you don't know what you want, I ask you to take a step back and look at yourself and what you have built for yourself and your child. Then look at your past relationship and who you were then and who your ex was then and how he treated you.

I hope that you will see that you are better and stronger than the confidence shattered woman that left the relationship.

You deserve better than verbal abuse that does leave scars mentally.

Put your child and yourself first; he could only be offering you empty promises to manipulate you to go back to him so that he doesn't have to hurt his pride and ego to make the effort to be a better person that deserves your love and win you back. He'll make you a crutch in the relationship and your child will become an excuse to stay together.

He could be genuine in his actions but I think it would take a lot more than a couple of texts to encourage me back to a relationship with someone who has been verbally abusive. Don't jump when he says to. And I would say if you've recently started dating, he probably knows about it and just trying to ruin a good thing for you out of jealously as it sounds like he doesn't want to be with you but doesn't want anyone else to be either and wants to bring you under the illusion that he will change.

Taltos

OP - blow him off.

He clearly cares nothing for you - 2am on New Years in the rain?
Would you do that to a dog?

Don't give him a second thought - you are dating again and seeing other folk and are more like the old you. Hold onto that thought - keep focussed on being happy for you for always...

This git is probably feeling like a loser - he sees how you are now and wishes he had you back - but only so he would feel good about himself - especially when he starts digging at you again....

Great job on getting your life back on track - now keep it there and tell him that he had his chance - faffed it up royally and that ship has sailed.

Sineadg

I know its tempting when he's the father of your child but the writing's on the wall...if he's been abusive in the past STAY WELL CLEAR. It's neither in your interest nor your daughter's.

LegacyUser

Hi all
Op here
Just wanted to say thanks for all your responses i text him back and said i needed time as i am still unsure but to be honest i am more on the side of no not a chance i have rang and made an appointment to see a counsellor as even though i know i am 100% better then i was 2yrs ago i still have issues and need to sort them out .I know he is feeling that he wants to try but really as soon as i moved in with him i stopped making him happy i was never good enough EG: Ironing housework cooking was never done to his standard so he would redo them. My gut feeling is to say im sorry i cant but when i am with him i crumble.

Peggypeg

Good for you OP, I think councelling would do you no end of good. That man seems to have put you through the mill, don't go back to him, if you're worried that you'll give in, keep putting him off til you see the councellor. A good counceller can help you deal with this situation.