Same sex couples at debs/grads

Killer_banana

Hey my grads is coming up soon and I'm thinking of bringing my almost-girlfriend to it but I don't know how people will react and how to explain it since, although it's no secret I'm bisexual, very few people in my school know. So basically wondering if anyone else has brought a same sex date to a debs or grads or whatever and what kind of experience it was? I really want to bring her but not if I have to spend the night explaining I'm not gay, in denial, confused or 'sick'.

bp1989

I'm sorry to say it, but with the level of maturity I've seen displayed from the vast majority of leaving cert students these days, you should very well expect them to ruin your night with constant whispering, sniggering and eye-balling. It really isn't fair, but I think maybe bringing her wouldn't be the best idea. In a perfect world, everyone wouldn't care, but unfortunately, you'll be in a room full of curious, widely ignorant teenagers.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

spurious

I would ask her what she thought. I would be more worried about how she might feel than what people who I need never see again thought it meant about me.

Almost-girlfriends may not be worth her while facing any possible bigots (though their presence is not guaranteed) but actual girlfriend might make a big difference.

To be honest though, I'm tempted to say skip the grad, take your money and have a great night out with her.

YokoFactor

A lot of girls bring other girls to their debs. It's not a strict guy/girl thing anymore. Guys bring guys, and girls bring girls. But the majority probably only do that because they're just friends or whatever, it's all platonic. I think you could do it though. Just think for a moment about how people might react if they found out. Would they be accepting, or immature about it? Also, take into consideration what people would be like when they're drunk. People change when they get lots of alcohol into their system. Can you imagine anyone you know in your year getting aggressive or violent towards you or your almost-girlfriend?

Boston

Killer_banana wrote: »

I really want to bring her but not if I have to spend the night explaining I'm not gay, in denial, confused or 'sick'.

Don't explain anything. Why bother. I'm often asked the question "What do you say to people who think bi-sexuality isn't real or is wrong or whatever", this answer is, I say nothing. The minute you get into these conversations with people you legitimise their view that they're entitled to an opinion about you and who you have a relationship with.

My debs was about having one last blast with my friends in school, if you're is about your friends then surely what some muppets think doesn't matter?

If it isn't about have fun with friends, but rather this thing you feel you have to do, then I'd recommend taking spurious's advice.

claire h

Depends on how seriously they take the whole grad thing. I did two, with a friend-but-it's-complicated!-type rather than a girlfriend, though, and both were fairly grand but in different ways - one was just 'yeah, cool, whatever' but then giggling in sort of a shocked-but-thrilled way when there was kissing, one was 'oh, you rebel, bringing a girl' in an admiring way but also 'oh my god are you trying to make a point?' from some, often the types who would spend ten bajillion on a dress and for whom the Debs was A Really Big Deal. Don't remember having any of those irritating 'so let's discuss your sexuality' conversations with anyone either.

More importantly as a general thing, really: is she likely to get on with your friends and be comfortable hanging around in a group, or are you likely to spend the entire night glued together? Because if you're looking for a special night with her, as opposed to a good-night-out-with-the-school-crowd-that-you'd-like-her-to-be-a-part-of, you'd be better off skipping it and/or doing that some other time.

Prettyfireworks

i think you should bring her. its your debs, if the other people in your year group have a problem with who you bring thats up to them. as long as your friends are cool with it(if not this may cause problems for you) and you are able to ignore sniggers or 'looks' should any come your way then i dont see why you shouldnt bring her! chances are unless you two are kissing in the middle of the dance floor or something obvious that alot of people will assume shes just a friend anyway!

enjoy the night!:)

renraw

Ah the debs! That was the start of it for me. I went with my then on/off GF just for the sake of having someone with me. Ended up finishing the night with a male friend (brilliant). In my case, nobody gave a sh1te and even some said to me "why had I waited soo long " and thats a few years ago. Cant understand why people would care why same sex couples at debs would be a problem. You'll probably never see them again and at least they will have an unforgettable memory of you for the night!

ElectroSpex

I was completely out and everyone just treated me completely normally. However I only took a female friend to the debs as I'd broken up with the girl I had planned to bring. You could always just bring her as a "friend". It's not that you'd be ashamed of her at all, but just for your own peace of mind, it'd be horrible for the night to be ruined for you both.

smileykey

I know girls who have brought their girlfriends (one of which went in drag) and others who have brought female friends. None of them had anything bad to report on their experinces of it. They would have all had their debs 4/5 years ago mind but I'm sure we haven't taken a step backwards since then. If you wana ask her then do, its your night too you know and you have every right to spend it as you like with whomever you like as a date.

CRonaldo

Yes girls will get away with this but boys will NOT.

azezil

I've been to a debs with a guy about 6 years ago, the only person who had issue with it was his mother. We were even featured in a local newspaper. ^_^

mollzer

Wonder how the OP got on.

philologos

Killer_banana wrote: »

Hey my grads is coming up soon and I'm thinking of bringing my almost-girlfriend to it but I don't know how people will react and how to explain it since, although it's no secret I'm bisexual, very few people in my school know. So basically wondering if anyone else has brought a same sex date to a debs or grads or whatever and what kind of experience it was? I really want to bring her but not if I have to spend the night explaining I'm not gay, in denial, confused or 'sick'.

OP: Does it really matter what people think? I think you should bring your girlfriend if she means that much to you, and if people wish to whisper that is their loss and not yours?

BTW, I don't see why you would bother spending the whole night justifying your position.

Good luck anyhow.

cotwold

Jakkass wrote: »

OP: Does it really matter what people think? I think you should bring your girlfriend if she means that much to you, and if people wish to whisper that is their loss and not yours?

Thats all fair enough but you want to be comfortable at your own debs and not everyone can brush off their own insecurities as easily as others.

I invited a boy i was dating to my debs and after accepting he canceled on me last minute citing something about his parents not wanting him going out during the first week of college. Although i was disappointed i got over it.

A year later we weren't going out and i found out off a friend that he hadn't gone because he was afraid of what people in my school would think, aside from his fears being unfounded that fact that he couldn't share this with me and had lied really hurt me. I couldn't understand why anyone could care so much that they'd put their own happiness on hold.

Frei

I say go for it! If people look at you or whisper just ignore them. These things need to be seen as normal and the only way that is going to happen is if people are visible. If people are uncomfortable or find it strange that's their problem and they need to overcome their prejudices. You shouldn't have to not do something just so other people don't have to deal with it.