Worried...

LegacyUser

My bf and i have been together for well over a year now, and its great! we have the best time together, i love him to bits and i know he loves me too!! We're really good as a couple and we work, but whenever i have to be apart from him i just kind of get really snappy and moody and take my sadness out on him.. i dont want to drive him away, but we end up havin stupid arguments for no reason and both feelin crap after.. I want to get rid of all my insecurities and just stay as happy as i am with him all of the time, but i dont know how!!
Please help, i want to spend my life with this guy!!

Wibbs

Why do you think you do this? I'd bet good money you know better than anyone. We usually do and most of the time others opinions just agree with what we already know.

When you feel yourself doing this kinda thing, what are the things going through your head? What are the reasons for it? Now in fairness at the moment you're doing this you're probably not thinking that clearly. I never am when tipping into getting het up, but after you chill and get feedback from him, what do you think then?

Peggypeg

Hey sweetie, I've done that. My boyfriend is such a softy that I would be let get away with it and that's why I had to stop!! I felt so ashamed making him feel bad, so I decided to watch what I was thinking. When I felt insecure I asked for hug instead of thinking "that b*stard....blah, blah". Easier said than done I know but if you catch it on time and you manage not to act on it, you can redirect it. It becomes habit after a while and you'll feel tonnes better and eventually it'll stop happening, that's what happened with me anyway. Hope that helps a bit.

sachamama

unreganon wrote: »

I want to get rid of all my insecurities and just stay as happy as i am with him all of the time, but i dont know how!!
Please help, i want to spend my life with this guy!!

this is the key to your post.

what are your insecurities? are they realistic? are you imagining things or are they based on past incidents?

maybe write a list of them. show him when you are together, and not fighting, and maybe he can help.

maybe you need therapy? its nothing to be ashamed of. if you want to spend your life with this guy, it'll be worth the effort. and ultimately, you want to spend the rest of your life with yourself so if you have noticed this, you should attend to it! good luck

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies guys... it happened again today.. its like, i always think the worst!! he makes me feel so special and so loved and yet he said today that he's sick of reassuring me every few days that he enjoys spending time with me... i have no reason to think he doesnt, yet say today he asked me to go to a session next week and instead of saying, yeah, brilliant, i'd love to!! i said oh if ya dont get a better offer!! like, i know that it was stupid but i cant help just putting myself way down on his list of priorities even though even i know im nearly top of the list!! im screwed up...

sachamama

funny how you didnt address any of the replies here, do you enjoy being stuck?

LegacyUser

unreganon wrote: »

thanks for the replies guys... it happened again today.. its like, i always think the worst!! he makes me feel so special and so loved and yet he said today that he's sick of reassuring me every few days that he enjoys spending time with me... i have no reason to think he doesnt, yet say today he asked me to go to a session next week and instead of saying, yeah, brilliant, i'd love to!! i said oh if ya dont get a better offer!! like, i know that it was stupid but i cant help just putting myself way down on his list of priorities even though even i know im nearly top of the list!! im screwed up...

You sound EXACTLY the same as my ex. And I'm sorry to say this but this is exactly why we broke up. I think you should heed French23's advice. If my ex-girlfriend had done somthing similar to what that reply suggested I think we'd still be together. It's completely natural to be insecure, but it's unfair on your boyfriend to not do anything about it (in all fairness you obviously doin somehtin bout it are since you started this topic). So I really think you shud act on the advice given here!

BTW I'd appreciate it if you let us know how you get on because I could use the advice with my ex!

LegacyUser

well guys...
its been a few weeks now and by taking your advice i can feel us working better already! even today, i was upset about something a friend of mine did, and i just talked to my OH about it and asked for a hug. he said he couldnt really do anything about it but it was just nice to know i had him there to confide in. he's my best friend and im happy that things are looking up!!

Peggypeg

Good woman!! It's hard I know but you're obviously doing it. Well done!!! Take care not to slip into old habits, keep it going and eventually you'll relearn how to deal with insecurities in a nice way and it'll be automatic.

LegacyUser

Sorry just saw this thread now and felt like I had to reply. I'm pretty much the EXACT same! When I'm with my boyfriend I am soo happy, he makes me feel loved and safe and hopefully i make him feel the same too but when we're apart, especially for over 3 or 4 days I can get really snappy and horrible at times.

After doing alot of thinking over the last few weeks I realised that my behaviour comes from somewhere. This is my second proper relationship and my first one was a disaster. Guy never cared about me in any way, never made an effort etc. I developed alot of insecurities. He'd always say he'd call, then never ever would and I would doubt his feelings (which i should have more because there were none there!) or blame myself for him not having an interest in me, being horrible to me etc.

I finally found the courage to say, no this isn't right and I broke up with him and spent about a year building myself back up, gaining confidence, having fun and then i met my current bf He's the complete opposite of my ex but like everyone (including me!) he makes mistakes, the odd time he might forget to call, or he might be late when we're meeting up. Even something as simple as not texting back straight away (even when I KNOW he's at work and is most likely busy!) brings back old feelings. And at those times my insecurities about how he feels come flooding back and I get cold or snappy, to protect myself I suppose. This tends to be worse when we don't see each other for a while because I suppose i don't get the reassurance of hugs and kisses (which thankfully he gives plenty of when I do see him ) Generally i would keep my thoughts to myself because I don't want him to think I'm crazy or anything lol but the odd comment would come out or he would sense a bad vibe from me. I'm trying to learn to control them by just thinking for an extra second about whether what I'm annoyed about is worth it (cos less face it sometimes boys are stoopid haha..) or simply in my own head which it usually is, and think it's working. All I know is that I want to be with him and I'm sick of hurting him by being so irrational sometimes.

Anyway OP I'm glad things are going well for you. Hopefully the same can be said for me in a little while. Sorry for the long post just when i read the thread it all came flooding out lol.