To move out or not?

LegacyUser

(I'm not sure why I bothered to go unreg, because who I am will be obvious to anyone who knows me, but anyway.)

I lived away from home for 4 years for college, until this summer. My parents funded me - I paid no fees, but they paid my rent and gave me enough money to buy food and pay essential bills with. I have since moved back to my home town to start a 2-year masters program. I moved home temporarily, with the intention of moving out when I got a job. It took me until a few weeks ago to get one. I'm currently working full time until classes start, then part time. I intended moving out in a few weeks, once I had saved enough for a few months rent. Now though, I'm not sure if I'm just being stupid moving out. The reasons I want to are: 1. I'm an adult who should be living independently; 2. My parents impose rules that I'm not happy with, such as my long-term boyfriend being unable to share a room with me when he stays. He lives a few hours away, so this is quite frustrating since I don't have the option of going to his house instead generally, 3; My parents give out to me for having a messy room, spending too much time in my room or on the computer etc. Basically, I find it tough to live life as I want to in this house.

However, looking at it objectively: My parents both work full time and go away to their summer house almost every weekend. Living at home means I pay no rent, bills, get my food bought for me etc. If I were working 20 hours a week, I'd have €200 per week to spend on what I like. If I moved out, it would all be spent on rent, food & bills. My bf can easily stay when they're away, and being at home means I've access to a car to drive to him if it's available. Their house is only 4 or 5 miles from college, so it's not a long commute. I'm really not sure what to do at this stage. I get so frustrated at home that I can't imagine living here for a year or two more.

So basically, I want to move out because I want to live by my own rules and because I feel I'm an adult and I shouldn't be living with my parents. But I'm wondering if I should suck it up and stay at home for now, because it would enable me to be much more financially comfortable. I'd love some advice from others as to what you think the best thing to do is.

To add, my parents are actively trying to discourage me from moving out, so there's no need for any replies giving out to me for sponging or anything.

Jo King

So you want to sleep with your boyfriend in a messy room.You need to be firm with your parents. You should get some brochures for nursing homes and also google some articles regarding abuse of the elderly. leave them around the house and also study them intently. When your parents ask why you are doing this; smile sweetly and explain that you will be choosing their nursing home, and there are some right pi$$holes out there and they would not want to be put in one of those, would they?
After this wait till your boyfriend comes, when they object to his sharing your room, remind them that the house is not a nursing home and the sexes can mingle freely.
When tehy complain about the mess in your room, remind them that the house is noyt a nursing home and institutional standards do not apply.

meditraitor

Fair play to your parents, they are giving you a great deal of support so suck up the small grievances you have with regard to their rules and count yourself lucky.
Good luck with your Masters......;)

Xiney

Jo King, please note that unhelpful posting in PI and RI will earn you an infraction (as it has in this case) or a ban.

Ta,

Xiney

LegacyUser

If i was you id just stay at home, esp if theyre away most weekends cos once you start your course you'll prob be out most of the day Mon-Fri. Plus i take it you earn €200 a week from your part time job..thats not going to go very far with regards to paying rent, food and having a social life.
Also id take the oppportunity to save everything i could during my masters and then once finished go travelling for a year. But that mightnt be your thing.

Of course, if they're really driving you crazy, you could rent a place with a long term lease, and if it doesnt work out just move home again

Innervision

I would stay at home, and maybe use the extra money you'll have on the odd break in a hotel with your boyfriend to make up for not being able to sleep in the same room? Do you have your own car or is it use of the family one you have? Because maybe living at home would allow you to buy your own and you could visit your boyfriend's house more often.

Victor

Your parents need to realise that you are an adult.

You need to realise that you are an adult.

You need to realise that your parents are still your parents.

thefeatheredcat

Hey OP,

I think it's good that your parents are trying to discourage you from moving out as they're probably worried how you'd cope financially and balancing work and college. You've gotten quite far with the course so far, so they want you to do well and not have to worry about bills, rent etc.

You're living under their roof so either you live by their rules or face moving out. I think their terms are fairly reasonable. Do offer to make more of an effort around the house though as you're not paying them rent and respect the house as if it were your own.

With the cash you'll have from working you could always arrange a getaway weekend with your bf and start saving or have some more fun on the weekends.

Get yourself into a better position financially so that you can set yourself up to be really independent in the future and live your own life.

EDIT: Wanted to add:

However, if you really have the desire for independence and you really feel you can't live by their terms, then you should move out. Better to move out for the right reasons with good wishes and on good terms than through tension and fights!

Rev Hellfire

Clearly you should move out.

Your parents are well within their rights to dictate how people behave in their home, just as you will be when you put your hand in your pocket and achieve proper independence by moving out.