What makes a good relationship?

LegacyUser

Hi

I'm a long term reader, occasional poster, but going unreg for this.
Just wondering what everyone thinks about relationships, and how they work...

I was in a long term relationship (finished a yr and ahalf ago) that was full of fun, laughs, adventure, travel and love. I'm 28 & female.

I am now in a relationship for the past year that is not so full of all of the above, but does have them. The main part of the relationship is based on knowing that we will stand by eachother, encourage eachother for what is best, support eachother, admire eachother, be there for eachother, love eachothers annoying things. Of course the sex is great too, and we fancy eachother like crazy.

I have a lifestyle now that I've always wanted. I'm living in a small town after 4 years living abroad, and three years living in places temporarily! Now I feel so comfortable where I live. I love walking down the street and seeing familiar faces, and the feeling of always knowing someone to go for a drink with. I smile constantly, and feel so happy inside. And because of this I am feeling settled in my life... which has got me thinking about my boyfriend and that maybe he could be the one.

I'm confused as to what makes a good relationship that works. Is communication really the key?

My past relationship People always commented on how we were made for eachother. I thought that too for a long time. When really we weren't. We were just 2 people that had lots of good times, and after a few years it seemed I didn't fancy him anymore. He didn't support me for who I am, and we wanted different lifestyles. I ended up unhappy.

What makes a good relationship?
How do I take a chance on a relationship, and be sure that it will work and I won't end up unhappy again?
Is it wrong that I feel this comfort from being back around the town I grew up in? Does this often happen People, or am I latching on to comfort now as it's the easiest thing?

I feel I could spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend, but I am always keeping my distance because I'm scared of getting hurt again.

But perhaps what is not so perfect is in fact better for us as People...
Maybe the love I feel is a different love. Maybe it will be stronger when it reaches it's best.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Peggypeg

I decided to try and answer your post coz no one else has. So... em... yeah I'm not really sure why you posted, is this right? you had a great relationship, it broke up, you are now in another great relationship and you want to know what makes a good relationship? You already know that - one that makes you happy!! Which you are, sounds to me like you need to take the advice "if it's not broke don't fix it"

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply. OP here

Yea that's right. Past relationship perhaps not so good for me as a person. This one is great all round.

I suppose my relationship now is very different and seems to be working well. I am scared of getting in deep again and ending up hurt. Is there any key to having a great relationship?
I thought I had a strong relationship before, and it turns out I ended up unhappy. So I'm confused as to what does make a strong relationship?

I'm a bit confused. Friends seem to meet guys and like them, and then try to change them into how they want them to be! They are happy to argue all the times, and think it's normal to not be open with your partner. I'm not like that and want a strong relationship that can get through the rough stuff.

Wibbs

Could you be missing the intensity of the old relationship? Was the old one very full on and this one is different, more sedate? It could be that you're not as open as in the first as like you said you don't want to get hurt(which is understandable of course)

HugoIrl

Wibbs wrote: »

Could you be missing the intensity of the old relationship? Was the old one very full on and this one is different, more sedate? It could be that you're not as open as in the first as like you said you don't want to get hurt(which is understandable of course)

I can see where Wibbs is coming from, I was in a relationship which was quite intense, constant calls and texts when apart, etc. Currently seeing someone where there is alot more space for me. Felt strange at first not having constant contact but now more open as a person.

I think once your comfortable with the person communication is not a constant medium. Even a look can say a lot more the words when you know each other well enough.

Trying to change someone is wrong, your with them cause they suit you.

LegacyUser

Yes was a very intense relationship. Living together for years, and did almost everything together.

You are probably right. I miss the intensity and I don't!

I love having my space now to do what I want. And I suppose I know that in time the closeness will grow more and more with my new Guy and then we'll become stronger as a team maybe.

Thanks

LegacyUser

Happ1ness wrote: »

Yes was a very intense relationship. Living together for years, and did almost everything together.

You are probably right. I miss the intensity and I don't!

I love having my space now to do what I want. And I suppose I know that in time the closeness will grow more and more with my new Guy and then we'll become stronger as a team maybe.

Thanks

From reading your posts it looks like you might have settled a bit for your current boyfriend, he might love, respect, trust and support you, but he's not the love of your life.
What's better a strong health relationship or true love that can be uncertain.

Wibbs

54645 wrote: »

What's better a strong health relationship or true love that can be uncertain.

What's best is both if you can get it. I think all too often people confuse passion and all that with true compatibility and long lasting love. I blame the movies:). People often have fairy tale notions of love etc and when that cray passion naturally fade with time, they assume they've made a mistake and jump ship. That's the problem with fairy tales they all end with "and they lived happily ever after..." They never tell you how. Prince charming never loses his job, his hair doesn't fall out and he never gets porky. You don't see him helping get cinderellas hair out of her face when she's hurling chunks with morning sickness, or how cinderella junior is a nightmare at school. Thats the important story. Passion and excitement is great, but it ends, or it leaves and comes back if you lucky many times in your life together as a couple. It usually only comes back if both are open to that though.