Seriously why is he still contacting me?

LegacyUser

ok so i wont bore u all with the details but a very long story very short!......i broke up with a guy at xmas after a two year up and down, amzing highs and horrific lows........it took me alot to finally walk away........i then started going out with someone else, the whole time i was going out with new guy the ex was constantly texting and ringing etc begging me to gove it another shot.........this went on for about 4 months.........anyways i broke up with the new guy (nothign to do with ex) and then met my ex for a coffee and he promised me the sun moon and stars.....(part of our problems were his addiction to dating sites) he swore to me he would never go on them again and i was what he wanted.........so after a few weeks of thinking things over i said ok lets do it.......3 weeks of bliss then he starts to get distant again and i found out he was back on dating site........he had no excuses just said 'so what?!' like i was the one with the problem, anyways after a RAGING screaming match it ended again.....that was nearly a month ago.......i get random textas from him now all the time (which i dont reply to) and EVERY weekend he rings me when he is locked..........mostly i dont answer the calls but on saturday night i did and he was begging to come over said he couldnt be without me blah blah blah.........
Before anyone says anything dont worry im not falling for his lies again and i have no interest is giving him another shot what i want to know is WHY is he continuing contact and how do i get him to stop??? Its causing me serious stress

SarahSassy

He sounds a bit cuckoo.. How the hell do you get addicted to dating sites - thats a total BS excuse while he was keeping his options open. Get his number blocked by your mobile service provider - problem solved!

LegacyUser

ok so have already tried having his number blocked, my mobile provider wont do it but say i should go to the gardai........
to top it all off i got a text from him yesterday morning saying 'sorry about the calls, silly me tut tut' and i did reply (stupidly i know) saying thanks for telling me i was your first option.........he replied going 'lucky you lol'........AHHHHH why does this guy think he is so f**kin great........do i threaten him with the guards???

ladymarmalade

Change you phone number immediately or block his. This guy is emotionally manipulative and playing with your mind ............. you deserve better.

Don't allow him to think you will ever be available to him again cos i think he may be getting off on the fact that he will always have youaround but on his terms.

LegacyUser

also cant change my number without maing my employer aware of the situation as its a company phone which i have had for nearly six years and all my business contacts would have the number, would be a HUGE task if i changed it

Miss Fluff

OMG this sounds so so like someone I know. This guy is essentially an attention whore and is "addicted" to sites because attention validates him as a human being. He is an emotional subwit. Block his number, defriend him from any social networking sites and run for the hills.

Wibbs

ladymarmalade wrote: »

Don't allow him to think you will ever be available to him again cos i think he may be getting off on the fact that he will always have youaround but on his terms.

+1. Stop replying. Don't answer his calls or texts. Let them ring out. Delete the text without reading it. Every time you reply you partly enable this behaviour.

LegacyUser

Can you change your mobile provider? O2 definitely can block numbers (I've done this recently) but it only blocks texts, not calls.

Either way, dont reply to his calls / texts any more as this is only giving him what he wants. He'll soon get fed up if you ignore him completely.

shellyboo

Yep, stop replying and stop answering. He won't just magically stop, it might take a month or two for him to get the message - but every time you reply or answer, he thinks he's getting somewhere, and you've just cancelled out all the work you did in scraping him off the last time.

SarahSassy

Will the Gardai call him and let him know a complaint has been made - this might scare him?

LegacyUser

ok im with 02 and i rang them and they said they cant block
Im seriously thinking about ringing the gardai and getting them to scare him.......i just didnt want to have to do that, it seems extreme but i may have no option........
thanks all for your advice........i just cant understand why he continues to do it.......miss fluff i wonder is it the same person!!!!

Wibbs

shellyboo wrote: »

Yep, stop replying and stop answering. He won't just magically stop, it might take a month or two for him to get the message - but every time you reply or answer, he thinks he's getting somewhere, and you've just cancelled out all the work you did in scraping him off the last time.

Quoted for emphasis. Every time you reply or answer you are partly to blame for his continued contact. So stop. If after a month or two he doesn't get the message(and IMHO 9 times outa 10 they do) then call the cops.

shellyboo

wtf??? wrote: »

i just cant understand why he continues to do it.......

He continues to do it because you continue to fall for it. All he wants is attention, your attention. Don't give it to him.

LegacyUser

OP I read your problem and felt as if it could have been a friend of mine typing it so i felt i had to reply... shes been going through this situation for yrs with a bloke and let me tell u its an impossible cycle to break. Wot u need to ask urself HONESTLY is...Do you really want him to stop calling you? Think about it... do u really really want him to stop??
I know you would probably wish for him to fall off the face of the earth, but.... if you really wanted him to stop calling you would stop answering. I would guess that evry1 you no is giving you the same advice but i would bet you just wont listen 2 it.
Stop answering... stop texting.
U no that is the only way to break the cycle.
Otherwise accept it. Harsh but tru.

Darthhoob

ignore him, completely! nothing tell someone to bugger off than completely ignoring them. he is only after your attention, so far you have been giving it (even going out with him again). as tempting as it is. dont answer the phone and dont reply to texts (or even read if you can help it..i know on my phone i have to read to delete :rolleyes:)

LegacyUser

Go to the O2 website & it tells you how to block a number:

http://www.o2online.ie/wps/wcm/connect/O2/Home/Explore+Services/Services/Messaging/Text+messaging/Block+It

kmick

Forget about the Gardai. Just change your number. Your work can give out the new number as needed.

LegacyUser

I was in the same situation as you. Men like that don't change, they are extremely manipulative, compulsive liars, their self steem is very low and they need reassurance from having affairs and meeting other women. Normally they have more than just one girl, they do this for the thrill. They cannot feel love, although they can say beautiful things and normally are very charming.

The best thing to do is ignore them and have no sympathy for them. Don't take his calls or answer his texts, he'll give up at some stage.

G86

Miss Fluff wrote: »

OMG this sounds so so like someone I know. This guy is essentially an attention whore and is "addicted" to sites because attention validates him as a human being. He is an emotional subwit. Block his number, defriend him from any social networking sites and run for the hills.

Sounds exactly like someone I know too, wouldn't be surprised if it was the same guy. Ignore him, block him, do whatever you have to do to cease contact; he's merly seeking attention and when he doesn't get it from you he'll look elsewhere.

LegacyUser

If your with o2 try this its a free service they offer to block numbers link bellow


http://www.o2online.ie/wps/wcm/connect/O2/Home/Explore+Services/Services/Messaging/Picture+messaging/Block+It/

LegacyUser

before you go to the guards ( thats so extreme ) have you actually told the guy you DONT want him contacting you! You get back with him, you answet some of his calls! Just tell him in no unceratin terms you don't want him contacting you and see what happens. If he still continues tell a mate of his, or a family member. The guards should be the very last thing. But if you think he might physically harm you then go to the guards asap.

sam34

make it explicitly clear to this guy that you want nothing more to do with him.

i suggest a text along the lines of "i dont want any further contact with you, dont contact me again, by any means, under any circumstances". he'll most likely reply to that asking why, or "what have i done to deserve that" or other such crap, but DONT reply. never contact him again, ever. imtermittently replying to him is only encouraging him.

LegacyUser

please believe me when i say you have no idea how many times ive told him to stop contacting me. He used to turn up at my apt at all hours and knew the code for the main door so would arrive at my apt door, my brother put a peep hole in the door for me. He turns up at places he knows i will be then overly flirts with girls in front of me to try and get a reaction......i dont react i just leave. We have alot of mutual friends in common and ive told them all that i dont want them telling him what i get up to or want him knowing my business. If i dont answer calls he then will ring me off private number which sometimes i will answer cos my mum and dads house in on private number and everytime i see it flash up i have a fear that its him.......so most of the time i let it ring out.......in the past he has threatened guys ive been talking to when out or my guy friends.......its not a simple case of changing my number! I shouldnt have too........my brother would go for him if he knew this was still going on but he lives in canada so i dont want to upset him but i was maybe thinking if things contimue to just tell my brother and get him to ring the ex

sam34

wtf??? wrote: »

please believe me when i say you have no idea how many times ive told him to stop contacting me. He used to turn up at my apt at all hours and knew the code for the main door so would arrive at my apt door, my brother put a peep hole in the door for me. He turns up at places he knows i will be then overly flirts with girls in front of me to try and get a reaction......i dont react i just leave. We have alot of mutual friends in common and ive told them all that i dont want them telling him what i get up to or want him knowing my business. If i dont answer calls he then will ring me off private number which sometimes i will answer cos my mum and dads house in on private number and everytime i see it flash up i have a fear that its him.......so most of the time i let it ring out.......in the past he has threatened guys ive been talking to when out or my guy friends.......its not a simple case of changing my number! I shouldnt have too........my brother would go for him if he knew this was still going on but he lives in canada so i dont want to upset him but i was maybe thinking if things contimue to just tell my brother and get him to ring the ex

you said in earlier posts that at times you reply to texts or answer calls - you have to stop doing this.
tell him you are going to stop, thenstop.no matter what he says, dont reply.

if your parents have private number, get them to dial 142 before they ring you, that way their number will come up, so you'll know who's ringing.

if you're out and you see him chatting up random girls, dont just leave, that lets him see you're still taking notice of what he does. just ignore him. dont let him dictate what you do on a nightout.leaving is as much of a reaction as going up to him saying "what are you doing"

LegacyUser

i got another text from him this morning..........its doing my head in.........i know i stupidly relpied on saturday night

LegacyUser

Block the texts using the O2 link given in previous posts. The service states that he wont know the texts are being blocked, so it has two advantages in that you dont receive them & he just thinks you're not replying.

This at least takes one form of the harrassment out of the equation.

Jood

I have been in the same position as you, thankfully I think its stopped now fingers crossed. I went on a couple of dates with this guy and decided that I really wasnt that interested and told him I'd prefer if we were just friends, he took it on the chin or so I thought. That was until he would get drunk, he'd ring/text me all the time, now these werent message of undying love or anything it was abuse of the highest order for example, he'd be leaving messages on my phone saying I was incapable of love and how I would never find real love after what I'd done to him, I mean super freaky stuff. I never actually spoke to him and after initially replying to a few of his texts asking him to leave me alone I blocked his number, so the texts stopped, but then I started getting texts from a different number, I swear it was him but I didnt reply. Strange thing is he walked past me in the street yesterday like he never even knew me, suits me fine anyway.

Anyway long winded I know, just wanted you to know you're not alone in this. Just keep ignoring him and I bet it'll stop!!

Best of luck

J x

kjl

There are applications you can get for you phone which allow you to block all incoming contact from a certain number.

I had a similar problem with a girl I dated for like a month, she used to drunk dial me for like 6 months every night, I would always let it go to voicemail but the messages were so bipolar, ranging from "I love you", to "lets be friends", to "I hate you, you sob". When I installed this program I never had to deal with her again

If you are not good with this kind of stuff, ask the IT guy in your workplace, if he is worth his salt he should be able to fix it up for you

GL

kjl

unregistered wrote: »

Go to the O2 website & it tells you how to block a number:

http://www.o2online.ie/wps/wcm/connect/O2/Home/Explore+Services/Services/Messaging/Text+messaging/Block+It

she may not be on o2

shellyboo

kjl wrote: »

she may not be on o2

She is...

wtf??? wrote: »

ok im with 02 and i rang them and they said they cant block

OP, is there a reason you haven't used the Block It service? People have given you the link twice already...

LegacyUser

i didnt know about the Block it system on o2, as i said in my previous post when i contacted o2 about blacking him they told me they couldnt and i should go to the gardai..........i have as of today blocked his number from 'texting me'