Can sex life improve? frustration

LegacyUser

Together a year and a half, both in our mid 20s (her slightly older), living together... but I'm feeling very frustrated at our sex life (or lack of it). Probably the only real problem in what feels like a perfect relationship, a girl I adore in every way.

She seems to find every reason to not have sex, result is I feel I'm always begging for it making me feel rejected and like crap (and her turned off I'm sure). probably over the whole relationship we've probably averaged once or so a week at the most.. which I know is nowhere near some stories posted here of once every few months, but not leaving me feel happy either. Tried talking to her and it seems to get worse rather than better.

Almost seems to be some reason not to, wants to go straight to sleep when we go to bed at night, in a hurry for work in the morning, her period, not feeling well, things on her mind... there's never a right time.

Any ideas?

rallye

Shes getting it elsewhere?

Has there been a gradual decline in her sex drive or has it happened all of a sudden?

LegacyUser

OP here.

No, she definitely isn't getting it elsewhere.

It has rather gone from 'not a lot' to 'less than not a lot'... I don't think we quite started off 'normally', but at the time I put it down to a number of stress points we had in our life. Thing is, it hasn't really gotten any better.

And in every other way things are perfect, very intimate and close in every way, how we kiss, cuddle, hold each other in our sleep... which goes to make this so much harder.

Terodil

OP, in that case you really need to sit down with her and discuss it. Sex is part of any healthy relationship, as is 'being wanted'.

Have you ever talked with her about it? Not at a time when you would usually have sex, but in a quiet moment. Breach the topic in a non-confrontational manner (i.e. don't tell her SHE does too little etc.), tell her what you feel and discuss your expectations.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

Does she enjoy sex?

finbarrk

And there is a fair chance it will even be less frequent with her if ye get married. A big discussion has to be on the cards.

Taltos

You do need to sit down and talk about it.
I would hazard that most couples go thru this at some point - the ones that work talk about it - the ones that don't clam up and act out in different ways.

For all you know she could be under huge stress in work - or have something else on her mind. Maybe by opening up to you what this is it will get better for you.

Also - don't plan out your sex life by what you read on these pages. Everyone is different and for some folk 1ce a week is loads - for others 1ce a day is not enough - hopefully though you are both compatible to each other in the sex-drive stakes.

If it is tiredness then see what you can do to help - maybe going out for walks or spending time away from the house might help. If though as far as she is concerned 1ce a week is too much then you both might need to figure out a compromise or some other way of working it - or worst case agree to separate. See where I am going - we do not know so are guessing - the only one who can tell you what is going on is the person you are with...

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone.

I have talked to her about it a few times and I don't feel it has changed very much.

I’m wondering if I am the one who is so wrong for wanting it?

In her own words, she would not initiate sex unless she was desperately wanting it –I can count those in the past months on one hand. She also said that sex isn’t the only form of intimacy and we are close in so many other ways – which is true, but makes it even more frustrating for me.

I think she enjoys sex, but it’s just very low on her list of priorities, right after everything else is done / finished, after she has watched her soap, read the news, if it’s before 11pm, and she’s not feeling pressure to wake up the next morning (ie. the perfect scenario which never happens).

As for stress / pressure. I’m sure it impacts the present situation (she has just started a new job) but my feelings on this are longer-term, and things were little different when she had fewer reasons to be stressed. It’s also nothing close to the stress and constant something pressure we’ll face the day we have kids…

finbarrk

I would guess that if she has kids thats the end of whatever bit of a sex life you have.

Terodil

It's definitely not wrong to want sex as part of the relationship! Don't even start believing that. It's absolutely normal to fancy sex and to feel desired. Her statement is lukewarm, to be honest. I assume you told her how big a matter this is to you, so her saying 'yeah well I just don't see it as important, deal with it' demonstrates a certain deficit in considerateness.

I'm therefore not quite sure if you aren't wearing your rose-tinted glasses at the moment if you say that everything is so great together. Is there absolutely no spark on her side to devour you clothes on or clothes off? Was there in the past, I mean you said it hasn't changed much, but what about the initial relationship stage?

If this is not a temporary problem, and all you told us points in the direction that it isn't, then it seems as if you'll have to make up your mind if you want to stay in a platonic relationship (which would be perfectly fine, as that can be wonderful too) or if you want to leave for a relationship that satisfies (may satisfy) you on all counts (which would be perfectly fine too). I just feel by your description that a platonic relationship may not be for you.

LegacyUser

the girlfriend ...

so ... my boyfriend just showed me this post and we had a lengthy discussion ... which has lead to no where ... and since I feel quite uncomfortable talking to friends about this, I wonder what the unbiased (mostly) opinion of others would be.

After reading my bf's post, I am pissed off. I suppose I am pissed off because he has calculated the 1 time / week average based on our total time together, half of which (3/4 according to him) we were living in different countries. I think this is ridiculous. For him apparently nothing but penetrative sex counts in the equation ... correction - it counts when we both get "pleasure" (as opposed to just me or him). What I am even more pissed off is that I feel like any romance and intimacy in our relationship has been reduced to how often we fck. I feel like we are becoming like those people fighting over how much each paid for what and how often only that our bill is the number of times / week ... not necessarily a turn-on.

In his favour, I have not been responding to his needs as often and as readily as he would have liked to. I realise that and have been trying to be more "proactive", which seems to get the "I don't see any difference" from him. I do enjoy sex with him and feel attracted to him, but have suffered from recurrent vaginal problems and gone through a biopsy since the third month we were together and I am still not feeling 100% ok ... He is next to me reading what I am writing right now, and responds "and you haven't gone to a gyn since when?" ... since March or April. I keep planning it but not doing it.

Basically, I feel a complete lack of understanding from his side, and think he is uncapable to accept and let go after a "no". And, no, I do not feel like having sex every night, but I don't think that makes me a horrible gf, and have not counted the times we have done it per week ... but his post was written after a week when we had sex 2.5 times (the half is from the type of intimate moments he does not count as sex) (he says "after not seeing each other for 2.5 weeks").

As I said, I realise that I am not giving him as much as he would like, and I have told him lately to stop making scenes after a "no" and to get over himself. I know it is not sweet, but I am fed up with feeling guilty for not giving him what he wants as often as he wants it. I just wish he appreciated our intimate moments for what they are, and not simply as a prelude to sex.

This whole discussion seems to be getting us no where ... and is not really helping the situation. I do absolutely adore him, and I think we are very happy together ... I just don't really know how to handle this situation ... advice would be appreciated especially since now you have both sides of the story

VaioCruiser

Hello GF

As a much older guy.. I see here the classic differences in how guys and girls communicate and also the difference in how we interpret sex.

First of all it is very very common for one partner to have a higher sex drive than the other. Carving out a relationship is about adjusting our needs to suit each other, so that both partners are happy. One will not get enough, the other will get too much... such is life and love.

GF - men express their love for their partner through sex. So not only have they usually a high sex drive, but they have a need for sex in order to demonstrate how they feel. It is not a conscious thing only, it is also a deep instinctive thing. Women show they love through a much wider range of romantic, intimate and affection based ways. The trick, again, is in understanding these differences and adjusting to them.

I agree with you that his post did not reflect the whole story. I hope readers here note this, because NO ONE who posts about their predicament EVER post the whole story. It is human nature and the reason why I don't condemn people based on one side of a story.

I also agree that BF needs to broaden his horizon of what sex is, and the real value and enjoyment of intimacy and love making without penetration. And I wonder how much sex he would want if his d*ck was causing him the same kinds of problems as your vagina.

The thing is ... at least now you are communicating about it. It is an interesting media, to communicate via this thread ... but whatever works works
I think you both need to really sit down to this more seriously now. You have a great chance, it seems to me, to avoid a meltdown that was coming down the track. You need to talk openly about all of this. Lay it ALL out on the table. Learn and understand about how differently men and women communicate. Adjust your relationship to try to allow for each other's needs. Spend more time making love and less time concentrating on hydrolics :rolleyes:

All the best

finbarrk

Well GF, I think you are lucky to have a BF that is patient at the moment. He is also honest and that has showed in the fact that he has involved you in this thread.
You obviously have issues re your health. I can see where he is coming from though and his main worry is, i think is that, if you commit yourselves to each other, is the sex going to get less frequent? And thats a big worry for any man, no matter how nice a girl you are.

SheRa

^^^^^+1 by a million. (sorry I meant Taltos post, I find Finbarrk's post quite offensive actually. Finbarrk imagine you have a painful infection on your p*nis. Would you be feel lucky that your girlf is being patient then I wonder?).

To the OP's girlfriend. That took a lot of guts to come on and post. Fair play to you. I would say that you should go back to your doc pet:). I know that its uncomfortable and embarrassing going to the doc again about this kind of thing and tests can be uncomfortable too, but vaginal discomfort is awful and you shouldn't have to put up with it. Mind yourself.

SarahSassy

Why did ye move in together with such a large issue in your relationship??? You should not have futher committed until all the lights turned green and they havent - there is one red light and its sitting like a big elephant in the corner...

Maybe ye should take a sep back, move out and start to date again. OP's girlfriend - your post sounds very aggressive - was it intended that way?

LegacyUser

OP didn't refer to his GFs health problem I think but beware of getting married until you sort this out. Myself and OH were at it like rabbits before marraige but once the ring went on sex went out the window.

Peggypeg

Hey have to say, if I was the GF I think I'd feel aggressive too. She's not a brood mare, what's wrong with once a week? I think I'd start to feel pretty bloody upset if my bf got on line and said all the OP said without mentioning the very important fact that the GF has some medical issues. BIG hugs to you GF and also you don't need to justify your libido to anyone, and certainly not here, by all means discuss it and see what can be done. At the end of the day it's your body and if you're having s*x when you don't want it to keep someone else happy you are going to end up one very disgusted and unhappy little bunny.

finbarrk

But the unhappy bunny is the guy. The girl is happier.

Terodil

TBH there is far more wrong in the relationship if they now discuss it in front of a whole forum on the internet than just cr*ppy/inexistant sex.

I'm not going to comment any further as saying A is right, B is wrong is certainly not going to help you. Talk it out quietly and try to be calm about it. Look at it from all sides, know what you both want in life and see if you can make those concepts meet. Couple counselling may help if you are unsuccessful.

shellyboo

French23 wrote: »

Hey have to say, if I was the GF I think I'd feel aggressive too. She's not a brood mare, what's wrong with once a week?

There's plenty wrong with once a week if your sex drive calls for once a day. And hey, what's wrong with once a day?

French23 wrote: »

BIG hugs to you GF and also you don't need to justify your libido to anyone, and certainly not here, by all means discuss it and see what can be done. At the end of the day it's your body and if you're having s*x when you don't want it to keep someone else happy you are going to end up one very disgusted and unhappy little bunny.

Ok, so the GF doesn't have to justify her libido, but the BF does? Well, that's really fair.


Compromise is what's needed here folks, and more effort on both parts. The BF should be more understanding, the GF should be more willing to have sex a little bit more often. Nobody's wrong in this scenario, but the fact that you're both insisting that you're right is what's stopping you moving forward.

prinz

shellyboo wrote: »

There's plenty wrong with once a week if your sex drive calls for once a day. And hey, what's wrong with once a day?.

There's nothing wrong with once a week if your sex drive calls for once a week

shellyboo wrote: »

Ok, so the GF doesn't have to justify her libido, but the BF does? Well, that's really fair..

In this case I'd say yeah he does. The GF obviously has medical issues which affect their sex lives, she seems open to other forms of enjoyment so perhaps the BF needs to just chill out for a while, and focus on the health issues and recovery, rather than humping her leg every time she shows an interest in intimacy. Reminds me of a line from a great film.."it was better than sex....we held each other".

shellyboo wrote: »

Compromise is what's needed here folks, and more effort on both parts. The BF should be more understanding, the GF should be more willing to have sex a little bit more often..

+1, but really the issue with penetrative sex IMO needs to be put on the back burner until the health issues are resolved, and OP's GF, if you are still having problems go to a doctor, go to a second doctor whatever, but don't do it when you have time, do it NOW for crying out loud.

shellyboo

prinz wrote: »

There's nothing wrong with once a week if your sex drive calls for once a week

Exactly my point my dear! I never said there was anything wrong with once a week - unless your sex drive is higher than that!

prinz wrote: »

In this case I'd say yeah he does. The GF obviously has medical issues which affect their sex lives, she seems open to other forms of enjoyment so perhaps the BF needs to just chill out for a while, and focus on the health issues and recovery, rather than humping her leg every time she shows an interest in intimacy. Reminds me of a line from a great film.."it was better than sex....we held each other".

Maybe I'm cynical, but I know the "medical issues" line myself, because I trotted it out like a mad thing when I didn't want to have sex with my ex. And I have a strong suspicion that the "intimate moments" the gf is talking about do not include any sexual activity for him at all, sounds to me like she's talking kissing and cuddling, which only serve to make the bf more frustrated and horny, which in turn is irritating her because she can't touch him without him jumping on her.

I'm absolutely not running down her medical issue - but she owes it to her boyfriend to get it sorted sooner rather than later and not keep putting it on the long finger IF it is indeed affecting their sex life.

prinz wrote: »

+1, but really the issue with penetrative sex IMO needs to be put on the back burner until the health issues are resolved, and OP's GF, if you are still having problems go to a doctor, go to a second doctor whatever, but don't do it when you have time, do it NOW for crying out loud.

I agree with this. But again, I have a feeling that the medical issue may be hiding a greater problem with the GF's sex drive or lack thereof - this is purely from my own experience though, so it's quite likely I'm way off-base.

prinz

shellyboo wrote: »

And I have a strong suspicion that the "intimate moments" the gf is talking about do not include any sexual activity for him at all....

Well she did point out that the OP is not counting times when one or the other get "pleasure" besides penetrative sex..

shellyboo wrote: »

....sounds to me like she's talking kissing and cuddling, which only serve to make the bf more frustrated and horny, which in turn is irritating her because she can't touch him without him jumping on her.....

Well that's the BF's problem. He seems to have difficulty accepting that kissing, cuddling etc does not always lead to sex. As a fella I can empathise but it's just something you have to come to terms with.

shellyboo wrote: »

I'm absolutely not running down her medical issue - but she owes it to her boyfriend to get it sorted sooner rather than later and not keep putting it on the long finger IF it is indeed affecting their sex life.

Absolutely. She owes to herself first.

Peggypeg

Shellyboo "Ok, so the GF doesn't have to justify her libido, but the BF does? Well, that's really fair. "

Shellyboo, I didn't say the BF has to justify his libido.

shellyboo

shellyboo wrote: »

Maybe I'm cynical, but I know the "medical issues" line myself, because I trotted it out like a mad thing when I didn't want to have sex with my ex. And I have a strong suspicion that the "intimate moments" the gf is talking about do not include any sexual activity for him at all, sounds to me like she's talking kissing and cuddling, which only serve to make the bf more frustrated and horny, which in turn is irritating her because she can't touch him without him jumping on her.

She said she was having biopsies and so on - doesn't sound like nothing to me. And it sounds very much like these 'intimate moments' are oral sex. I actually had this exact same problem with my ex, I couldn't have sex for quite a while because of medical problems and he started to resent me for it, despite the fact he was getting oral sex and other stuff almost every day! I found it really unfair because I wanted to have sex as much as he did, and his lack of comprehension just came across to me as selfish. I had to worry about my medical issues and I had to worry about my boyfriend acting like a child about it.

shellyboo

prinz wrote: »

Well that's the BF's problem. He seems to have difficulty accepting that kissing, cuddling etc does not always lead to sex. As a fella I can empathise but it's just something you have to come to terms with.

And the fact that kissing and cuddling with someone who has a high sex drive is likely to make them want sex is something that the GF has to come to terms with. It's not nice to be rejected time and again, it absolutely batters the self-esteem. More understanding is needed on both sides.

French23 wrote: »

Shellyboo, I didn't say the BF has to justify his libido.

But you say she should only be having sex on her terms. What about the boyfriend's libido? Do we just forget that he has one?

shellyboo

[quote=[Deleted User];62026530]She said she was having biopsies and so on - doesn't sound like nothing to me. And it sounds very much like these 'intimate moments' are oral sex. I actually had this exact same problem with my ex, I couldn't have sex for quite a while because of medical problems and he started to resent me for it, despite the fact he was getting oral sex and other stuff almost every day! I found it really unfair because I wanted to have sex as much as he did, and his lack of comprehension just came across to me as selfish. I had to worry about my medical issues and I had to worry about my boyfriend acting like a child about it.[/quote]


She said one biopsy. Again, I am not denying that her medical issue exists - mine did too - but when the issue was resolved, I didn't automatically turn back into a sex-crazed fiend. There was an underlying problem that had nothing to do with my medical issue, and everything to do with my relationship with my boyfriend. I'm just cautioning against reaching for the convenient excuse when really it may just be a case that she doesn't want to have sex with her boyfriend, for no reason other than she just doesn't want to. That's a problem that no gynaecologist can fix.

prinz

shellyboo wrote: »

And the fact that kissing and cuddling with someone who has a high sex drive is likely to make them want sex is something that the GF has to come to terms with.

So what she should stop that too Wanting a snog and a cuddle without it ending up with full sex is not a rejection. If I had an OH who threw a teenage stroppy tantrum everytime they didn't get what they wanted I'd get sick of it too pretty quickly, and they'd be even more unlikely to get what they want. Good lord there's more to life than sex, are you trying to tell me every time you snog a fella you feel obliged to shag him into the bargain so he won't feel rejected?

VaioCruiser

In a relationship no one has to justify anything. Where people love each other, their main priority should be the happiness of their partner, not THEMSELVES. Otherwise it ain't love, it's infatuation !

It is clear to me that these guys need to do a lot more talking. It's not a matter of who is right and who is wrong. Both need to learn how best to make the other happy.

BF has to start growing as a man and learning how to enjoy a fulfilling sexual relationship without obsessing on penetration. The GF needs to realise that her BF needs her to be affectionate and even when she may not feel like it, she should be happy to play along. That is part of what it means to have a loving relationship. The BF needs to step back a yard or too and realise that his GF is suffering some real physical problems here and if he really LOVES her, he should be happy to put his needs on hold while she is sorted out.

Love is about the other person.

All the best.

shellyboo

prinz wrote: »

So what she should stop that too Wanting a snog and a cuddle without it ending up with full sex is not a rejection. If I had an OH who threw a teenage stroppy tantrum everytime they didn't get what they wanted I'd get sick of it too pretty quickly, and they'd be even more unlikely to get what they want. Good lord there's more to life than sex, are you trying to tell me every time you snog a fella you feel obliged to shag him into the bargain so he won't feel rejected?

She shouldn't stop it! I never said she should stop it. What I'm trying to point out is this:

Currently what happens is, they cuddle. He gets horny, she gets annoyed and rejects him... he gets annoyed. Right?

Now, it's natural to refuse sex if all you wanted was a cuddle. It's also natural to get horny when you're close with your sexy gf. So why is everyone annoyed? Why must there be annoyance at all? Instead, can there not be acceptance that she can't help not wanting sex right then and there, and he can't help wanting sex?

Nobody is right and nobody is wrong in this situation. What I am pointing out that in this situation, it's not just the poor beleagured gf who's got a right to be annoyed. I've been in the position of being refused a lot, and while I tried to keep the stroppy tantrums to a minimum, it IS a rejection, it DOES affect your self esteem and it's not nice, at all. Having been in both situations - refuser and refusee - I'd be the refuser every time, because you're in control of the situation at least.

I have sympathy for both partners, but ultimately, sex is great. I am pro-sex. Hence I'm leaning towards her making a bit more of a compromise than him, because I feel it would benefit them BOTH long-term. If she can get back to enjoying sex again, that would be great for her, not just for him.

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks for your replies, and thanks to my girlfriend for her reply. It’s a strange form of communication…

Re the ‘health issues’ and why I didn’t go into that detail. I did mention to stress points early on in the relationship in my first post. I have always been by her side going to the gynaecologist, but I cannot be the one going for her. If I had an issue that was affecting our relationship in that way (and that she felt so strongly about), I imagine I would do everything to get it sorted… while at the same time, I know it’s not easy or pleasant...

I also don’t think I throw a tantrum everytime I’m ‘rejected’. In my initial post, said it’s about a feeling of frustration building for quite a while… , and on Sunday night I felt frustrated enough to post that. It was another night when we were up until late doing other stuff, then had time to cuddle etc... and once I tried to take it a step further, she was ‘too tired and wanted to sleep’.

‘Other forms of intimacy’ … I’m sorry to be crude here but I don’t consider a handjob where I’m told to keep my hands away from her and not reciprocate as ‘sex/sharing sexual intimacy’. I appreciate other forms of intimacy (and I was very clear in my posts about how close we are at a kissing, cuddling etc level, something I adore) but I do not see these as replacing sex… and by sex, I don’t mean penetrative sex either.

I don’t think I was ‘counting the times’ but I made a rough estimate of how much I though we had on average, and I don’t think if it was once, one and a half or twice weekly it would make much difference to how I feel. Truth is, again I think it’s been about a week since anything ‘intimate’ in a sexual way has happened… and I can’t see a specific reason for it.

I see a lot of what others are saying about wider problems – truth is, I don’t feel there are any. I think beyond this issue (and the normal disagreements two people can have), we genuinely make each other happy....

Darthhoob

my OH had a tooth abcess that made him feel quite ill and sickly for the first few years of our relationship. i had a much higher sex drive than him...we were pretty much only having sex once a month back then. ofc i always took it to heart....esp as it's always seen as men=high sex drive and women=faking a headache. i had the misconception that he should be all over me if he fancied me...esp early on. but he just didn't have that drive, he had medical issues.

after they were sorted we had the same sex drive...pretty much

currently i have a low sex drive as i'm pregnant, and the OH is randy every night :rolleyes:

sex drives alter and adject alot...and alot can affect someone's sex drive. i assume the OP's GF is not feeling, or even thinking about sex whilst she has a medical issue.

you really need to address that hun, i know it can embarrasing but trust me...they've seen it all before and you cannot let this affect your relationship. and the OP needs to be understanding of that in the meantime.

sex is POINTLESS unless BOTH people feel like it and want it.

Darthhoob

shellyboo wrote: »

And the fact that kissing and cuddling with someone who has a high sex drive is likely to make them want sex is something that the GF has to come to terms with. It's not nice to be rejected time and again, it absolutely batters the self-esteem. More understanding is needed on both sides.



But you say she should only be having sex on her terms. What about the boyfriend's libido? Do we just forget that he has one?

you're basically saying a woman should have sex with her fella, even when she doesn't want to...how on earth is that fair??

chances are...the bloke will want sex when she does, so it is fairer to ask HE wait rather than Her put out.

Peggypeg

I have to say alot of the stuff being said is giving me the creeps. The idea of having s*x with someone when you don't want to have s*x, just to keep them happy, makes me feel queasy. I was of the opinion that our bodies are our own, no means no, etc. I don't think love is about loving someone more than yourself either, I think it's alot harder to quanitify than that.

I have to say and you may all disagree but I think s*x when you're not in the mood and feel obliged to "provide" is just plain crap, crap s*x is not going to improve your s*x drive. I wonder do the genders have a different perception of this?

LegacyUser

French23 - Male here and I've had sex before with my OH when I wasn't entirely in the mood. Don't see the big deal to be honest.

shellyboo

French23 wrote: »

I have to say alot of the stuff being said is giving me the creeps. The idea of having s*x with someone when you don't want to have s*x, just to keep them happy, makes me feel queasy. I was of the opinion that our bodies are our own, no means no, etc. I don't think love is about loving someone more than yourself either, I think it's alot harder to quanitify than that.

I have to say and you may all disagree but I think s*x when you're not in the mood and feel obliged to "provide" is just plain crap, crap s*x is not going to improve your s*x drive. I wonder do the genders have a different perception of this?

Well, I'm a girl and I know for a fact that making the effort to have sex even when you *initially* do not want to DOES increase your sex drive. Because I've done it.

That said, I've also been in situations where I've made the effort and still not been in the mood and had to stop. That's ok too. The point is that it's very easy to slip into a situation where it's just a blanket "no" because saying no is easier than working through all the reasons why you may or may not want to say no; and it's easier to just say no than to TRY and get in the mood, and then not be in the mood... etc etc etc. It's a huge effort. I'm not denying that. But it's worth making the effort to save the relationship, surely?

I agree that no-one should feel obliged to "provide" anything, sex is not a gift, and it's not a service that one performs for someone else. What it IS is an expression of affection and love. It's not, in any way, shape, or form, a bad thing; and couples should be enjoying it. It shouldn't be a point of contention. For this couple it is - so something needs to be done. And telling the bf to shut up complaining and live with it, is not going to fix the problem here.

LegacyUser

OP again.

One more thing I should add.

I don’t think the whole issue is about asking her to have sex with me when she doesn’t want to – it’s part of the issue and as the topic has progressed has become even more so, but that wasn’t where I was starting from with my first post…

There have been enough times when has clearly said she felt like it (Sunday night being one) but didn’t want to because it was too late etc… while at the same time it wasn’t too late for so many other things until that given time.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

French23 - Male here and I've had sex before with my OH when I wasn't entirely in the mood. Don't see the big deal to be honest.

Indeed. It is part of a loving long term relationship. It is part of what it means to love. If we love someone we choose to share our body with them sometimes to make them happy. It is perfectly normal and a sign of a mature loving relationship. It is not always about us us us.

All the best.