Can sex improve?

LegacyUser

I've been with my partner for a few months. Friday night was the first time we had sex and it was not great, mainly because he could not last very long. He didn't really say anything other than he was so excited by me he could not hold back. I know it can take people a while to get into the swing of things with a new partner, but I really need good sex and lots of it. Has anyone else had to give it a few times before things improved? My last partner was the man I lost my virginity to and even my first time was fantastic, as were all the others. Part of me thinks maybe I'm viewing my previous partner with rose-tinted glasses because my current partner is definately much better for me in every other way apart from sex. He is kind, attentive and is crazy about me (tells me this a lot). I really want this to work and in a lot of ways I think he might be the one. Can the sex get better? Maybe I need to gently guide him a bit, even though he probably has had more partners than me? How long before this gets to be deal-breaker? Any advice or help greatly appreciated!

Nervous Wreck

When I started going out with my last gf, I climaxed far too soon every single time. Until. We talked about it and made a conscious effort to work at it. We had a lot of sex and made a lot of effort and after a couple months, I could last as long as I wanted. Ended up being the best sex either of us had ever had. It can and will get better if you keep open communication and make a concerted effort.

star-pants

Not to sound rude, but you're saying that after *one* time of having sex, should you continue?? Just the 'I need good sex and lots of it' and you're barely giving this guy a chance.
I would assume everyones first time with a new partner can be nervous/exciting etc. As he said himself, he was just excited, it happens. What if you'd been nervous and he couldn't get in. Should he give up on you because of one time?

finbarrk

It's hard to understand how you need 'good sex and lots of it' if you have been with him for a few months and only had sex for the first time last weekend?

Wagon

Give the bloke a chance. Maybe you can work at it together?

Wibbs

Sometimes it improves, sometimes it doesn't. Some are simply better at it than others. Some are more compatible than others. Some need more of a an emotional connection or physical spark than others. You say he's kind attentive and good for you. Are you in danger of going from a guy who was bad for you to his opposite number and forgetting about the needed sexual connection?

Regardless you won't know from one shot at it that's for sure. The first time is often the most awkward, so I'd put good money it'll improve with time. That's not to say it will get better enough to satisfy you. You'll know that after you give it a chance though.

shellyboo

Wibbs wrote: »

Sometimes it improves, sometimes it doesn't. Some are simply better at it than others. Some are more compatible than others. Some need more of a an emotional connection or physical spark than others. You say he's kind attentive and good for you. Are you in danger of going from a guy who was bad for you to his opposite number and forgetting about the needed sexual connection?

This hits the nail on the head. It might get better, it might not - the key is communication. You're going to have to be patient and show him what you like, and even then it may not work.

On another note, OP, if "good sex and lots of it" is a dealbreaker for you, you don't have the luxury of waiting a few months before sleeping with someone for the first time. I'm just the same, sex is a dealbreaker - hence I make sure to find out whether it's gonna be good or not before I get myself invested.

shellyboo

shellyboo wrote: »

On another note, OP, if "good sex and lots of it" is a dealbreaker for you, you don't have the luxury of waiting a few months before sleeping with someone for the first time.

:eek: What a load of bullscheese.
Waiting until your ready is not a luxury.
Some people have a perfectly reasonable need to build trust and feel a reciprocated emotional investment before they sleep with others.
And what is wrong with that!

OP your being unfair to this guy, judging him on one awkward night.
Unless of course he didn't attempt to give you a happy ending.
Which is just rude.

shellyboo

Moonbaby wrote: »

:eek: What a load of bullscheese.
Waiting until your ready is not a luxury.
Some people have a perfectly reasonable need to build trust and feel a reciprocated emotional investment before they sleep with others.
And what is wrong with that!

Never said there was anything wrong with it, I said that if "good sex and lots of it" is your dealbreaker, then you can't wait months and months to find out about it and then complain when it's not there.

That'd be like saying "I only date blonde men" then going around with a blindfold on for months, only to dump him when you take it off and see that he's a redhead.

If you *know* that something is a dealbreaker for you, then you owe it to yourself and your partner to make sure it's not going to be an issue for the relationship before getting emotionally invested.

You can't have it all ways. If she needs to wait, she can't complain when the sex isn't all she'd hoped.

Darthhoob

wow, if i based my current relationship on the first time we had sex i would have missed out on the best 6 years of my life (so far). the first time was a bit of a disater tbh (we both agree lol)...but it's superb now. nerves and lust have alot to do with things. my partner hadn't had sex for two years before meeting me, so he was very nervous.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here,
Thanks for the replies. I get the contradiction between needing lots of sex and holding off on sleeping with my current partner. I meant that when I was in my last relationship we had great sex frequently and it became very important for me. Even though it was my first sexual relationship my ex was amazing in bed, even for my first time-which all my friends had told me was crap for them.
I held off on my new partner because I am not someone who can have sex with someone and then decide if its worth it. I guess I want it all-the sex and the relationship-if I could merge the two guys I'd have one decent partner!!! I really wanted to hear from people who had "questionable" first night sex and then improved-do guys really want a list of your likes and dislikes the first few times? It's new for me because I had no experiance the last time and let my partner take the lead for a few weeks before I got to know what worked best for me.

sunnyside

I definitely wouldn't decide to give up unless there had been a few negative experiences in a row. Give it another chance.

kjl

claire12345 wrote: »

I've been with my partner for a few months. Friday night was the first time we had sex

Theres your problem right there, he probably had the yips, he will calm down after a while and you will enjoy it more.

Some people have to find each others rhythm

shellyboo

claire12345 wrote: »

I really wanted to hear from people who had "questionable" first night sex and then improved-do guys really want a list of your likes and dislikes the first few times? It's new for me because I had no experiance the last time and let my partner take the lead for a few weeks before I got to know what worked best for me.

It's not really as simple as likes and dislikes, it's much more subtle... think about the way your old partner lead you into knowing what worked, that's how you're going to have to be with this guy.

It's definitely worth taking the time to experiment a bit more with the guy - think about your ex, he took the time to coach you and didn't just write you off because of lack of experience!

barleybooley

Have you never been told that first impressions aren't everything OP? So, the poor guy was so thrilled that he was getting some from his girlfriend for the first time that he got over-excited, big deal, at least it shows he's very into you, no? Wouldn't it be worse if he didn't/couldn't come at all?

This was your first time with each other so maybe because it wasn't a one night stand, your expectations might've subconsciously been high?

As for the previous partner being good the first time, this could just be a memory through rose-tinted glasses as you said. If that guy was your first, then you'd nothing to compare it to so I wouldn't heed that too much.

You're obviously with this guy for reasons apart from sex so I take it you really like him? If this is the case, then there's no reason you two can't work at it and have lots of fun doing so, OP.

Best of luck!

Peggypeg

Hey, some good news for you, first few times were crap, next few alright, now - absolute bliss. It does improve, I'm with my BF 3 years now and the sex is brilliant, like I say it was crap at the start, now it's brill. Hang in there.

Faith

During the first few weeks with my boyfriend, sex got better every single time we did it. Of course it can improve! You start to learn each others bodies, what the other person likes, etc. Sometimes it will be amazing from the word 'go', but more often than not, it takes a little bit of time to get to the best it can be.

VaioCruiser

claire12345 wrote: »

Friday night was the first time we had sex and it was not great, mainly because he could not last very long.

I find this statement very curious. It implies that you stopped after he came. Why would you do that ? Did you go again and he didn't last long the second time ? what about the third time ?

Or did you just abandon after the first time ? If so then I have to wonder how experienced both of you are and why on earth this early climax had any negative impact on your sex at all ??

All the best.

LegacyUser

Hi Vaiocruiser
I do not want to be graphic as it would be inappapropriate for this forum.
We had sex several times, during all of which he climaxed very quickly, within a few minutes. I love that part of sex and would happily have less oral etc for more penetration. I am just interested in others' experiances of what happened when they had this issue.
FWIW, he is more experianced than I am-he is older than me and I've only had one other partner. He kind of treated the rapidity of his climax in a jokey way and just said it proved how excited he was to be in bed with me-I was excited too but guess I just thought it would be better. Maybe he was embarrassed and the jokey approach was his way of covering it up? I'm wondering if he thought it was ok or if we should have a chat-but I think its too soon for that and perhaps I should just give it a go again and see what happens.

VaioCruiser

My guess is that he won;t be worried unless you appear worried. But my point in my original post was to ask why you did not continue doing 'other' things ... and have another go a while later ? the chances are he would not be so 'quick'....

?

All the best