Advice on breaking up with my husband

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

I'm seriously considering ending my marriage for various reasons, ones which don't need discussing. I've pretty much made up my mind already.

We live in an apartment together and I'm wondering what's going to happen if we break up. I mean, we couldn't afford the mortgage on our own without the second income. Has anyone any advice? I don't want to go home to my parents for a few reasons. I'm just not sure how it will work out with the apartment. I don't want to lose the apartment either. A friend suggested getting a lodger in or whatever... it's a bad time to sell. Does anyone have experience of splitting up and moving out and how did things come about? I mean I'd still have to pay the mortgage and couldn't afford rent. What do ppl do?

Thanks for your help.
Cheers

star-pants

Well, my friend moved home with his parents and his longterm gf (now ex) stayed in the apartment as she couldn't move home. They settled/are settling the money between them and she's continuing the mortgage etc.
You say you can't move out, is your husband in any position to move out?

CDfm

OP you are the person doing the leaving so you are the person with the problem IMHO.

If a friend said its a bad time to sell its something. You dont say when you bought.

Go to an estate agent locally and ask what you would get if you sold the apartment and see whether or not that is more than your mortgage, if it is and the apartment is more than one bed you might be able to come to an arrangement for one of you to take it over.

So step one is get proper advice.

Next is to speak to a financial advisor/mortgage broker on what deals either of you can get as independent people.You say you dont want to loose the apartment but loosing it goes with marriage break up. If you can afford it buy him out.

Also check the availability of mediation services etc as these are cheaper than solicitors.

littlemissteach

Hi,
When I split up with my ex two years ago(2007), I bought out his share out the house. We had bought in 2005 and the house had increased in value by 60k so basically I ended up taking out a new mortgage and giving him 30k.Now the house is mine , all mine!Would it be possible for you to buy him out?

needadvicepls wrote: »

Hey guys,

I'm seriously considering ending my marriage for various reasons, ones which don't need discussing. I've pretty much made up my mind already.

We live in an apartment together and I'm wondering what's going to happen if we break up. I mean, we couldn't afford the mortgage on our own without the second income. Has anyone any advice? I don't want to go home to my parents for a few reasons. I'm just not sure how it will work out with the apartment. I don't want to lose the apartment either. A friend suggested getting a lodger in or whatever... it's a bad time to sell. Does anyone have experience of splitting up and moving out and how did things come about? I mean I'd still have to pay the mortgage and couldn't afford rent. What do ppl do?

Thanks for your help.
Cheers

iguana

In order to give an answer worth anything we will need more information. What type of mortgage have you? And what way is your ownership worded on the lease? Do you jointly own (and have liability for) 100% between you, or do you each own (and have liability for) a percentage, eg 50/50 or 30/70? How long have you owned this apartment? Are you in negative equity or does the property still have equity?

John Mason

Go to your solicitor and explain the situation to them.

its is better to have all the correct legal facts (and not hearsay from the internet) before you do anything, you need to secure the best position for yourself first - to be forewarned is to be forearmed

CDfm

In fairness it sounds like the OP hasnt told her husband yet and that would seem to me to be the first step.

She can check out her rights and responsibilities via the Citizens Advice Centres or leaflets published by the Family Mediation Centres

http://www.fsa.ie/familymediation/index.html

John Mason

IMHO first thing is to get all the correct legal information and then tell the husband.

it will cut out a lot of arguments and messing around further down the line.

LegacyUser

Hey everyone, hubby knows i'm not happy. things aren't good at all haven't been good for a long time. he never makes an effort with me anymore, has admitted he's treated me badly and hasn't wanted to fix it. I'm at my last straw. my mind's made up. i don't want this for the rest of my life. Only chatted this morning and told him i didn't see why giving it a few weeks would change anything (it's about the 6th time we've had this conversation) so asking for advice about breaking up isn't the issue. I am just curious about d legal side of things.

Btw the fact that i will prob be one the call it to an end doesn't mean i've to move out as one poster said. With all due respect you'd no idea whats gone on in my marriage

Thanks for all the advice. i honestly don'y know what way the contract is written up- the solicitor was a friend of my husbands. I would probably need to seek legal advice alright. I know owning an apartment together isn't a reason for staying with someone but it makes things much harder.

Stheno

needadvicepls wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice. i honestly don'y know what way the contract is written up- the solicitor was a friend of my husbands. I would probably need to seek legal advice alright.

There may not even be a contract, if you bought jointly and both your names are on the mortgage, and it was drawn up as a normal joint mortgage then you are jointly responsible for all of the mortgage.

I've gone through seperation, and would recommend firstly seeing a solicitor to get an idea of where you stand (costs about €100 ) but I'd definitely recommend mediation for sorting out the agreement, once the split is amiable.

CDfm

OP there are 2 forms of co-ownership normally a joint-tenancy(like a joint bank account where if one dies ownership passes to the survivor) or a tenancy in common( partnership where each has an independent 50% share like if you bought an investment property with a friend). These are standard and there is no mystery to them.

Normally married and cohabiting couples have joint tenancy and the solicitor will have nothing to do with it as it will be determined by the bank etc when you took out your mortgage.

As regards Irish divorces they follow a no fault model.

The procedure is that if a couple decides to split up they can do it amicably or acrimoniously. Bottom line is you will get your day in court and pay legal fees up to around 10k each.

There is no golden wand that says X is the baddy so Y gets the apartment so IRL where there are no kids it really is squabling over who gets what. If you are in a negative equity situation and the property gets sold it may be just splitting the debt between the two of you and that may be as good as it gets.

Marriage break-up is painful and there are two sides to it. Experience tells me that mediation is the least expensive route both financially and emotionally. If you are lucky to have bought well one of you may be in a position to negotiate with the lender to buy out the other.

The other option and it does happen is that you both occupy the property as co-owners until such time as it can be sold. There are plenty of people currently in this position around the country. They just get on with it.

Thats why I posted that if you want to split it is up to you to research the financials and the potential to get a deal on the property is your best possible outcome and that would be preferable.

I imagine some people will post to go in all guns blazing with a solicitor and they may be right. I dont think so though.

(Edit if its done by agreement you can get the paperwork done for under a grand)