To write,or not to write?

LegacyUser

Broke up with my ex a good few months ago now.
We're still friends,and text every few weeks (he leaves x's,but I don't ,incase his girl would get huffed)
We broke up because of distance and never got to see each other much at all really.Although we were both mad about each other,so it made it hard.
But,I was going through some problems at the time (eating disorder and low sel esteem) which made commiting in a relationship very hard.I never told himm about these issues,although I'm sure he probably started to notice he never saw me eat.

Anyway,what I want yer advice on is:
Someone told me I should write a letter to my ex boyfriend explaining exactly what I was feeling and going through at the time.Because it's the right and disent thing to do!
What are yer opinions?
Good and decint?
Or bad and pushy (because he has another girlf)

Wibbs

He has someone else in his life now, so I don't see how this will help. It may help you to get it down on paper and that's good, but I wouldn't send it to him as that could be construed as selfish. He's moved on it seems so you should too I think. Closure and all that guff is for the birds IMHO. Usually used as an excuse for other unhealthy behaviours.

Write it down for your own sake. To get things clear in your mind and to help you in working out were yu went wrong and indeed right in the past.

Cleopatra12

by all means write a letter, but pop it on the fire. Never send it to him. Things are over, you are both in different places. Leave well enough alone.

phic

definitly write it, it'll be beneficial to you in moving on, often you realise new things when you write down how you're feeling, and it can help to get it all out.
On the other hand, definitly don't send it. Presumably, since he has a new gf, your ex is trying to move on, and receiving a letter like that really won't help him, or his new relationship.
Also if you could, cutting contact with him will probably also help, as talking to someone you want to be with and can't, is really difficult and won't help you heal.

opinion guy

I think definitely write it
Send it IF
a) you can write it without expectation of a certain response. Such expectations would only set you up for disappointment
b) you think he would appreciate some explanation
c) your not going to say 'leave that new girl'. By all means say I care about you or some such. But I think there is a HUUUUGEEE difference between, on the one hand, simply expressing feelings for someone, and on the other hand, expressing feeligns and asking them to leave someone else.


In terms of what other posters are saying about him having someone else now. I'm sorry but I don't really see that as relevant. You two have your own personal story, my point of view is that he is entitled to know what actually happened. Its then up to him what to do with that information. But he certainly has the right to know what happened.

Certainly, if it was me, if I'd really liked someone and had lost her and wasn't really sure why - I'd appreciate such a letter. As to whether or not it would affect my current relationship well that would totally depend on the circumstances and i might react differently in different situations. But really and truly, I would see that as my problem and whatever I decide I would definitely respect the letter writer for their honesty.

metrovelvet

phic wrote: »

definitly write it, it'll be beneficial to you in moving on, often you realise new things when you write down how you're feeling, and it can help to get it all out.
On the other hand, definitly don't send it. Presumably, since he has a new gf, your ex is trying to move on, and receiving a letter like that really won't help him, or his new relationship.
Also if you could, cutting contact with him will probably also help, as talking to someone you want to be with and can't, is really difficult and won't help you heal.

You never know. It might do the opposite, it might help him move on. It might stop him bringing baggage and bitterness into the new relationship.

I know what people are saying about not sending it, that it might upset the reader, but I don't know, people deserve more credit than that.

R.D. aka MR.D

Write it but don't send it.

This is horrible but:

When i was in college a guy in my class got one of these letters from his ex, it was 18 pages long. i know this because he told absolutley everyone, well all the lads. heard it through the grapevine. He even read parts of it to them.

He was a nice guy in general but he just thought it was odd and kinda funny. So told everyone, in that lovely way some men have of being totally clueless about these things!

Poor girl poured her heart out to him and that was the result.


Definitly write it as a thearpy but personally wouldn't reccomend sending it.