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dr.bollocko

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/8237512.stm

Russell Crowe challenged an Australian newspaper columnist to a cycle duel after she mocked a picture of him smoking and eating on a bike ride.

The piece, in Sydney's Daily Telegraph, was headlined "smokes and fatty foods the fitness regime for Rusty".

The Gladiator star then called the paper to challenge Annette Sharp to a 12-mile (19.3km) race through the city.

Video of the early morning duel showed Crowe speeding along with Ms Sharp struggling to keep up.

Crowe is shown telling Ms Sharp she is a better cyclist than Australian film director Baz Luhrmann.


After a couple of hours on the bike, you've earnt a couple of fags
Russell Crowe

"He holds the record for the worst cycling tourist we've ever taken for a ride - you are twice the man Baz Luhrmann is on a bicycle."

The Telegraph mocked Crowe last week after he was photographed taking a break from a bike ride with his personal trainer to smoke a cigarette, eat tacos and drink a soft drink.

The paper reported that Crowe's spokesman had called the next day and said: "Get on your bike. Russell wants you to go riding with him.

"Are you ready to die?"

'Victory moment'

At one point during the pair's cycle trip, Ms Sharp fell off her bike.


When you make a living throwing stones you expect that one day someone is going to lob one back. This was that day
Annette Sharp

After their duel, she wrote: "I was sliding exuberantly down the track when, with a thump, I came off the seat and landed painfully on the crossbar.

"This was surely it - his victory moment. His victory moment, with me sprawled in the dirt.

"Yet he was gracious, concerned - the perfect gentleman as he rolled up my trousers to check my knee."

She added: "When you make a living throwing stones you expect that one day someone is going to lob one back.

"This was that day."

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BONEHEADED Romanian cons have invented a bizarre new game to help pass the time — hammering NAILS into their skull.

One convict was so proud of his latest effort that he left the nail embedded in his head for TWO DAYS before letting prison officers finally remove it.
The disturbing distraction technique only came to light when an ex-con decided to share his jail experiences with some pals on the outside.

But dim-witted Radu Popescu, 39, from Sibiu, had only ever played the game sober before — and after a few drinks, he drove the nail into his head so hard it got stuck.

Craze


He had to go to hospital to get the nail removed.
A stunned medic said: "It's no shock to anyone here that he missed his brain.
"It must be a very small target."
Popescu had been on an all-day bender with pals before putting the nail against a wall and HEADBUTTING it to celebrate his release from jail.
He told local media: "There was nothing to do in jail, it's just one of the ways we passed the time - whacking nails into our heads.

"It doesn't hurt. It became quite popular after somebody accidentally threw a dart that stuck in another man's head and everyone thought it was really funny.
"He didn't hurt himself and just pulled the dart out and after that it was a craze in the prison."
It took doctors two hours to remove the nail after locking his head in a special clamp and carefully levering it out.
Prison officials have tried to stamp out the craze but say so far no one has been seriously hurt.
A prison services spokesman said: "They are pretty good at doing it and they seem to know just how much force to use to get the right effect."

Picture can be seen on :
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...-new-game.html

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Drunk man got two hammered
A DRUNK Romanian thought he'd hit on a good idea to solve his toilet troubles — sticking TWO HAMMERS up his bum.
These incredible x-rays show how Viorel Firoiu attempted to nail his severe constipation with the help of his handy tools.

The intoxicated 48-year-old turned up at his local hospital complaining of excruciating stomach pain.

Worried doctors, in Orlea, southern Romania, carried out scans and were knocked sideways to find he had not one but TWO hammerheads stuck in his rear end.

Hospital spokeswoman Dr Cristina Bontescu said: "He was a bit drunk and said he had been eating cherries that had left him badly constipated

He said he had a few drinks to dull the pain and then came up with the idea of poking a hammerhead up his backside in the hope of sorting out the constipation.

"But the hammerhead got stuck and then he came up with the idea of using a second hammerhead in order to try and get out the first - but then he lost the second one as well."

Surgeons had to perform surgery to remove the striking objects.

After his drunken episode we're sure Firoiu won't be getting hammered again for a while.


For the X-ray please see :
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...-hammered.html

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Staff brand customers fat, pikey t**ts

WHAT size can I get for you madam . . . you fat, pikey t**t?


And would you like a bag with that - or a punch in the face?

Primark's customer service has been taken to a bizarre unofficial level by fed-up staff on a Facebook page.

They've flocked to the social network site to slam shoppers at the cut-price chain's 125 UK stores. One storms: "The money is s*** and the place is a market for pikeys." Another from Essex says of customers querying bills: "You want to punch them in the face."

Meanwhile a women's department assistant moans at "hefty" shoppers who need to "lose some f****** weight" instead of insisting they are a 16 "when they are obviously a 22 or 24".

And one worker blasts "t**t customers" who leave folded clothes in a mess, saying she wants to "dropkick them to the homeware department".

A Primark spokesman told us: "We are investigating this." Customers of the UK's second biggest clothes seller hit back at mocking staff. "You can't ridicule the people who keep you in business," said Selena James, 41, of Brighton, East Sussex.

Chloe Brooks, 32, a size 16 from Maidstone, Kent, said: "Primark is good for large sizes - but it's gutting to know some of their staff laugh at us."
http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/news/390440/Primark-staff-brand-customers-fat-pikey-tts.html

dr.bollocko

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/8237558.stm

Two Bangladeshi newspapers have apologised after publishing an article taken from a satirical US website which claimed the Moon landings were faked.

The Daily Manab Zamin said US astronaut Neil Armstrong had shocked a news conference by saying he now knew it had been an "elaborate hoax".

Neither they nor the New Nation, which later picked up the story, realised the Onion was not a genuine news site.

Both have now apologised to their readers for not checking the story.

"We thought it was true so we printed it without checking," associate editor Hasanuzzuman Khan told the AFP news agency.

"We didn't know the Onion was not a real news site."

The article said Mr Armstrong had told a news conference he had been "forced to reconsider every single detail of the monumental journey after watching a few persuasive YouTube videos and reading several blog posts" by a conspiracy theorist.


The truth is that Neil Armstrong never gave such an interview. It was made up
Daily Manab Zamin

"It took only a few hastily written paragraphs published by this passionate denier of mankind's so-called 'greatest technological achievement' for me to realise I had been living a lie," the fake article "quoted" Mr Armstrong as saying.

The made-up quote went on to say that although the journey had felt real, in fact "the entire thing was filmed on a sound stage, most likely in New Mexico".

"I suppose it really was one small step for man, one giant lie for mankind."

'Numerous hits'

The story was published on the Onion's website on Monday and on Wednesday, the Daily Manab Zamin translated it into Bengali, attributing it to the Onion News Network in Lebanon, Ohio. It then ran in New Nation on Thursday.

Daily Manab Zamin, the only tabloid newspaper in Bangladesh, published an apology to its readers on Thursday, saying the report had "drawn a lot of attention".

"We've since learned that the fun site runs false and juicy reports based on a historic incident," it said.

"The Moon landing one was such a story, which received numerous hits on the internet.

"The truth is that Neil Armstrong never gave such an interview. It was made up. We are sorry for publishing the report without checking the information."

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Teen pregnant after ‘swimming in pool’

A WOMAN is suing an Egyptian hotel claiming her daughter got pregnant - from using the swimming pool.

Magdalena Kwiatkowska's 13-year-old returned to Poland from their holiday expecting a baby.
Magdalena believes the teenager conceived from stray sperm after taking a dip in the hotel's mixed pool. She is now seeking compensation from the hotel.
A travel industry source said: "The mother is adamant that her daughter didn't meet any boys while she was there.
"She is determined to go ahead with the case."
Tourist authorities in Warsaw, Poland, have confirmed they received the bizarre complaint
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2525921/Teen-pregnant-after-swimming-in-pool.html

Saibh

Samoan drivers set for shift to the left

Samoans were on Sunday sending up prayers that an impending switch to driving on the left will not spark a surge in deaths and injuries on their roads.

The Pacific Island nation of around 180,000 is set to become the first country in the world to change driving sides since the 1970s.
The switch officially takes place at 6 am on Monday (1700 GMT) but it will not simply be a matter of drivers swerving from the right to the left on the hour.
Bitter political battles over the move have died down since a court ruling at the end of August, and the country has since pulled together in a bid to ensure a smooth changeover.
Thousands in this devout Christian nation went to church Sunday, praying for a changeover "free of injury and, heaven forbid, death", an editorial in the Samoa Observer newspaper said.
"All of those who have the safety of our people -- and especially our children -- in their hearts will echo those prayers by asking the Almighty to calm our tempers and reduce our speed from tomorrow."
Road signs have been changed throughout the country and road works carried out in an attempt to ease the changeover's impact on narrow, potholed country roads fringed by high vegetation.
The government of Prime Minister Tuilaepa Sailele Malielegaoi has called a two day national holiday from Monday and alcohol sales will be banned for three days to help prevent chaos.
In case things go badly, Samoa's Red Cross has been carrying out a blood donation campaign.
A radio announcement at 10 minutes to the hour will order all traffic to stop. At 6 am, cars will move to the other side of the road and will be cleared to resume travelling 10 minutes later.
The speed limit has been cut from 35 miles an hour (56 kilometres an hour) to 25 miles an hour (40 kilometres an hour) while speed humps have been installed in many busy areas to reduce speed even further.
Tuilaepa says changing sides to be in line with Australia and New Zealand means some of the 170,000 Samoans living in those countries -- which already drive on the left -- will be able to send used cars home to their relatives.
Cars would become cheaper as a result and more people in rural areas could get vehicles to help develop their land, he argues.
Opponents of the switch, including the People Against Switching Sides (PASS) movement, had argued Samoans were inadequately prepared for the switch and necessary road improvements had not been carried out.
Bus companies have threatened to go on strike from Monday because the government refused to pay the cost of changing the exit doors to the opposite side of their vehicles.

Link

dr.bollocko

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/8243648.stm

Pudding renamed Spotted Richard

The traditional suet pudding Spotted Dick has been renamed "Spotted Richard" at a council canteen - because customers keep making jokes.

The new name for the dessert, with another alternative Sultana Sponge, has appeared on the menu at Flintshire Council headquarters in Mold.

The council said catering staff made the decision after "immature comments" and it was not a policy decision.

But one councillor described the move as "political correctness gone mad".

Staff from the nearby court complex in Mold also use the council canteen.

Spotted Dick is a steamed suet pudding containing dried fruit, and is thought to have originated in the middle of the 19th Century.

People make silly comments about everything in life, there is no need to change the name over it
Councillor Klaus Armstrong-Braun

The "spotted" part of the name refers to the currants, which resemble spots, and "Dick" is believed to derive from the word dough.

The council spokesman said: "The correct title for this dish is 'Spotted Dick.' However because of several immature comments from a few customers, catering staff renamed the dish 'Spotted Richard' or 'Sultana Sponge'.

"This was not a policy decision, canteen staff simply acted as they thought best to put an end to unwelcome and childish comments, albeit from a very small number of customers."

But Flintshire Councillor Klaus Armstrong-Braun criticised the ban on the original pudding name.

He said he had made an official complaint about the name change which he called "ludicrous" and said had cost money because a new label was needed for the food.

The councillor said the bosses who had made the decision would soon be "frightened of their own shadow".

"People make silly comments about everything in life, there is no need to change the name over it."

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Vampire dog spotted in Texas

The Chupacabra, which literally translates as Goat Sucker, has taken on legendary status akin to Bigfoot in Latino circles which has seen it appear in books and films including Scooby-Doo and the Monster of Mexico.
It has previously been sighted as far south as Chile and Argentina and as far north as the US state of Maine, and similar animals have been described in Russia and the Philippines.

Its latest appearance was caught on a dashboard-mounted camera by deputy sheriff Brandon Riedel and his officer Ellie Carter in the town of Cuero, Texas.
"We were checking fences when this thing jumped out at us," Mr Carter said.
"I shouted: 'It's a chupacabra!' I recognised it instantly from TV. It had big teeth, a big head, short legs in the front and long legs in back."
In August last year, a chupacabra was blamed for the deaths of around 30 chickens on a nearby farm.
The animals were found drained of blood with two puncture marks in their otherwise uninjured bodies.
The farm's owner, Phylis Canion, claimed to have discovered the carcasses of three strange animals, one of which she preserved in her freezer before handing it over for DNA analysis.
The publicity from that attack saw T-shirts featuring the chupacabra shipped around the world, and there was talk of changing Cuero's mascot.
However, Texan scientists who investigated the case said the animal was likely to be a coyote, potentially crossed with a grey fox.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2556133/Vampire-dog-spotted-in-Texas.html

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Restaurant boss calls little girl ‘f****r’

A COUPLE were horrified when a restaurant bill described their two-year-old daughter as a "little f****r".

Craig and Kimberley Cartin spotted the insult at a new Mexican-style diner called Cactus Joe's.
Out of order ... offensive bill



The printed message aimed at daughter Molly was misspelt "Thankyyou littell f****r".
It came after the family, including Molly, had complained about slow service and poor food.
Fuming Craig, 34, said: "To be abused is unbelievably offensive.
"Molly was a bit moany but her behaviour certainly wasn't terrible."
Kimberley, 25, added: "It was out of order.
"They took so long to serve us that Molly had a little tantrum."
Restaurant owner Steve Ryan apologised and sacked a 25-year-old manageress in Halifax, West Yorks.
He said: "It was inexcusable."
He offered the Cartins a free meal but they said they would not return.


http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2631725/Fury-as-dinner-boss-calls-little-girl-Fr-on-restaurant-bill.html