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Falling for a friend is a health hazard

  • 02-09-2009 5:18pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi

    6 months ago I posted about my quandry - I had fallen badly for a very close friend - it had driven me demented for 12/18 months and sadly I was gutless during that time to do nothing. So I had built myself up to talk to her when the bombshell dropped that had just started seeing another guy, and things moved very quickly and she moved in with him.

    In fairness to her, and for my own good and a clear head I sort of cut her off. Spoke on the phone occasionally but did not meet up and this continued for about 5/6 months. I felt badly doing it but it did make me feel better and let me try to move on.

    So we did meet up at the weekend by arrangement, just the two of us for dinner, had a very good night, did not talk much about her relationship, although I of course acknowledged and asked a few polite questions, and ever since she has been in constant contact with me by phone and by e-mail and talking about making sure we meet up frequestnly.

    I don't want to end back at square one. I haven't met anybody in the interim and now my head is clear. But I appreciate this girl's friendship also.

    Any thoughts.


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I've been here before. All that happens in this situation is that you waste valuable time occupied by a girl that clearly thinks of you as friend, in this time you are not emotionally available to meet another girl really.

    Its true but I'd say you've unknowingly passed up opportunities with girls because you're so preoccupied with this friend.

    The healthiest thing to do is

    A: Cut her out of our life, move on and try to meet other girls, there are a lot of them out there

    B: Tell her how you feel next time you meet, that you can't continue to remain just friends without wanting more. Leave the ball in her court and wait to see if she comes to you and wants you



    You need to sort this one out. These situations are real timewasters. I've gone through it.


    Good luck


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I've been in this situation as well and I agree with the the previous poster. You need to tell her what you are feeling and that you need to have distance from her to move on.

    In my situation I carried on for over six months before I finally said anything. During this time I'd watched her go out with 2 different guys on a short term basis. It killed me. I eventually cut off complete contact. What happened after that was that she came running to me wondering what was going on. Everything came out.

    You need to tell her and leave it at that. If she is as close a friend as you say she will understand why you need the distance and leave you go.


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