To move in or not ?

Steady

Hey Ladies (& Guys)

Would you marry someone without moving in with them first ?
Would you move half way down the country, leaving your own life and family behind to marry them, and that would be the first time that you would live together ?

I know all relationships are different as people are individuals etc. etc. but your comments and views on this would help to think this through from all angles.

hobochris

As the saying goes, if you really want to know me come live with me.

I would live together at least a year to be sure you can live together.

itsallaboutheL

Steady wrote: »

Hey Ladies (& Guys)

Would you marry someone without moving in with them first ?
Would you move half way down the country, leaving your own life and family behind to marry them, and that would be the first time that you would live together ?

I know all relationships are different as people are individuals etc. etc. but your comments and views on this would help to think this through from all angles.

I would do it for Someone.......

Latchy

Steady wrote: »

Hey Ladies (& Guys)

Would you marry someone without moving in with them first ?

Haven't people being doing this for decades anyway ? Like you get married then you have to have someplace to live ? If you mean wait till your married before living together than that's a seperate issue and many do it ...I would have no problem

Would you move half way down the country, leaving your own life and family behind to marry them, and that would
be the first time that you would live together ?

People sometimes move further afield than just down the country to marry so it's not uncommon

I know all relationships are different as people are individuals etc. etc. but your comments and views on this would help to think this through from all angles.

I would have no problem moving to another town ,city, village, or country if I loved the person enough but besides letting your heart rule your head , the practicalities have to be thought through before making a decision .

minidazzler

I would have to live with them first, but I won't live with any sort of Significant other until I have lived on my own for a while!

Cows Go µ

I would definitely prefer to live with someone before marrying them. Just so I know we are compatible in that way.

I would prefer not move somewhere to be with the one I loved but I would if I had to. But my current boyfriend knows how close I am to my family so he probably wouldn't ask me to if he didn't have to

CathyMoran

The thing is that you can live with someone but for me at least you do not know them until you marry them, I would take the chance!

LadyMayBelle

I used to be of the opinion that I wouldn't move in without marrying first (call me old fashioned) and i do actually have a couple of friends who waited (and didn't do it for religious reasons or anything). But I have changed my mind and would prefer to live with the person first.

Clare Bear

What if you marry them and then move in together and they're a nightmare to live with? Definitely move in first. And I moved away from home, family and friends for someone. Glad I did too.

Jules

moved from tLL

Chinafoot

Steady wrote: »

Hey Ladies (& Guys)

Would you marry someone without moving in with them first ?

Nope. As another poster said 'If you want to know me come and live with me.' I wouldn't enter into a marriage without knowing we were able to live together first. It is a huge adjustment and it can often be a make or break situation for couples.

Steady wrote: »

Would you move half way down the country, leaving your own life and family behind to marry them, and that would be the first time that you would live together ?

If I love someone enough to marry them I would absolutely move to be with them. I'd move to the other side of the world...down the country is nothing. A few hours of travel will allow you to see family and friends. Again, I would want to live together before marriage, but I would happily move to be together.

Greyfox

Steady wrote: »

Hey Ladies (& Guys)

Would you marry someone without moving in with them first ?
Would you move half way down the country, leaving your own life and family behind to marry them, and that would be the first time that you would live together ?

I know all relationships are different as people are individuals etc. etc. but your comments and views on this would help to think this through from all angles.

You DEFINITELY have to live with someone befor you marry them. It's true that you only really get to know someone once you live together.

SeekUp

I don't think it's one or the other. I used to think that I wouldn't marry someone without living with them, but now I wouldn't say anything definite either way. Situations aren't always so black and white. Sometimes it's more logical to live together/stay apart before marriage.

What I would caution against is moving in with the intention of "getting more"; or thinking that once you move in, marriage is imminent/expected. Move in with someone because you want to live with them.

Regarding leaving your life and your family, well . . . sometimes you just have to put your relationship first and do things that you wouldn't otherwise do. I've done both (leaving my life and family in order to move in with someone for the first time), and now we have a life together. It's just whether or not you feel that reframing your life -- as difficult as it may be -- will add something better.

Kimono-Girl

you most definitely should live with them first, it's easier to move out then to move out and divorce if things don't work, that way if things do work you can get married knowing you are compatible...

Beruthiel

Steady wrote: »

Hey Ladies (& Guys)

Would you marry someone without moving in with them first ?

Not in a million years would I contemplate marrying someone I had not lived with first.

As has been said already, if you want to know me, come live with me.
Things are totally different when living with someone on a day to day basis and having to deal with the more mundane parts of life.

mood

I would move in with them first.

Do you live near each other at the moment? If it is long distance you would really need to get used to seeing each other daily before getting engaged etc.

You also need to think about jobs etc.

Would living in the country be the only option? If so why?

How far away from you home town/city would you be moving?

Lady Muck

They say the first year of living together is the most trying time in a relationship, that added with marriage could be very harmful to the relationship.

You don't really know someone until you live with them, they can have unbearable habits and it is hard to come to a compromise. Me & my b/f have lived together 2 years and it is still hard at times.

There is plenty of time to get married, especially if you want to do things the right way and conserve your relationship.

iguana

My first instinct is to say that you should live together for a while first, as there is truth to the saying "if you want to get to know with me, come live with me." However it's also true that even 20 years ago it was unusual to live together before marriage and the majority of people I know who got married before living together have happy marriages. And I know very few couples who lived together and didn't get married or aren't still together. I also know couples who lived together for years, then got married and are now divorced.

Also if I'm very honest a huge amount of the problems my husband and I had in the first year of living together was down to insecurity. Everything felt very flimsy to both of us. And I had moved away from my life to live with him, so I did feel quite vulnerable at times. With retrospect I think we would not have argued as much if we had been married when we first began living together. Not being married didn't give me freedom to leave, it actually made leaving feel inevitable when things were bad which only made things worse.

So I know longer think that there is any right way to do it. Different things work for different people and doing it "by the book" is no guarantee of success either.