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Need some advice about BF

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  • 02-09-2009 2:31pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi i am jst looking for some advice regarding my OH, we have been together 3yrs ,we moved in together a couple of months ago, we are now planning to move back home to our parents houses as we just can't afford it. We half the rent, bills etc, but he has so much loans and debts that by the time everything else was paid off he was broke and i had to share my money with him. everytime he has no money he borrows of friends etc so by the time he gets paid again he's to pay it out. he sometimes gambles the money he has to try win money to cover the loans he owes. all in all it made it very stressful living with him. We have decided to go home but now i am starting to think whether he will ever be able to manage his money better and thinking about my future, i love him loads and we do have a laugh and are so comfortable together but i wish he could be a more reliable person and i wasn't the one stressing about whether things will be paid on time.

    Has anyone else been in a simular situation and how did they deal with it?

    Thanks for reading.


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    #2
    Kiera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,130 ✭✭✭✭Kiera


    Yes I was with someone like that for 5 years. He didn’t cop on and it broke us in the end. The gambling has to stop and so does him borrowing from people.

    He needs to learn to sit in and pay back his debts and put his life on hold until he has cleared them. Otherwise he will be chasing his tail forever. Sit down with him and explain all this to him. If he keeps it up, walk away.


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    #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I was with someone like that as well. Constantly worried about bills being paid etc. I broke up with him in the end. He assured me constantly that he'd changed. Was dogsitting while he was away a few months after the break up and the electricity was cut off for non payment while I was there.

    Money is the primary cause of divorce, ahead of affairs and everything else. If you are not compatible in this way, life will be miserable. Give him a chance if you will, but be prepared to walk if he doesnt change. I wish I had sooner.


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    #4
    dublingal80
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,540 ✭✭✭dublingal80


    Money is such a difficult thing in a relationship... I have known so many couples to break up over money issues including me and my ex. He was always always asking me for money to cover his rent, which i couldnt afford cos I was renting at the time too.
    Now with my current BF, we had the money talk early on so we both knew where we stood, not exactly romantic, but it had to be done since we are saving a deposit for a house. We talk about money quiet frequently and he knows how much i save and vice versa and bills and what not.

    If he is able to get his act together while he is living back at home and pay back his friends and bills and debts and what not, then brilliant!! If he isnt able to, have a chat to him, ask him if he wants you to help him with his money, and try and make a budget for him. If he doesnt listen, he doesnt want to, and its up to yourself what you are going to do from there.


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    #5
    Mr Benevolent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,456 ✭✭✭✭Mr Benevolent


    Gambling? He might as well throw your money on the fire. I racked up €14k of gambling debts in 3 months and it's taken me 3 years to pay them off. Avoid lending him money in future for anything. In fact, make him into an ex. He will ruin you financially. Get out now unless you enjoy being a combined doormat/ bottomless purse.


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