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ringing the ex??

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  • 02-09-2009 12:47pm
    #1
    nineten
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12 ✭


    how long should you wait before contacting an ex and making the effort to be friends?
    there was no badness or anger in the breakup, only sadness and confusion...


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    #2
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    IMHO - never

    you will only be opening up a huge can of ugly worms that will refuse to go away


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    #3
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,093 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    I would have to agree with Irishbird. Big can of wormerage going on.

    Now there is a caveat I suppose and you do hear of people who can make that transition to mates, but in my experience they tend to fall into certain categories. They're usually not "big loves", there has been a large space of time between the end of the relationship(years usually) and they're both loved up with others and have no sexual/romantic feelings left for each other. I'd say the not big loves exes would be the majority. If you have any feelings or you think they may harbour any feelings, romantic or bitterness, then leave well alone.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #4
    miaowsky
    Registered Users Posts: 158 ✭✭miaowsky


    I was actually gonna ask the very same question. So I'll thank you for the advice :)

    In my case I broke up with him because he wanted fun and I wanted something more serious, I felt (and still do) that if I actually meant anything to him he'd be back asking for me, but he hasn't been. Which to be honest is a good thing, it'd be like rubbing salt in the wound. But still it's nice to be wanted :(


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    How long ago was it that you broke up?

    I agree with some of what has been said already but disagree with some of it as well. A long time ago I was started going out with someone. The feelings were pretty strong on my side. We had been best friends and then started going out. Only lasted about 6 months but when it ended I was in a bad way. I wanted to be in contact with them but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I then got into the angry stage. Eventually a year later the other person started texting me again. It resurfaced some feelings on my side but I knew that they were involved with someone else so I didn't reply. I left it another 6 months and then finally got in contact. 6 years later we are still in contact. Albeit irregularly but when we do it's great. We'll never have the friendship we had before but we consider ourselves good friends that catch up every now and again.

    Sorry for the long rant. Just my experiences of something similar. It's really up to the OP here I think. If she still has feelings for him and they are not requited then she could end up hurting again. So what I would say is to take your time. Take the time you need so that these feelings won't resurface. In my case it was over 18 months.


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi I broke up with my ex about 3 munths ago now - I dont think it is a good idea to be in touch or get back in touch.

    I wish I could take my own advice though. I was in contact with my ex about every 2 weeks. i was devestated by the breakup considering we were getting married, and then one week I had a few personal issues in the family and a car crash so was feeling really sorry for myself and decided to call him - he was all caring and lovely but at one stage I asked him where he was and he was out shopping ...... with his NEW GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!! This was about 6 weeks after we broke up. I was devestated all over again.

    Defo not a good idea to be in contact at all. Men treat these things a lot different that women.....ie, they detatch and move on.


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    #7
    dublingal80
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,540 ✭✭✭dublingal80


    i wouldnt call them! if you havent been keeping in touch with the odd text or email since you broke up, whats the point in starting back again. things will just get messy and too difficult

    U broke up for a reason, remember the reason and move on :) Its the only way you will meet someone lovely :D


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