Worried about making friends in college/ Boyfriend issues

LegacyUser

Hi all,
So I'm starting college this Thursday and I won't know anyone. I realise the friends you make in college are the ones you'll have for the rest of your life so its very important that you make the right ones. I'm generally bad at meeting new people and I'm always very anxious and as a result i completely freeze up and don't talk. I'm so worried about being there on the first day and not knowing what to say and just standing there like a fool. Anyone have any tips on how to overcome this?

Secondly, my boyfriend is a very friendly and outgoing person who finds it very easy to make friends and is well liked. We've been going out for the last month but he lives far away so he hasnt had a chance to meet my friends. I've met his friends once and they are the wild partying types who have the time of lives. He thinks i live the same type of lifestyle and now that he's moving to my city for college he wants to meet my friends who are a lot less interesting. This isnt good as he'll find out that i live a dull life. I dont know what to do about it.

I'd appreciate any opinions/advice.

Firetrap

You're getting too wound up about this and what constitutes friendship. Just relax and get chatting to anyone you come across. What I found when I went to college many moons ago was that the vast majority of people I talked to in my year were as eager as I was to make friends and find friendly faces. Don't get tied up in all this making friends that last for the rest of your life stuff. Maybe it might happen, maybe it might not. Friends come and go from most people's lives.

You could ask them people what they think of the college/course so far. Where do they come from? That sort of thing. What I found too is that once you get friendly with a couple of people and go along with them to the canteen or wherever, you will then meet other people through them. Try to find out what they're interested in. Once you find what ticks their boxes, you have something to talk about and you can take it from there.

When you're in college, take the opportunity to join some of the societies and clubs that are there. That's a great way to meet people and to form friendships if you find it tough going.

On the boyfriend issue, he's going out with you because you're you. Not because of your friends. You're being judgemental on your friends - are they not so interesting because they're not 24 hour party people? If he's as friendly as you say, he will appreciate the qualities your friends have and won't have any great problems with them. A lot of people have friends who have all sorts of personalities anyway from raving lunatics to quiet shy people. It's the great tapestry of life. Who says your life is dull? You've got the life that makes you happy - don't try to change it on account of your boyfriend or pretend to be something you're not.

cruizer101

what to do wrote: »

I realise the friends you make in college are the ones you'll have for the rest of your life so its very important that you make the right ones.

I'm going to disagree with you here, for a lot of people that is the case yeah, but not always.
I am much better friends with the friends I had before college than the ones from college.

Anyway the main point I wanted to make is the majority of people are going to be in the same situation as you. First days of college are great in a way. Because no one knows anyone you can sit beside anyone in lecture and say "Hi, my names Joe Bloggs" and its not weird, most other situations people would look at you funny if you did this.

So my advice for the first week try sit beside someone different in every lecture and talk to them. Its not as hard as it sounds as is only going to be one on one or vert small groups.

LegacyUser

Thanks you guys, thats put my mind at ease somewhat about tomorrow. Still pretty much terrified but i guess I'm in the same boat as everyone aren't I?

I've deciced just to put myself forward as much as possible and be as friendly and open to people as possible. And even if I'm terrified i won't show it.

As for the boyfriend issue i guess if he can't accept my friends for who they are then he isn't right for me. I hope he does though, i like him a lot.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, just relax n be yourself! Dont overthink the whole thing you'll only stew n make yourself more terrified n how is that going to help things? I think your spot on bout yr bf tho, hopefully he's a nice guy who wudnt dump you based on your friends if he does he's just using you anyway. Hope it goes well for you! It might take a while to get to know people as well so dont worry if you dont click right away. But yeah just go n enjoy the process n dont make yourself scared or put yourself or your friends down for not being the wild things he thinks they are.

pearliefan

wow. that first post, bar the boyfriend bit, could've been written by me! I'm terrified but this has helped a bit... I know alot of people going to my college but I don't want to hang onto my old friends you know? but I'm scared I won't be able to or won't like the people I'm living with. but everyone is in the same boat. I'm just gonna go and do my best!
what college are you going to OP?

LegacyUser

pearliefan wrote: »

wow. that first post, bar the boyfriend bit, could've been written by me! I'm terrified but this has helped a bit... I know alot of people going to my college but I don't want to hang onto my old friends you know? but I'm scared I won't be able to or won't like the people I'm living with. but everyone is in the same boat. I'm just gonna go and do my best!
what college are you going to OP?

UL.
See you actually have an advantage that you'll be moving out because it gives you a chance to make friends with your new housemates before you start college.
I started college today and was extremely envious of the people living in their own accomodation. They had been living there for the past few nights and had already been out on the town with each other and they had gotton to know each other.

Overall it was ok but i didnt make any friends or anything. Still worried about having peopl eto hang out with next week.

My BF made loads of friends on his orientation day of course.....So yet again I'm the socially inferior one......typical.

Sarn

If you're willing to make a little bit of effort then you'll be fine. As mentioned above clubs and societies provide a great opportunity to meet people. You'll also get to know people in tutorials or practicals.

Regarding making friends for life. I have no idea what the people I met in first year are doing now, yet we had great fun at the time. However, I have some good friends from my post-grad days. It all depends on who you meet and what paths you take later on.

karma403

what to do wrote: »

UL.
See you actually have an advantage that you'll be moving out because it gives you a chance to make friends with your new housemates before you start college.
I started college today and was extremely envious of the people living in their own accomodation. They had been living there for the past few nights and had already been out on the town with each other and they had gotton to know each other.

Overall it was ok but i didnt make any friends or anything. Still worried about having peopl eto hang out with next week.

My BF made loads of friends on his orientation day of course.....So yet again I'm the socially inferior one......typical.

I started college today, well went for registration. Didn't know anybody. First of all I looked out for people who looked like they were searching for the sports building. Found a couple of girls. Asked them if they were going there too. Walked with them and started talking. Sat beside them and asked questions. I now know there names and what courses they have picked. When I'm back in on Tuesday I'll keep an eye out for them and go say hello when I see them.

So I would say this, asking somebody a question is a great way to start a conversation. (Do you know where the canteen/toilet/lecture hall is?). Even if you know where the place is, it doesn't matter. It's just to get talking to someone. And then you try take the conversation from there.
When it comes to lunch time, as you leave the room say to a couple of people, can i join you for lunch...I don't think anybody would say no to that..
I hope that helps. Good luck.

newbie2009

Your boyfr shouldn't consider you dull if you don't lead the same lifestyle as others. He should like you for who you are not what your friends are like etc. Join societies and you shouldn't have any problem making friends and creating a better social life for yourself