Post Break up Weakness

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend as I finally made the decision we were not right for each other. this is not the first time we have broken up but this time I am determined it's for good. I consider myself a strong and independent person but in the past I have found myself returning to my ex out of habit and loneliness. I am in my 30s and most of my friends are married and settled. I am currently not working so my social life and fun activities have been curtailed. I miss just having someone to text during the day and hug after a bad day. This weakens my resolve and if my ex texts me I usually give in and meet him and then feel weak afterwards. I know if I work through this painful period I will probably come out the otherside so maybe I have answered my own question here. just wondering if others ever feel like this and if so any advice/feedback would be welcome.

Loopsie

hiya
ok reading ur post is like reading something i would write.........ive been in a vicious cycle for the last 2 years with the same guy...........he is everything i dont want and yet for some stupid reason i keep going back.......he knows exactly how to play me........i dont know if it is that i dont want to be alone because i have so much going on in my life i actually hardly have time for a boyfriend!!! I think im fairly happy when im alone, every other guy i meet i blow off.........
Its almost like im addicted to him or the pain or drama of us........
Its got so bad lately again that im actually considering going to therapy to help me move on

renraw

I think its a case of "better the devil we know". Almost everyone goes through this after a long term relationship breaks down. I know that this may sound like a cliche, but time sorts it out. It took me a year to completelty break away from an ex and now Im with someone else and happy out.

Time will sort it out, but don't be tempted to keep going back to him because you're not giving yourself time to heal. And each time you meet him, it will reignite whatever flames are there. I went through the same but woke up one day and said I waasn't going to do it to myself anymore. It worked, and all it took was time and patience.

Cleopatra12

Letting go if someone is very hard and i sympathise with you. it took me nearly 3 years to get over a relationship.

What you do have to keep in mind is, when you do 'weaken' and spend time with him, afterwards, how do you feel? Do you feel crappy? Am guessin you do. Well you have to remember to ask is 'that hug after a bad day' worth how you feel after the event? Only you can decide what you will do to make yourself feel better. sometimes 'scratching the itch' is just not worth it.

I know how lonely you can feel when all of your friends are settled down and never seem to have time for their single friends. Am not going to suggest you join a club or to 'get out there'. from your post, i think you know the answers you are looking for. You just have to be receptive to them...

Best of luck...

LegacyUser

i think there are a lot of people in the same boat. i am with someone who i don't love, but who adores me. i go with the flow for a while, then decide that's it i'm getting out, but after constant contact and texts and routine, it gets to the stage where you miss, not the person but the presence of 'someone'.

in my case i don't dislike my other half but i don't feel the same way for them as they do for me. and the fact they're such a doormat doesn't help. if i'm not careful i'll be with this person til i die !

LegacyUser

i recently broke up with long term boyf. i feel the same.
even though i know in back of my head that this is probably the right thing.
it is so hard to move on after such a long time.
sometimes i feel tough and strong.then i randomly break down and im devastated.
i think time is the key, as said, to be horrible-its just like picking at a scab - if you keep picking at it (going back to the person) then it will never heal, it will always be painful.
I am finding this sooo hard and have a constant turning in my stomach at the thought of life without my OH. I just have to throw myself into work really and try to move on in the coming weeks.
I really hope for both our sakes that this gets easier, but i am sure it will!!
good luck!!

dublingal80

we have ALL been there!! dated a guy, broke up, hooked up, got back together, broke up, hooked up.... etc.
wouldnt be natural if we didnt, cos for some reason, when we break up with them and start to feel a little lonely, its like all the good things they did come to the forefront and all the things that made you break up you forget about

All i can suggest is when u want to get in touch with him, come here! talk to people on boards, read other peoples stories... if thats not working, call a friend and chat to them or get out of the house and meet for a coffee.

Just remind yourself how crap you will feel if you do text or meet him. and how much stronger you will be if you dont! U can do it!!!! Dont let him think that you need him!

LegacyUser

thanks to everyone who responded to me on this.I am really touched by your kindness and empathy especially as I don't know any of you. thanks again and good luck with your own stuff also.