Serial Cheater

LegacyUser

I have been seeing my girlfriend for 3 years now and for the first year or so I was faithful to her but since then I have cheated on her with many different women, normally just one night stands. I am not looking for moral judgements on my behaviour here, I want to here from men who may have or still do act this way. My question is: Is this a sign that my current gf is not the one for me or this cheating to be expected from a young man with a healthy sex drive?

Terodil

meetthecheat wrote: »

Is this a sign that my current gf is not the one for me

Yes. Or rather, that you're a * (self-censored to avoid perma-ban) and not the right one for your gf.

meetthecheat wrote: »

or this cheating to be expected from a young man with a healthy sex drive?

No.

LegacyUser

No you're just self centred and immature and obviously cheating to make up for some lack within yourself not you GF. Look inward!!!

galwaybob

Terodil wrote: »

Yes. Or rather, that you're a * (self-censored to avoid perma-ban) and not the right one for your gf.


No.

Thats a bit harsh:eek:

It can be very difficult for young men to stay true to their girl, especially if they have a high sex-drive.

Is she the one? I don't know but your relationship probably wont survive your behaviour.

ManOfMystery

Generally, when you're deeply in love with someone and betray them, you have feelings of guilt - your post certainly doesn't even imply this, never mind express it. It doesn't sound to me like she's the one for you.

lolli

i agree with manofmystery. If you truely loved her you'd feel bad for betraying her. You should do both of you a favour and go back to being single.

galwaybob

galwaybob wrote: »

It can be very difficult for young men to stay true to their girl, especially if they have a high sex-drive. are immature idiots who shouldn't be in a relationship

FYP. It has NOTHING to do with a high sex drive.

SarahSassy

Your poor, poor, poor girlfriend... You are putting her emotional and physical health at risk by sleeping around on her. If she finds out her trust in men will be destroyed, am sure your friends know and are having a laugh behind her back and God only knows what you can catch and pass on from these flings...

If you have any decent bone in your body then finish with her and let her meet someone who will treat her properly... Do not tell her why you are finsihing with her - you should have to live with the guilt yourself thats if you do feel any....

bSlick

I would say it is to be expected. It mightn't be something to be proud of it but it's just the way of the world. Nobody likes to come straight out and say it but the fact is 90%+ of guys cheat. Women really have no idea how many men are at it, or would take the opportunity if it arose...

If you were born in some other society in another part of the world, our tradition of taking one partner for life would have people shaking their heads/raising their eyebrows.

star-pants

galwaybob wrote: »

It can be very difficult for young men to stay true to their girl, especially if they have a high sex-drive.

Personally I think that's bullcrap.
If he cares for her he'll want her and not want to hurt her in anyway, and would have shown some remorse. If guys cannot stay true to their girl, then they shouldn't be dating, but going around having one night stands to satisfy their high sex drive.
Having a high sex drive does not give one a get out of jail free card.

OP if you care anything for this girl, break up with her. You've dragged her unnecessarily through 2 years of a false relationship whereby you've lied and cheated. I have no idea why you bothered staying with her. If you seek outside your own bed, it's usually a sign to leave.
Go sow your wild oats or whatever, but do it when single, so noone gets hurt. IMO no it's not 'expected of young men' and if a guy I was dating was having one night stands / cheating he'd be out of my sight faster than he's able to unzip his pants.

Advice? Break up with her. Go get satisfied elsewhere without the cheating.

galwaybob

bSlick wrote: »

I would say it is to be expected. It mightn't be something to be proud of it but it's just the way of the world. Nobody likes to come straight out and say it but the fact is 90%+ of guys cheat. Women really have no idea how many men are at it, or would take the opportunity if it arose...

If you were born in some other society in another part of the world, our tradition of taking one partner for life would have people shaking their heads/raising their eyebrows.

Very good point.

I cheat and all of the male friends I know cheat, even the married ones.
The male has evolved over 3 million years to breed with as many females as possible, you cant beat that out of him after a mere century or so of religious indoctrination. Most women are living in a dream world when it comes to this stuff.:rolleyes:

Terodil

bSlick wrote: »

the fact is 90%+ of guys cheat. Women really have no idea how many men are at it, or would take the opportunity if it arose...

If that were the case, I would lose faith in men, and I'm one myself.

Since you claim it as a fact, I'm sure you could back it up.

galwaybob wrote: »

I cheat and all of the male friends I know cheat, even the married ones.

That doesn't mean it's good or fair on the women. In fact, it's despicable and I'd go so far as to say unmanly, because the only reason you get away with it is that you resort to stealth and trickery to do it. You wouldn't be man enough to stand up and say that your partner isn't enough for you.

galwaybob wrote: »

The male has evolved over 3 million years to breed with as many females as possible, you cant beat that out of him after a mere century or so of religious indoctrination. Most women are living in a dream world when it comes to this stuff.:rolleyes:

That's silly, monogamy is not new or exclusively based in religion. Many animals follow monogamous relationships too. I hate these biological references that try to make obviously despicable behaviour look less reprehensible. We are humans and part of that, arguably, is our ability to transcend our basic instincts/urges with the faculties of reason and empathy.

SarahSassy wrote: »

If she finds out her trust in men will be destroyed

I hope not, as not all men are like this, even if we now have three fine specimens on this thread counteracting this claim

SarahSassy

Terodil wrote: »

it's despicable and I'd go so far as to say unmanly, because the only reason you get away with it is that you resort to stealth and trickery to do it. You wouldn't be man enough to stand up and say that your partner isn't enough for you.

This is so true... Boys cheat and real men dont...

SarahSassy

Terodil wrote: »

I hope not, as not all men are like this, even if we now have three fine specimens on this thread counteracting this claim

And I would hope not too but it can be awful hard for some people to bounce back after this level of deceit.

Agent J

The thing about men cheating because its what they are supposed to do or is "healthy"?

Thats a cop out.

I've have a number of long term relationships under my belt at this point and not once have I or would i consider cheating. It is dishonest, disloyal and above all else down right hurtfull to your partner.

You know it would hurt your GF if she knew right? Which is more important to you, getting your bit or her feelings?

I would say You aren't right for your GF.

bronte

Get out of the relationship and do not enter into another one until you sort this out.

finbarrk

You are just probably not ready to settle down yet. This is quite common, lots of guys do the same as you. I wouldn't get too bothered about it if I were you. In 10 years time you will be more settled.
As someone else on here said, 'men weren't designed to stay faithfull'. Even though it's the correct thing.

LegacyUser

What you have is not a high sex drive but a very low self-steem and are very inmature.

I wonder if you really love your girlfriend. I had a conversation with male friends about cheating and they all agree that when a man really loves a woman he does not have the need to cheat.

Don´t you realise the harm you are doing to your girlfriend? You are going to break her heart when she finds out, and she will ..soooner or later cheaters are always caught.

LegacyUser

I find this whole thread to be totally crazy and am disgusted by thei men evolved to cheat BS.
First of all, OP if you want to sleep around, that's great, more power to you!
But don't expect that you can have your cake and eat it too! I bet you like that feeling of love, intamacy and caring that your GF shows you (only because she believes that it's just between the 2 of you), that intimacy that you just cant get from a one night stand...
Just think for one second, if you knew your GF was cheating too, would that love and intimacy still be there from your point of view, i doubt it!
Why do you get to lie and have a relationship and leave her feelings exposed and think it's ok? Because your a man?!?!?! lol!
For the record, women can cheat and do cheat also, this 'men evolved to cheat' c*** is just that, c***!
Anyone can cheat, male or female and the it is just as selfish mean and hurtful from either sex i'm afraid!
How would you feel if you found out she was playing away too?
Would you admire her 'high sex drive?' (believe it or not, women can have them too!!!) Or allow her to justify it by saying that woman are equal in this day and age and have just as much right to sleep around and cheat!!!! lol again!!!

My point is that whether your a man or a woman, when you cheat on your partner, you are being selfish and horrible to them, you are allowing them to believe that you are someone that you are not, you are misleading them and for your own secret selfishness, no matter what BS you hide behind, people are not made to cheat, you choose to!
Break up with your GF, do her a favour, or else tell her your doing the dirty and let her decide if she's cool with it, at least your showing your true colours!!!!
Or are you too selfish to let her be free to meet a man who doesn't cheat?!?!? (believe me, there are plaenty of them out there to!!!)

ladygrey

I agree. Cheating on someone denies them their freedom. Their freedom to decide whether or not they want to be in a unfaithful relationship or not. It violates someone's autonomy.

It also makes a victim out of someone - completely unwittingly on their part.

You know, I was recently the victim of a very bizarre situation that involved a philanderer extraordinaire. I felt that the only reason he could get away with his behaviour was that he actually relied on everbody's assumption that people don't behave like this (cheat with multiple partners). So while they justify their own actions, they cannot acknowledge the irony of the fact that the societal structure that they are exploiting (ie people shouldn't cheat) is the one that they need in order run a scenario like this... if you get me.

So just think again before you continue.

aidan24326

bSlick wrote: »

I would say it is to be expected. It mightn't be something to be proud of it but it's just the way of the world. Nobody likes to come straight out and say it but the fact is 90%+ of guys cheat. Women really have no idea how many men are at it, or would take the opportunity if it arose...

Some men cheat for sure, as do some women aswell. But I would very much take issue with your figure of 90%+. That simply isn't true.

If you were born in some other society in another part of the world, our tradition of taking one partner for life would have people shaking their heads/raising their eyebrows.

No-one forces you into monogamy. You don't have to stay with one girl if you don't want to. But to pretend that you are being faithful to one girl while sleeping around behind her back is just being dishonest. Why not do the honest thing and admit that you can't and don't want to stay with one girl, and then just sleep around all you want or as much as the opportunity presents itself.

iguana

galwaybob wrote: »

Very good point.

I cheat and all of the male friends I know cheat, even the married ones.
The male has evolved over 3 million years to breed with as many females as possible, you cant beat that out of him after a mere century or so of religious indoctrination. Most women are living in a dream world when it comes to this stuff.:rolleyes:

Two words for you: "polyandry" and "superfecundation" I assume that as you are such an expert on human anthropology you will have a good reason as to why these two words make a nonsense of the above quote. Of course your assertions that religion has only been around for a century while males have been around for 3 million do that right away.

If you are going to try to use science to excuse your selfish behaviour at least learn the basics of anthropology. Humans have been around for about 200,000 years, hominids for roughly 13,000,000. There were monogamous species of hominids before there were ever humans. Monotheistic religions such as Judaism have been around for roughly 3500 but many religions that predate that also had monogamous marriage as core beliefs. In fact monogamy appears to have been practiced by some primeval species.

Cheating is not a behaviour which is scientifically excused for males (or anyone). It is however nasty, selfish behaviour which has the power to devastate someone who loves you. There is nothing at all wrong with engaging in multiple sex partners if that's what you choose. But only so long as you are open about the situation with each and everyone of your partners. Otherwise you are just being cruel to someone who trusts and loves you.

Wibbs

My 2 cents?

While I agree with much of what iguana posted, I still feel people, some men and women cheat. I would say it breaks down pretty equally between the sexes in my experience, though there seems to be diffs in the genders depending on life stage. I would look on it like sexual orientation in people, or the ability to form loving bonds, it's not black and white it's more a continuum. A continuum from exclusive monogamy to multiple partners(sometimes with the participation of both partners too) with a big grey area in the middle. I would be of the opinion that some are "born" or nurtured to more likely cheat or are more likely to be faithful at different stages in their lives. IMHO there would be some biological influence for both genders as spreading their bets genetically would make sense for a proportion of the population. Some of our physiology points to a mid line between monogamy and multiple partners. There are also cultural forces at work too. So having affairs outside the primary relationship would be more acceptable in somewhere like France than in Saudi Arabia. The cuckolded male, the other woman/man etc are notions with a long presence in recorded history. The babylonians, the greeks, the romans mention it. Religions tried to minimise it's impact on society. Like the poor it will always be with us.

I don't think we can say we're an exclusively monogamous species. Not by a long shot. We've few clues what we were like in the distant past and we know zip about our hominid ancestors. The most we can say is judging from the genetics, is that there was a fair amount of swapping going on.

That all said, we've grown as a society and species and we should grow as individuals. We're not pickled in aspic. The choice is still ours to make and when we make that choice without taking into account a partners feelings we in a way stop being human. So when I know someone, man or woman that is secretly cheating it makes a lie of their relationships and it makes a lie of the feelings of their partner. That's never good.

In the OPs case, he seems willful about this. That's not a good sign in someone. It looks like he's got something to prove. Purely objectively I would have far more respect for a wife taking a secret lover, while keeping her family together and respecting and loving her husband in other areas than what the OP seems to be doing.

OP, ask yourself why you do this. Horniness is not an answer BTW. I can be a slut of the highest order, but I've never cheated in a relationship. I chose not to. I chose not to, because I was actually in love, or were I wasn't I chose not to out of respect for her and plain simple manners. Do you regard her feelings at all? Do you see a future with her or is she just "the girlfriend"? Can you see yourself happy with the attentions of just one woman?

Either way the choice is simple, leave her or stop. Give her back the choice she doesn't have now. It's good manners.

iguana

Wibbs wrote: »

I don't think we can say we're an exclusively monogamous species. Not by a long shot. We've few clues what we were like in the distant past and we know zip about our hominid ancestors. The most we can say is judging from the genetics, is that there was a fair amount of swapping going on.

I definitely don't believer that humans are all a monogamous species either. Some of or ancestors and close biological relatives were, some formed polygamous groupings (actually polygamy which means both males and females had multiple partners) some formed polygynous groupings (where just the male takes numerous partners) and some had polyandrous groupings (the woman takes numerous partners). It tends to be more complicated than that, for example, even in a polygynous grouping it's not unusual for a female to choose a younger male who she believes will become alpha as her lover, over the current alpha.

Humans are more complicated than animals due to our intellect. We have broken into so many societies and cultures that we have societies which have practiced each and every form of sexual groupings and ritualised certain practices to certain cultures. I'm not saying monogamy is what we are biological destined for, we aren't. But people trying to use biological urges and anthropology to excuse cheating won't wash, it's not grounded in science.

In our time and place we are very lucky, because while long-term monogamy is our societal norm, it is not the only option. If someone absolutely knows they do not wish to only ever be with one person they do not have to. There are all types of lifestyles that people choose to live. There are marriages where both partners are socially monogamous but have other sexual partners. There are people who live polyamorously. It's all fine, all people are different. But cheating in a relationship where the other person believes you are monogamous is cruel and hurtful behaviour and is not backed up by science.

LegacyUser

I have been with my lady a year and haven't even so much as pecked any other girl on the lips I liked (and believe me I have had plenty of oppertunities), let alone slept with them.

Know why? Because:

1) The reason I am with her is because I like her so much that I feel that no other girl comes close, and I want to be true to her. if I didnt feel this way about a girl I wouldn't go out with her
2) I would really hate someone to do that to me. It is offensive, unkind, unfair and thoughroughly reprehensible

I too have a mega super duper high sex drive. I see hot girls every day of the week. Know what I do when there's no sex to be had? Jerk off.


I hope your girlfriend finds out and dumps your cheating ass. She deserves better.

LegacyUser

Just to support the point that was raised about cheating not being a male dominated thing. I am a 26 year old female who has cheated on every man I have ever had a relationshiop with. Believe me, I am not proud of the fact. After causing one of my boyfriends particular heartache I decided I needed to sort out why I was behaving like this. I went for intensive counselling and it brought up some stuff from the past, which does not excuse my behavior but helped me understand to a degree why I did this serial cheating. As a child I constantly watched my father cheat on my mother, it was one woman after another and my mothers life was distroyed. To this day it it still bugs her even though they are long since divorced. I guess it was all I ever saw and in some way it conditioned my mind to never allow a man to treat me in this way. Hence the fact that I will cheat and hurt them before they ever get the chance to do it to me.
OP is it possibble there is something in your past or childhood that could be contributing to your serial cheating?

Wurly

Unregisteredude wrote: »

I have been with my lady a year and haven't even so much as pecked any other girl on the lips I liked (and believe me I have had plenty of oppertunities), let alone slept with them.

Know why? Because:

1) The reason I am with her is because I like her so much that I feel that no other girl comes close, and I want to be true to her. if I didnt feel this way about a girl I wouldn't go out with her
2) I would really hate someone to do that to me. It is offensive, unkind, unfair and thoughroughly reprehensible

I too have a mega super duper high sex drive. I see hot girls every day of the week. Know what I do when there's no sex to be had? Jerk off.


I hope your girlfriend finds out and dumps your cheating ass. She deserves better.

I think your post would help any girl restore her faith in men.;)

krudler

Have never and will never cheated on someone, have been cheated on and its a horrible feeling, OP you should either break up with your gf and dont tell her about the cheating, or come clean and let her dump you, either way you're a coward so hopefully a nice STI is in store for you

dublingal80

meetthecheat wrote: »

Is this a sign that my current gf is not the one for me or this cheating to be expected from a young man with a healthy sex drive?

hehehehe, sorry, that made me laugh! How you can actually ask if its a sign that your current girlfriend isnt the one for you is just beyond me!!!

Break up with the poor girl now, and you can continue doing what you are doing and she can get on with her life.

Peewee_lane

Hey - you remind me of someone not worth talking about but you should get your act together like Gary Glitter and catch the next plane to Thailand. Anything goes there. Sooner or later though mate, fooling around with both sexes will catch you a cold or std, especially since were coming into the colder weather and peoples defences are down.

Do yourself a favour, break up with the girl and see how happy you then.

You're not ready to be in a relationship if you have no consideration for the other person.