Confused...

dublingal80

I desperately need help regarding a guy. I have met him a few times when visiting her over in Scotland but she moved back to Dublin and he was back here a few weeks ago with some of her other friends to celebrate her birthday. We always got on really well and flirt a little bit, but never thought anything of it.

As the drink flowed that night he started being more honest about his wife. She verbally abuses him, fights with him for no reasons, and sometimes even hits him. They have a 3 year old little girl that they adopted when she was 6 months old, she is just gorgeous. I was telling him he has to leave her, he cant stay with someone like that.

Since he went back home, we have been talking on msn a lot, most nights anyway, telling eachother how much we like eachother, but I keep telling him I wont be with him while he is still with his wife, but I dont want him to leave her for me. Thats too much pressure

VaioCruiser

I think you are doing the right thing. It is up to him what to do about his unfortunate situation and as you don't mention any specific feelings for him, he needs to stay or leave for his own reasons.

All the best.

dublingal80

Im just afraid that if we do get together, I'll be seen as the othe woman. I know his wife will always be in in the picture because of the kid, so its not going to be the easiest relationship.

I dont know why I always go for guys I cant have, or challenges!

star-pants

Your post itself is somewhat confusing

I have met him a few times when visiting her over in Scotland but she moved back to Dublin and he was back here a few weeks ago with some of her other friends to celebrate her birthday

Is she a friend of yours? (just the start of your post doesn't make sense)
Whether she's a friend or not, this guy is married and if he's not happy and wants to leave he has to choose it for himself, you can't and shouldn't tell him what to do. You also shouldn't be his safety net if/when he decides to leave. His choice needs to be his.
Personally I wouldn't get involved, even in saying ye like each other all the time. As you said too much pressure if he were to leave her for you, and you don't even know if it would work out.

I'd take a step back if I were you. Because someones going to get hurt

also - sarahsassy has a valid point - are you guys bf/gf or are you already in a relationship yourself?

VaioCruiser

dublingal80 wrote: »

Im just afraid that if we do get together, I'll be seen as the othe woman. I know his wife will always be in in the picture because of the kid, so its not going to be the easiest relationship.

Life is far too short and important to be worrying about that kind of thing. Whatever happens happens... forget what "other people" think.

I dont know why I always go for guys I cant have, or challenges!

Now THAT is a much more important question for you to examine in your own heart. It will lead to a lot of heartache and self esteem problems for you and is something I believe you need to change.

All the best

Wibbs

SarahSassy you were warned on another forum about sharing things across forums. This goes double for PI. No more please. This is not the place for it. Thanks.

SarahSassy

Sorry they were both posted before your first warning... It does have a bearing on the problem though if she calls him her boyfriend.

bloatedbelly

I cant believe it - i thought i was posting unreg. I didnt see that my flatmate was still logged in! Would she get an email about new messages that she posted here so will be able to see the message I wrote? I havent told anyone about it yet.:(

Silverfish

bloatedbelly wrote: »

I cant believe it - i thought i was posting unreg. I didnt see that my flatmate was still logged in! Would she get an email about new messages that she posted here so will be able to see the message I wrote? I havent told anyone about it yet.:(

Yes, she will receive emails when there are replies to the thread, if she has not turned this feature off.

I have closed the thread in the meantime.