Want to turn back time :(

malibles

Hi

Ok to start with I don't know what exactly I'm looking for when i post this thread because what's done is done as such..... but anyway.

I was seeing this guy for 3/4 months earlier in the year, circumstances changed on his behalf, he's going to LA for a year in the next few months so we decided it might be best to call it a day before things got too serious.

Between nights out and whatnot we have kissed a handful of times since then but nothing more. I know its over and I'm fine with that but I know we should have cut all contact from the day we finished but we didn't. We haven't been texting or anything, just bumping into eachother when out.

Now last weekend there was a party and the group we were with ended up going back to it after town. I ended up sleeping in the same room as him and one thing lead to another....Started fooling around and stuff (and I regret it now after seeing what happened, to say we did some oral) but we did not go the whole way, I just did not want him thinking he had it that easy as such ha! :P

A friend text me this morning asking had we done everything because apparently he told one of his friends that he got everything the other night which is untrue because he did not. I cant' believe he's telling his friends things like this. I am good friends with the whole group and for them to think I would give out like that kills me What can I do? I don't want to text him and ask him outright, its out of the question. Besides telling them upfront when i see them next, there's nothing else that can be done until it blows over is there. I don't know how many people he has told.

This sucks majorly :( I know its partly my fault but to make up rumours is just childish and its making me feel pretty damn cheap to be honest I needed to get that off my chest but I'm sure people have been in this position before and I would like to hear how you dealt with it. thanks!

Taltos

There are a few ways you can approach this but you need to be sure who has started this whole rumour?

ie if it was him then I personally would destroy him, ie next time the group is together and this comes up that you put out - say - "gosh I would have except someone was feeling a LITTLE anxious"...

BUT - if it was a mate of his who is maybe a bit jealous then going that route will really mess that guy up too much... You basically need to step it back and find out who has started it all.

You did say yourself though that you have tried easing things up before he heads away - so it seems to me that you now have the perfect excuse/reason for doing so. Just take a break from him and them all.

And the next time someone says this to you instead reply "Do you really think I am that easy???" - leave it at that and walk away. Don't get upset or anything, cause if it was not him then whoever did start this cares very little for you...

SarahSassy

Do text him and ask him if he said that. If he admits it (which is unlikely) tell him he is a plank with a small and skinny 'plank'. You could always say to his friend 'well maybe he put it in but i didnt feel a thing '

Terodil

I personally think you're making FAR too big a deal out of this...

Perhaps I just don't know the group you're hanging out with but why on earth do you care what they think?

Your real friends won't judge you for doing something YOU (like him) wanted, even if they believe you did more than you actually did (tbh to me it's only a very minor difference in grades anyway!). It's the friends that you can easily be rid of that will.

TBH it's absolutely nobody's business at all who you do what with and if you act all guilty/sorry/exasperated about these rumours then you'll just pour fuel into the fire.

You're an independent woman who knows what she wants and what she doesn't want. Act like it and just smile mischievously if this comes back at you. You're in no way a worse person for having (oral) sex with him, and even if you had had penetrative sex it wouldn't have made an ounce of difference.

If you boil this up now you'll just put yourself into a position to be hurt, your mind will keep churning for the next weeks, and you'll ironically end up losing respect over it. Just shrug it off. What would you fight for? For an official declaration that you just had oral and no penetrative sex? =/

malibles

Thanks for those replies. I'm actually feeling a bit better already but I would appreciate any people who have already experienced this.

When I got that message this morning I nearly felt sick A small thing like that can give someone a bad rep. He's a genuine guy ( I thought!) so I am shocked to find out he would do that. Whether he said it to big himself up or not I don't know.

I am not sure now if the person who told my friend this was on about last weekend or what went on when we were together but either way he shouldn't be spreading stuff like that when its untrue on both accounts.

Its what his friends ( kind of mututal friends since before we were together) will think of me out of this more than anything else. Sorry if i seem to be making a big deal out of this when it may seem trivial to other people's problems but I tend to make a mountain out of a molehill at the time then look back on it after a few days and wonder why I was so worried . thanks..

Terodil

malibles wrote: »

When I got that message this morning I nearly felt sick A small thing like that can give someone a bad rep. He's a genuine guy ( I thought!) so I am shocked to find out he would do that. Whether he said it to big himself up or not I don't know.

People have different communication styles and ethics. I would never ever mention a word about my sex life to anybody but my OH. But I know many people have no qualms about discussing the most intimate details with their 'best friends' or even just friends.

If that's where the shock comes from then yeah, I totally understand you. But there's no way to repair an info leak like that, you'll just need to develop the proverbial stiff upper lip or play with it to minimise the damage.

If, however, your gripe lies in the fact that he told people you had penetrative sex and not 'just' oral (and that's what you lead me to believe with your OP), then I really don't understand what the big deal is. You touched each other anyway, if you really went the last mm or not... well... to me it would be totally inconsequential, at least. No need to feel sick about that tiny detail, really!

malibles wrote: »

Its what his friends ( kind of mututal friends since before we were together) will think of me out of this more than anything else.

I'm not belittling your worries but I really think you need to take a deep breath and look at it 'from the outside'. Put yourself into the shoes of one of your friends. In their position, would you actually make a big deal if she had penetrative sex with a guy she liked or just oral? I can understand your emotional turmoil but really, put it down here: What more exactly do you fear they will think with the misinformation in place compared to what they would have thought with the correct information at hand? I think you'll agree that the information delta is negligeable.

Edit: One more thought on this: If you just smile/ignore the rumours, then you will BOTH end up being thought of the same way, as two people who liked each other and ended up having sex, as countless other people do every day. If you make a big fuss out of this you may force your mutual friends to take sides and lose a fair share of them. Not a good choice IMO.

malibles

Terodil wrote: »

People have different communication styles and ethics. I would never ever mention a word about my sex life to anybody but my OH. But I know many people have no qualms about discussing the most intimate details with their 'best friends' or even just friends.

If that's where the shock comes from then yeah, I totally understand you. But there's no way to repair an info leak like that, you'll just need to develop the proverbial stiff upper lip or play with it to minimise the damage.

If, however, your gripe lies in the fact that he told people you had penetrative sex and not 'just' oral (and that's what you lead me to believe with your OP), then I really don't understand what the big deal is. You touched each other anyway, if you really went the last mm or not... well... to me it would be totally inconsequential, at least. No need to feel sick about that tiny detail, really!


I'm not belittling your worries but I really think you need to take a deep breath and look at it 'from the outside'. Put yourself into the shoes of one of your friends. In their position, would you actually make a big deal if she had penetrative sex with a guy she liked or just oral? I can understand your emotional turmoil but really, put it down here: What more exactly do you fear they will think with the misinformation in place compared to what they would have thought with the correct information at hand? I think you'll agree that the information delta is negligeable.

Edit: One more thought on this: If you just smile/ignore the rumours, then you will BOTH end up being thought of the same way, as two people who liked each other and ended up having sex, as countless other people do every day. If you make a big fuss out of this you may force your mutual friends to take sides and lose a fair share of them. Not a good choice IMO.

You have helped set it straight for me Terodil. Whether we did whatever or not its done now. Guess its just in the cold light of morning after hearing from my friend that i paniked for whatever reason. people do this everyday and I'm sure something else will crop up and make this blow over. Thanks for your help. Pity i didn't have someone like you beside me this morning at 10am when I realised what happened ha! :)

Thank you for the other replies too. I think I'll just ignore the rumours and just let on that it doesn't bother me which the more i think about it, why should it? One night, one mistake....life goes on :P:rolleyes: