How to stop reading into things?

LegacyUser

Long story short, boyfriend and i just got back together after a 4 month split,I felt he had changed and was no longer interested etc.. He acknowledges he changed and we are both willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. One of my biggest problems was his drinking which he says he has calmed down (ill have to see for myself) and also he just seemed to want to be with his friends all the time among other things.
So how do i stop myself reading into things now? Like seeing problems where there are none?
We're together 4 years next month (minus the split). We get on like a house on fire when things are good,and our arguments aren't crazy screaming matches or anything,I honestly think we can make it work and my part to help is gtting my head under control!!!
We both do thnk we're meant to be so I really want it to work

VaioCruiser

girl_reader wrote: »

Long story short, boyfriend and i just got back together after a 4 month split,I felt he had changed and was no longer interested etc.. He acknowledges he changed and we are both willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. One of my biggest problems was his drinking which he says he has calmed down (ill have to see for myself) and also he just seemed to want to be with his friends all the time among other things.
So how do i stop myself reading into things now? Like seeing problems where there are none?
We're together 4 years next month (minus the split). We get on like a house on fire when things are good,and our arguments aren't crazy screaming matches or anything,I honestly think we can make it work and my part to help is gtting my head under control!!!
We both do thnk we're meant to be so I really want it to work

Hi OP. This is essentially all about trust. He screwed up by failing to control his drinking and not wanting a real relationship, by spending so much time with his mates.

You have agreed to give it another go and naturally you will wonder if he has really changed. It is totally natural and I see no fault with your feelings whatsoever.

I do say to you that you need to stay on top of this drink thing because people with drink problems rarely change. So I would advise you to STAY suspicious for a long time yet until you really do have confidence in him. On the other issue of his friends, you don't say much about whether he has changed. He needs to change because you deserve someone who wants to be with you more than be with his mates. Everyone needs time to themselves. It just has to be balanced.

All the best

DangerMouse27

This sounds like oh such a familiar tale except..im the guy!
Sounds like you are really tired without even realising it..maybe there is alot of benefit to be able to read into hidden meaning of stuff when your work,and a particular dishonest boss or work colleague but not with partner..Firstly define work from home..that helped me alot.
Secondly, i was involved for my whole life in Athletics and fitness and when i had to give that up for a long period,the gap was filled by her.Where once i had something like far reaching goals in sport,now my only far reaching goal was her.
Find out what your goals are and dont focus them on him.

LegacyUser

Hi VaioCruiser
We are actually only back together a few days and i've just moved to a new town for work but will be home at the weekends. I think me moving is good for us because will give him a chance to miss me and we won't end up gettin back into the rut we were in.
You see for pretty much the first 3 years i was the most laid back girlfriend, he could do what he wanted when he wanted and i didn't care because he still made time for me. Then he started taking that for granted and seemed to make less and less time for me which in turn resulted in aguments but he could never see my point.
Now he says he can see that he changed and that he put his friends first and i've explained that i just don't want to feel so unimportant. I understand he needs time to himself and so do i. So i am goint to have to trust him when he says he will make changes. He's already making suggestions about nights away and visiting me so i do think he is really trying.
It's just my insecurities that developed during our bad patch aren't going to go away over night and even though he says he knows this I just hope he keeps it in mind you know? and I've told him that as much as i love him and wnat to be with him I'm not going to settle for a half arsed relationship!

VaioCruiser

Hi OP..

I am very impressed with what you write above. It seems to me that you are doing the rights things and the ball is very much in his court. I congratulate you and want you to have confidence in what you are doing.
The way we avoid getting into ruts is by constantly questioning ourselves and our partners. Are we doing enough ? are they doing enough ? what can we do to make it better ?

All the best

LegacyUser

VaioCruiser wrote: »

Hi OP..

I am very impressed with what you write above. It seems to me that you are doing the rights things and the ball is very much in his court. I congratulate you and want you to have confidence in what you are doing.
The way we avoid getting into ruts is by constantly questioning ourselves and our partners. Are we doing enough ? are they doing enough ? what can we do to make it better ?

All the best

yeah and we are both suggesting things to do together and places to go. I think we both want it to work so much that if we really try and not forget how easy it is to slip back into old habits then we should be good!!
Thanks!