Ladies toilets.

Pighead

Pighead was looking at his "Ten things to do before you die" list last night and at number 7 right under "Find the secret to everlasting life" was "Go for a wee wee in a ladies toilet" Have always wondered what their toilets were like and how they differed to mens.

Mens' toilets tend to be stinky and dirty with the walls made of piss yellow stone and decorated with a broken hand dryer. And unless the pub you are in is a pub of gayness nearly all forms of interaction are unwelcome. Head down, zero eye contact, do your business, wash hands and get the hell back to your beer.


Is it the same in the ladies? Is talking to each other whilst sitting on the toilet frowned upon? Are the walls painted pink? Is there a constant sweet smell of jasmine and lavender wafting fragrantly around the toilets? Does the fact that women do their wee wees whilst sitting eliminate the whole "Hover" scenario as the seats are unlikely to be covered in urine splashes?

AnonoBoy

They're filled with couches and coffee tables laden with magazines. There's also the faint smell of disinfectant and despair in the air.

Or is that doctor's waiting rooms?

I always get those two confused.

Fink Goddie

Yes ladies toilets are lovely coz girls dont poo!

Sleipnir

I often use the ladies if I'm in the office on a weekend or something.
Not because they're any better or cleaner, it's purely for the guilty pleasure when I see the ladies go in their on the following Monday. :pac:

dr.bollocko

Ladies toilets, public or in a bar are ranker than mens most of the time. They're like wild animals in there.

Fink Goddie

dr.bollocko wrote: »

Ladies toilets, public or in a bar are ranker than mens most of the time. They're like wild animals in there.

And how do you know?

dr.bollocko

Fink Goddie wrote: »

And how do you know?

I'm a girl.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Because he's used the ladies before. Obvious, really.

Do the ladies' loos have big african blokes immaculately dressed and handing out aftershave for 2€ a spray?

funk-you

Fink Goddie wrote: »

And how do you know?

I thought everyone knew that the good Dr. has a detachable penis:pac:

-Funk

bluto63

dr.bollocko wrote: »

I'm a girl.

That doesn't explain how you know what the men's are like. Or have you been a filthy little girl?

Pighead

Sleipnir wrote: »

I often use the ladies if I'm in the office on a weekend or something.
Not because they're any better or cleaner, it's purely for the guilty pleasure when I see the ladies go in their on the following Monday. :pac:

That's another thing. Pighead is obviously a prude as almost everybody he knows claims to have visited toilets meant for the opposite sex tonnes of times.

Larry the liar constantly looks down at Pighead and says snide things like " Ha ha you're such a noob Pighead, if you haven't been to a ladies toilet you haven't lived. I was in one just last evening and lets just say I didn't go in to relieve my bowels if you know what I mean"

Basically he was implying he was making love in the toilets with a lady but that's most likely a lie as he's a dweeb and a liar and it's far more likely he went in to smell the lavender hand cloths before running out giggling like a little schoolgirl.

RxQueen

Ladies toilets if anything are worse than mens

I use the mens toilets sometimes in the centre i work in, purely for the fact that its nearly always a 100 times cleaner than the ladies..

Sorry to burst your bubble pighead!

Fink Goddie

dr.bollocko wrote: »

I'm a girl.

Just at the weekends or all the time?
That Explains a lot really

Pighead wrote: »

That's another thing. Pighead is obviously a prude as almost everybody he knows claims to have visited toilets meant for the opposite sex tonnes of times.

Larry the liar constantly looks down at Pighead and says snide things like " Ha ha you're such a noob Pighead, if you haven't been to a ladies toilet you haven't lived. I was in one just last evening and lets just say I didn't go in to relieve my bowels if you know what I mean"

Basically he was implying he was making love in the toilets with a lady but that's most likely a lie as he's a dweeb and a liar and it's far more likely he went in to smell the lavender hand cloths before running out giggling like a little schoolgirl.

Why do you always speak in the turd person pighead

Pighead

emo!! wrote: »

Sorry to burst your bubble pighead!

No problem emo. This isn't the first time Pighead's had his bubble burst and it probably won't be the last either.

Can barely remember the first time the old bubble was burst actually but it was probably back in 77 when a newly born Pighead was put into his mothers arms by the nurse only to be told "I don't want him nurse, he's too pretty. Take him away". Rejected at birth by the woman who bore him. It put a real dampner on the whole being born into the world thing.

Anyway back on topic, womens toilets is an anagram of moistens towel which is probably significant in some way or other.

Long Onion

Ah, the age old toilet question.

During my wild days of youth, I worked in many bars and found that some things are indeed constant. Mens toilets seem dirtier at fisrt glance, this is almost all down to the smell though. The fact is that male toilets are not very user friendly at all - part of me thinks that they were designed by spiteful women as a wonderful maens of perpetuating the myth that men are smelly beasts.

Firstly we have a big open urinal which by its very nature must smell of p1ss constantly, you p1ss on a wall and it splashes on the floor, you then walk the p1ss all over the rest of the toilet and out into the bar.

Secondly, men generally speaking, do not have the same insane hygiene demands as women so they will actually use the toilet bowl as a place to lay brown eggs, this adds to the smell.

Womens toilets tend not to be as smelly as they do not have a urinal and prefer to hold the poop in for a whole night. They are, however often dirtier than mens toilets, toilet paper is strewn everywhere, covered in concealer, mascara and eyeshadow, there are often used sanitary products discarded on the floor or floating in the toilet as the bin was full or too complicated to use.

There is also a pervading air of bitchiness which hangs in the air long after the bar has emptied, if you are very quiet, you can still hear the catty comments about the larger lady with the "muffin top"

In my experience, women are actually dirtier in public bathrooms than men, the latter get the thin end of the wedge due to the design flaws.

A friends of mine swears that those toilet roll holders that are always stiff - meaning that you have to put your hand up inside and tease out the paper with delicate and dexterous finger movements - were designed by irate women as a method of teaching men the basics of foreplay.

Lollipops23

girls are capable of some serious breaches in bathroom etiquette....like not flushing after a number 2, peeing on the seat and not wiping it up and even leaving tampon wrappers on the floor...ew.

Having said that, have caught a whiff of men's toilets and the stink is unholy:(

Pighead

Lollipops23 wrote: »

peeing on the seat and not wiping it up

How does a woman pee on the seat? Surely she'd have to try if she wanted to do such a thing.

Novella

Lollipops23 wrote: »

even leaving tampon wrappers on the floor...ew.

Sometimes there are actual used tampons on the floor. Tampon wrappers aren't bad at all!

Anyway, it depends where you go really. Have been in some really awful Ladies and some that were just fine!

Pighead

Novella wrote: »

Have been in some really awful Ladies

So has Pighead.

RxQueen

Pighead wrote: »

How does a woman pee on the seat? Surely she'd have to try if she wanted to do such a thing.

sometimes hovering goes wrong..

ejmaztec

emo!! wrote: »

sometimes hovering goes wrong..

I thought that all women were born with GPS.

AnonoBoy

emo!! wrote: »

sometimes hoovering goes wrong..

So it's the cleaners that are doing it then, yeah?

Abi

Lollipops23 wrote: »

girls are capable of some serious breaches in bathroom etiquette....like not flushing after a number 2, peeing on the seat and not wiping it up and even leaving tampon wrappers on the floor...ew.

The only place I've seen this is in the toilets in shopping centres, which I assumed it was kids not flushing..... Isn't it?

Fink Goddie

This thread should be in the ladies lounge, they love talking sh1t :pac:

ejmaztec

Abigayle wrote: »

The only place I've seen this is in the toilets in shopping centres, which I assumed it was kids not flushing..... Isn't it?

Sometimes the U bend refuses to allow safe passage to the underworld. That's when you have to beat it down with a stick.

Lollipops23

Abigayle wrote: »

The only place I've seen this is in the toilets in shopping centres, which I assumed it was kids not flushing..... Isn't it?

I've seen it in the toilet in college and in the ladies' in work:mad: ew ew ew,it'd actually put you off your lunch.

Lollipops23

Pighead wrote: »

How does a woman pee on the seat? Surely she'd have to try if she wanted to do such a thing.

i think it's when they go to stand up before wiping; fair enough if it happens, but at least wipe it up!!!:mad:

Sleipnir

Lollipops23 wrote: »

I've seen it in the toilet in college and in the ladies' in work:mad: ew ew ew,it'd actually put you off your lunch.

You eat your lunch while in the ladies' room? You're sick.

pistonsvox

They must be awful cos girls (drunken hills wannabees with huge hair) always end up using the guys jacks. Funny guys just pull their knobs out in front of em and theyre complaining:rolleyes:

TriceMarie

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Because he's used the ladies before. Obvious, really.

Do the ladies' loos have big african blokes immaculately dressed and handing out aftershave for 2€ a spray?

No,they have african ladies wanting 2 euro to use the handwash!!!:mad::(

truecrippler

Been to the girls in Dorans; it's digusting... just like the blokes.

Had a bit of the aul "How's yer father" in another girls toilets before, was nice actually.

Pighead

truecrippler wrote: »

Been to the girls in Dorans; it's digusting... just like the blokes.

Had a bit of the aul "How's yer father" in another girls toilets before, was nice actually.

Nice? Nice?!!! Are you sure?

You make it sound like you had a wonderful picnic in the jacks before making sweet sweet love under beautiful dimly lit flourescent lights whilst the squirrels sang romantic songs in the background. Drunkenly getting off with with some pissed chick in the jacks rarely falls under the category of "nice"

gcgirl

The ladies jaxx in The Academy are rank!! completely

Novella

truecrippler wrote: »

Been to the girls in Dorans; it's digusting... just like the blokes.

Had a bit of the aul "How's yer father" in another girls toilets before, was nice actually.

Most of the toilets in Doran's don't lock and they are completely and utterly nasty! I'm agreeing with Pighead on this one, that cannot have been nice!

Gary ITR

LOL the Ladies in the club I work flooded last night, they got backed up and started to overflow.

Our sewage system was obviously no match for some of the girls we had in last night

bronte

I have had nightmares about the toilets in Dorans. :eek:

Pighead

bronte wrote: »

I have had nightmares about the toilets in Dorans. :eek:

If it was that bad, how come you told truecrippler "it was nice"?

Sleipnir

Pighead wrote: »

If it was that bad, how come you told truecrippler "it was nice"?

He said that was "in another girls toilet" although the lack of an apostrophe is confusing me.
That is, was it in "another girl's toilet" or "another girls' toilet"?

You see how important punctuation is now people? It can ruin a reader's fantasies.
Or fulfill them, depending on how depraved your mind is.

bronte

Pighead wrote: »

If it was that bad, how come you told truecrippler "it was nice"?

Heh, dunno about you piggy, but toilets aren't my favoured location for sexytime. No siree.

Abi

Lollipops23 wrote: »

I've seen it in the toilet in college and in the ladies' in work

That is disgusting

FlutterinBantam

Pigser, you are one naive gentleman.

What happens is this, the ladies likes to hover, that is not put their pristine buns on the seat, so she "backs up" and lines up the "clam's eye" at the pan.

Now Pigser, I happen to know that you have a military background and you can see that the aim "from the hip" is often suspect,especially as they all give a little "start " when the stream opens up for some reason.

This covers the seat and when they have finally got her steady,trying to miss the water and not make noise is the issue.

It's an unexact science Pigser,the lack of "spouting" is a big drawback for them in fairness, like pouring out of the top of a teapot Piggy, there will be splashes.

Then the area has to be cleaned when the flow pressure drops and the inner thighs get the "trickle treatment".

So I have great sympathy with our womenfolk, what they should have for pissing is a kind of eastern dunny where you can get down close up and take better aim with better pressure.

I personally cut them loads of slack if they get a bit of spread in the toilets, they are not properly designed for them.

Fair is fair.

AnonoBoy

gcgirl wrote: »

The ladies jaxx in The Academy are rank!! completely

The ones downstairs, The Basement Jaxx if you will?

almostnever

At the gaeltacht,I had to ask one of the lads to get me toilet paper from their bathroom every single time. It got to be a running theme. There was never any in the girls' bathrooms even though there was twice as much there to start with each day. Very frustrating really,it's a good thing I'm so neurotic about checking for toilet paper :P

Also,it's very messy,in general. There tends to be water splashed everywhere and crumpled up tissues littered around the sinks,from my experiences anyway.

Red Sleeping Beauty

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

trying to miss the water and not make noise is the issue.

It's an unexact science Pigser,the lack of "spouting" is a big drawback for them in fairness, like pouring out of the top of a teapot Piggy, there will be splashes.


Fair is fair.

In Japan women used to flush the jacks as they were peeing. The govt. thought this was a terrible waste of water so now some toilets have these automatic audio players that play a continuous stream of toilet flushing while you're peeing to save the embarrassment of anyone hearing your splash.

brendansmith

truecrippler wrote: »

Been to the girls in Dorans; it's digusting... just like the blokes.

Had a bit of the aul "How's yer father" in another girls toilets before, was nice actually.

In other words 'Hey everyone, Ive had sex before'

In All Fairness

Any barman/barwoman would tell you that they would rather clean the men's toilets at the end of the night. Yes, the smell may be horrendous, but at least the floor doesn't look like Wall St. after a ticker-tape parade on a wet day.