Friends all in relationships

LegacyUser

Just wondering has anyone else experienced this and is there anything they can tell me to help my situation. Im a 22 yo female n moved to Galway a few years ago and hv made a bunch of friends. But since most of them hv boyfriends they just dont wanna socialize anymore! I've had one v close relationship and been with 2 other boyfriends since moving here but Ive always maintained seeing my friends. I just find it really upsetting that they've bcm so 'boring'?!
They act like old people! Im trying not to be harsh but its really pissed me off cos i thought
they valued our friendship but i guess not. Everytime we do get together, they say 'oh i havent seen you in ages we have to meet up more!' but nothing changes. It's like they only went out cos they wanted to get with someone but now that that need is filled they dont need to have fun anymore??
Its getting v lonely cos i really wanna hang out, hv a few drinks, chat ect but no one is available. Theyre relationships have become so insular! Enough ranting, i need a new group of friends i know, problem is i dont know anyone else, i dont know how to go about this? Can anyone give me some advice?

tippdar

join a club where you will get a chance to meet new , single people. maybe you should suggest having a few house parties with your friends that are in relationships at the moment as you say they like to stay in a lot

dont worry that you are not in a relationship at the moment, a lot of people in them arent happy

youre only young so enjoy being single and free, imo its too early to be settling down

LegacyUser

Thank you for your reply, I agree that its too early for relationships like this too but its none of my business to tell them that, we have a had a few houseparties n get-togethers, but i dont feel its enough, its once in a blue moon. I feel as though Im missing out. Not because im single, im content to be, i wudnt want a serious relationship right now, but just on socializing a bit more! A club or something might help me branch out to other like minded
people tho yr right. Common sense applies! Thanks!

Blusher

hey, just to add my two cents.............Last year myself and a friend had boyfriends during college, our housemate didn't.......she actually said to us that she missed girls nights out and girly time, myself and my other friend hadn't even realised we were leaving here out at the time and from then on made a big effort to make time for her.

Maybe you could suggest to your friends that you make more girly time for each other, im sure they dont realise what they are doing and would'nt want you to be bothered by this!

Plus galway is great fun so even if your too anxious to mention it, college is starting back soon and there will be loads of people mulling around for you to meet!

LegacyUser

Hey, I'm a guy who moved to galway too and find it similar. Friends all in relationships or have their own things going on.

Don't mind being on my own either but it gets a bit tired and boring doing EVERYTHING alone, nice to just hang out sometimes too.

Its all fine and well when people say join groups and stuff like that but after a while in Galway I've found theres just nothing to do but drink drink and drink more.

iguana

Adrifty wrote: »

JI just find it really upsetting that they've bcm so 'boring'?!
They act like old people!

OP I don't mean to sound harsh as it does suck when your friends all couple off and start to settle down if you are the last one left single. But if this is your attitude toward them is it that surprising that they aren't in a big rush to go out. And even if you don't voice this feeling it may still be coming across.

The thing is that going out all the time is fun for a while, but after a few years that gets pretty boring too. People do decide to settle down and go out less frequently because that is what they want to do. It isn't for anyone else to decide that they are too young. I know when I was 21 I was so bloody bored of going to the same type of place that I'd been going to up to 5 nights a week for 4 years, your friends might feel the same and be ready to move onto the next part of their lives now.

Start showing more interest in their lives if you want them to show more interest in yours. Stop considering them boring, because honestly, they may be picking up on your attitude. Try and suggest a girls night out at least once a fortnight, but don't get upset if they can't all make it. And definitely expand your social life. When I got bored of the same old thing at 21 I started to expand my interests. I started listening to different types of music, going to different types of clubs and gigs. I got involved in all of the things I hadn't had time for when I was going out all the time. I met loads of new friends and stopped being so bored. And those new interests became the first step into my career and marriage.

NedTermo

rockey12345 wrote: »

Hey, I'm a guy who moved to galway too and find it similar. Friends all in relationships or have their own things going on.

Don't mind being on my own either but it gets a bit tired and boring doing EVERYTHING alone, nice to just hang out sometimes too.

Its all fine and well when people say join groups and stuff like that but after a while in Galway I've found theres just nothing to do but drink drink and drink more.

OP and you should meet up.

LegacyUser

lol, nice idea but doubt thats what the op is looking for. Don't know where is a good place in Galway to hang out though.

LegacyUser

Thanks very much for the replies, just like to point out i was particularly frustrated when i wrote the OP so i sounded a bit harsh calling them old, boring etc. Im sure they'd 'love' to hear that! . Its hard but i am trying to come up with new things to do and make suggestions to them other then going out. Does anyone have any ideas? They do complain alot bout going/doing the same things (me included) believe me doing the same thing all the time bores me to tears too! But its like im the only one with any 'initiative' so to speak.
I feel like they have this haughty attitude to things/places that they haven't even tried. Thats why im lookin to join things, hopefully i can expand my social circle then? I doubt they've picked up on my attitude as Ive never mentioned it, if they wanna go home early to cuddle Ive always been ok (maybe they do pick up im secretly disappointed?) about it. My issue is just making some new friends because they probably are at a different phase of life or something. Fair enough you might grow out of doing some things but i dont mean just going out n being merry all the time like surely you dont grow out of fun?
It helps to know im not the only one like this, what do we do?

LegacyUser

Well there's not loads to go, especially here if you don't drink or whatever but you can still go out and have fun.

Just go for walks or drives or shopping at weekends and stuff, keeps ya busy. Prob meet people eventually.

LegacyUser

Are you at college/uni in Galway?? There are LOADS of clubs and socities you can join if so, your bound to find one or two that take your fancy.

Salsa dancing is another massive one around Galway. Sports - hockey, soccer, gaa, athletics all with clubs in the area. Join a gym, find a gym buddy. Yoga, pilates whatever. What about work - are there people there you could get more involved with? Organise a weekend away with your gfs to remind them of times before the bfs.

Talk to your friends and explain how you feel. If they are worth having they'll realise they haven't been the greatest in and world and if they dont - move on.

As for drinking being the only thing to do in Galway - I think not.

iguana

Adrifty wrote: »

Fair enough you might grow out of doing some things but i dont mean just going out n being merry all the time like surely you dont grow out of fun?

You don't grow out of having fun, your definition of fun changes. My favourite thing in the world is walking my dogs by the river. When I was 20 I would have found that so hard to believe.

What are you interested in? What about joining a martial arts class? A book group? A drama class? Or volunteering for a charity? There are lots of things to do depending on your interests.

toddster

Completely in the same boat. It's true about people in longterm serious relationships becoming boring in the true definition of fun i.e. going out having drinks, heading to nightclubs and generally deliberating engaging in activities where they would meet new people. Obviously that lizard who thought walking dogs by a river is fun is a settled oul'wan who probably shouldn't be giving you advice but like alot of people on this site can't help himself/herself 'cos they're so ****in bored. Anyway, join contact past acquantances who mightn't be as 'loved up' as your present friends or take up a sport where people go for a few drinks after a game.

iguana

toddster wrote: »

the true definition of fun i.e. going out having drinks, heading to nightclubs and generally deliberating engaging in activities where they would meet new people.

Having fun is doing something you enjoy, whether it be birdspotting, clubbing or having an orgy. Never moving forward with your life and constantly doing the same thing is generally a good way to get bored fast. I enjoy going out to nightclubs on occasion, sometimes sober, sometimes I drink, sometimes I take a few class As. But doing it every night would bore me to tears and living the rest of my life as I did when I was 20 would reduce my will to live exponentially.

von Neumann

Hiya OP, Yah it sucks alright.........
The best thing you can do is wish them all the best and move on with your life. Trying to resusitate these relationships is a waiste of your precious energy.
TBH I've seen this so many times it's just water off my back at this stage and I'm genuinely happy when friend couple off, but you have to accept that things have changed, it's nothing personal.
If you want to be really annoyed wait until they stop inviting you to things because there coupley things and you wouldn't fit in :P

Skapoot

Hi OP. I hate this situation so much. Been through it. Brought it up to the person. It didnt change. Brought it up again. Still didnt change. Person changed from being "Person who was there for me no matter what", to not giving a **** cos she was too busy with the boyfriend.

I've just accepted that things arent going to be the same. And that I have to make new friends tbh. I have a boyfriend btw. I had to spend literally....the WHOLE summer with him, and then seeing the crew at the weekend, because all other female friends had their boyfriends to attend to during the week,

Im constantly the initiator of meet-ups etc. which end after an hour so they can go back to their boyfriends. Quite scary when you think about how young we are. Quite annoying when you realise that they decide that they're not going to bother seeing you for another week or two cos now that they've got the "see other person apart from bf" over with , they will remain in the love nest for as long as they can.

aaahhh end rant

Moral of story is - dont avoid people in relationships. Just avoid people who LIVE for their relationships.

Theres quite a few girls who actually can retain their social life while having a boyfriend. (i know, shock horror). You just have to find them. I think the join a club thing is good. If you can make friends in work go for it. and If you're doing a postgrad then that would be great too.

Just try not to rely very much on the ones in relationships :pac: