Grieving to the point of feeling ill...

LegacyUser

I don't know if it is appropriate to post here as I am grieving for my pet cat, who died last week. She was 17. She lived at home with my parents but I go back almost weekly that she still felt like my cat. I know, I know, a great age, died quickly (vet said it was a massive heart attack) and I know there are people out there losing loved ones, every day. Believe me, Ive grieved for my brother and other loved ones. I am happily married and have had nothing but support and compassion from everyone around me, the last week. My dog died three years ago and while I was very upset, I could accept it (she had been very ill for some months beforehand).

My little cat though, has gone so quickly, I am absolutely heartbroken.One minute she was eating and still playing with everyone and the next, she was struggling to breathe and passed away in my mothers arms. I got the phone call at work and just couldnt take it in at all.

Ive done everything people have advised me to do - write out every memory I have of my little pal, go to her grave, sort out photos of her and videos and talk about her. But I am so desolate, I can't describe it. Even my mother used to dread the day she died for me alone as she knew I was so mad about her. I loved every single thing about her, from her little ways and meows to her quirky antics, right up to the end.

My husband is allergic to cat hair so I cant get my own kitten, which is what the vet has advised me to do and which I can completely understand as the grief is so intense, I think only another little furry thing around me will ease it.

I know I must sound so OTT, I just never expected the pain of the grief to be so terrible. I can only sleep by staying up so late that I am having to fall into bed. I can work and as long as I keep myself busy, Im ok. But when I go to my parents and am there for a while, I cant stop crying.

I had a pain in my chest all week and went to the doctor as my husband was terrified I was going to have a heart attack. The doctor was great but said only time will help, which I know.

I dont understand how I could grieve for my brother, my dog and be ok but losing my little pal feels like the worst thing in the world. I think now I was way too attached to her but then again, she was like my shadow when I was there.

star-pants

It's very sad to lose someone, and you were close to your cat for such a long time, she became part of you and your life. It was a shock for her to go, and maybe you feel like part of you is gone with her. Grief is a horrible thing, and you'll go through the stages and *time is a healer blah blah* yes it's true but it can take longer than you want so it's hard to listen to. If you want there's a departed pets thread here if you want to talk about your cat or even read other peoples stories, it can help sometimes.

It's not easy to deal with loss, and we all do it in different ways, even if we've done it one way before. Would your mother consider getting a kitten? or maybe if you had time you could volunteer at a cattery?

Lorrs33

I know exactly how you feel. I had two cats and a dog, the cats were mother and son. The son passed away three years ago and I was in bits. I cried and cried, but that evening, everyone seemed to forget about it and so I felt like I couldn't be upset. The few friends I had at the time weren't supportive, telling me they'd hate to see me lose a person. My dad suggested getting a new cat, but we still have a cat and a dog, and my mam didn't want another one.

It'll get easier with time. If your husband is allergic to cat hair, would getting a dog be an option? I know it's not the same, but it might still fill the gap your cat left.

bronte

Aw, I'm so sorry op. I went through the same thing with my childhood pet cat a few years ago. It was a while before I got back to normal. Animals are incredible companions and of course we can get very close to them. I, like yourself was in tears everytime I thought of my cat and my heart was broken. It does pass,slowly. You need to look after yourself and try getting to sleep as much as you can.

What did help me was getting another kitten a few months later.
We adopted a little minx who's mum had abandoned her. She was a beautiful little thing and a bundle of fun once she got her strength up.
I don't live at home any more, but whenever I'm back she's there to play with and sit on my knee.
She's brought such happiness into not only my life but my family as well.
I realize you can't get another cat due to your husbands allergies but as star-pants said, maybe your folks could?
I hope you'll be okay and get through this horrible part.
You have my sympathy, believe me.

Take care.

meisha

you poor thing xx its hard losing a pet i know the feeling i had to have a reiki heeling done when i lost my 15 year old jack russell 3 years ago,i have since started to work with pound dogs to come to terms with losing him and after seeing some of those young lives wasted for no reason i wouldnt greive as bad now if my current dog died because i know he had a good life,was loved and was happy,he was saved from death in the pound and his life was turned around,hes healthy,he has a warm bed,a full bowl, and will never have to stay on the street again..when u see them die for no reason other than bad luck with no one to care for them or give them comfort in their last few days it gives you a whole new outlook on life.Would you voulenteer at a local shelter to keep you busy and help other cats?

ladygrey

OP, you sound like such a lovely person, so sorry to hear about your cat passing away.

Apart from this substantial loss, I think you may also be channelling the other losses, that you mentioned, through this latest experience of grief. The thing about grieving is that it can bring up, or tie-up loose ends from other losses too. My father died not so long ago, and I re-experienced (or grieved further) for the loss of my mother, many, many moons ago.

:-)

Lorrs33

I don't know if this will help, but my mam posted my cat's death on Gone Too Soon, it's a website where you can post pictures of deceased loved ones. It's really nice, you should take a look.

dreadlocks

I agree with Ladygrey in the sense that previous losses could be compounding this one. Google coping with loss, there are some brillient websites out there

Lucyx

I'm so sorry for your loss OP and i know how socially unacceptable it can be to grieve for a pet. I have a lovely dog, her name is Missy and I know when the time comes for us to part ways that it will absolutely kill me and it will take an awful long time to get over it.

Grief takes as long as it takes and you have to be patient with yourself. I'm not one to turn to medication very quickly but grief can cause a chemical imbalance that may need an anti depressant to fix it so maybe talking to your doc may help and he may be able to give you something if you feel you're unable to cope as the weeks go by.

Take care and my thoughts are with you.

larrycat

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your pet. I lost my beloved cat Bellina last Friday, Sept. 4th and I have to say I am shocked by the deep sense of grief I am feeling. She had been really sick for about a week and to be honest I thought I was in some way prepared for her death. But her death has turned my world upside down. We rescued her about two years ago and in that time she became a firm member of our fur family. Like you I am have a realistic view on life and death but this has really overwhelmed me. I had taken a temporary pledge not to drink until Xmas but that went by the wayside this week. I know that this is not a healthy thing to do but I don't care as it gets me through. Maybe there is some truth in what ladygrey said about one loss bringing others to the fore. I know some people might think we are acting childish or stupid but these feelings are very real for me just as they are for you. There are sites like rainbowbridge.com which has a good forum for people like me and you to discuss the depth of our feelings. It also makes you realise that you are not alone in how you feel. I know that both of us will make it through this difficult period and even though it's another cliche we will be better, more understanding people for it. God Bless.