Worried about him

chinapples

I don't know where to start with this but I am really worried about my bf.
We do not seem to have a relationship anymore. he seems distant with me,both physically and mentally. He is not working at the moment and I have tried to help him but he has said he doesnt need my help.
I feel the relationship has run its course on his part but he wont tell me as we have a lease on a flat and he doesnt wana end things because of that..I would like him and myself to be happy but when I try and talk to him about it,he says he is sick of talking about it.
I want to support him but to be quite honest all he is doing is pushing me away. I am afraid he is going to push me away,so far, that I will end up resenting him and feeling completely unattracted to him.
He has so much going for him, but doesnt seem bothered. he is very cynical and I dont know what to do.
I never get to spend time with him anymore, he seems to go off with his friends whenever he gets the chance,when I come home from work I would like to do something but he just seems to be more interested in being out of the flat when Im there..
I am getting really tired of his selfish behaviour, but after 3years would think I had a bit more left in me to make this work? The only problem is that it takes two to make this work....what do I do? and just for the record, I love him to bits but I am not prepared to let him treat me like crap..

Ickle Magoo

Tell him how you feel. If he is sick of talking about it then ask him to clarify the situation one last time. Tell him you are not happy with the status quo & feel pushed away and go from there, if he won't discuss then you have two choice, hope it passes or move on without him.

I would bear in mind that being unemployed can have far reaching consequences, trigger depression and so on. Are you working? Who is paying the rent/bills? Could it be more to do with the change in financial dynamics than you & your actual relationship?

chinapples

I have told him he is pushing me away, and I don't think he understands..Is this what he wants?
The rent and bills thing he still pays rent and the bills, this has never changed but is it his pride that is causing this?
I know what unemployment can bring-I was there for7months but I never treated him any different,in actual fact I think to be truely honest, he was what kept me going...is it that he sees me as the breadwinner and it annoys him? Surely its a good thing that I am willing to share what I have even though I am in debt up to my eyes???
It is driving me crazy,I am not sleeping properly and honestly believe that if this going on any longer-him not opening up to me...there is no hope!
Is he blaming me for having a job(that I am unhappy in but need it to pay rent,bills and debt)....im so confused and hurt

star-pants

Only talking this out with him will get it solved. Tell him you guys need to talk about this and no more 'sick of talking about it' etc crap. You need to get your feelings on the situation out there and find out his. As you say is he hanging on just because ye are invested in a flat? He doesn't want to spend time with you and pushes you away?

How long can you continue not knowing? Tell him a talk is needed and that he can't walk out on it.

chinapples

star-pants wrote: »

Only talking this out with him will get it solved. Tell him you guys need to talk about this and no more 'sick of talking about it' etc crap. You need to get your feelings on the situation out there and find out his. As you say is he hanging on just because ye are invested in a flat? He doesn't want to spend time with you and pushes you away?

How long can you continue not knowing? Tell him a talk is needed and that he can't walk out on it.[/QU




I addressed it yesterday and he got annoyed. I feel like walking out on this as he is not willing to sit down and tell me what is going on in his head. He did tell me he wants us to be normal and have fun but his selfishness is unbearable now and i feel he is saying one thing and doing the other. double standards gets us nowhere...is it my eagerness to get him to open up thats getting to him or just me in general? I want him to be happy but if he cant make himself happy then what am i supposed to do?

Ickle Magoo

He is getting annoyed at you trying to discuss what about your relationship is making you unhappy?

You have to tell him you are unhappy with the status quo and ask him to timetable some quality time to discuss if he still wants to have a relationship & then leave it with him. One way or the other, you'll have your answer.

jmbkay

Would it be possible for you to take a break out of there for a couple of days? Then resume trying to talk.

star-pants

chinapples wrote: »

I addressed it yesterday and he got annoyed. I feel like walking out on this as he is not willing to sit down and tell me what is going on in his head. He did tell me he wants us to be normal and have fun but his selfishness is unbearable now and i feel he is saying one thing and doing the other. double standards gets us nowhere...is it my eagerness to get him to open up thats getting to him or just me in general? I want him to be happy but if he cant make himself happy then what am i supposed to do?

If he wants you guys to be normal and have fun he should try and talk things out with you. If he's going through a tough time (even if he doesn't want to talk about it) he should at least say 'look i'm having a rough time and I don't mean to act out' or something.
You can't continue like this, you're not sleeping/you're upset etc. As your partner he shouldn't want you to be this way if he can help it.

Try once more, tell him that if you guys can't come to some conclusion you'll have to consider your relationship, because he's not letting you in on what's going on. He doesn't have to tell you everything, but you want to know where you guys stand, and how to make it better.