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Suicide Is Painless

  • 30-08-2009 3:50am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hello,

    I am unable to believe in a god, an afterlife or anything like that. I try to make myself believe in god but I just can't. Life is hard at the moment, I have made it hard I guess.

    I fear death is around the corner for everyone I know and love. It's scary but if someone is delayed etc. and they have not told me, I start looking at the news to see if there has been a car accident on the road they were travelling on.

    I get inclings or feelings that something bad is going to happen. I might get a feeling that my mother or father have died or have had a heart attack or something and that causes me great great unrest.

    I lost my friend not so along to tragic circumstances and that didn't help but I have been having these feelings for a long time beforehand.

    I am also addicted to pornography which has made my life a living hell. I became addicted when I was 12/13 and just cannot stop. When I am stressed, I go on large "binges", maybe like 5 times for an hour each. It has made my sex life hell because it just doesn't match up to the hardcore pornography I watch. It has turned my academic life to hell aswell, I went from straight As to failure.

    I find it hard to talk about my feelings. This is probably the first time I have properly opened up.

    I just think that others would be better off if I were to kill myself now rather than slowly kill myself down the line. I am a failure and am destroying everyone around me but still I go around with a smile and I am always the one to make everyone laugh. Nobody knows whats going on behind my smiling eyes. Nobody knows that I may not be here tomorrow. Nobody knows that whenever I see a train or a lorry or a cliff etc. that I am looking at them and sizing them up.

    I am not depressed, I was once and know the difference. I just want to end my life before I do any more harm.


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