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Help-My crazy ex

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  • 29-08-2009 6:22pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi guys.

    Just thought I'd post my problem here to see if you can give me any new opinions.

    I am having a torrid time with one particular ex of mine. He just will not let me go, even though we have broken up more that 3 years.
    We started dating when he was 16 and me 22. I know I must have been mad, but at the start I was sure he was 18 and he only told me his true age when we were very much involved. Our relationship was bliss, he was basically besotted with me and I adored him. However as time went on the novelty of dating a teenager wore off for me and he didn't like the fact that I wanted to persue my interests of travelling and my career. We split up after about a year. Since then I have gone back a few times for "sex with ex" so to speak. We had an amazing sex life. Now for the past few years I have tried to move on and date other people, he however will not have this and jeoprodises every chance of me getting with another man. He will tell them lies about me to put them off or at least make me look bad in their eyes. He follows me socially and when he knows I am in a particular bar or club, even if he is not there he will have his mates follow me and fill him in on what I am up to and who I am talking to, I am then bombarded by texts and calls from him, begging me to meet him. He says he can't live without me and that if he can't have me he will make sure no other man will. He has become mates with some of my male friends so he can get info on me. If he see's me talking to a man in a bar he will stalk me all night and then find the guy the next day and warn him off me. I asked him why he does this and he says it's cause he loves me so much and can't live without me. I have cut all contact with him but this has had no effect. He even said once that if I would not get back with him that he would report me to the police for having sex with him when he was underage. I doubt he would ever do this as he is just a coward and said it just to scare me. He's now 22 and I'm 28, so this has been going on for too long.

    Sorry this is so long, but I am just at my wits end with this guy. I'm so depressed and upset. My friends have told me to get the police to have a word with him as this is stalking, but I don't want to get the cops involved, as this will just make him worse.

    Any new opinions? I'd appreciate any.

    Thanks!


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    #2
    eveie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 307 ✭✭eveie


    ok did he lie to you about his age?
    when you found out he was 16 you should have left him straight away, what you did was wrong, so you need to take responsibility for that. you were the adult and he was very much still a child.
    as for the situation your in now, it doe ssounds like he is stalking you, he is making you feel uncomfortable and not letting you get on with things. he is now an adult and should know better.
    i would warn him that if he keeps interefering with your life you will take matters further. make sure your not being soft with him and let him know excatly how you feel. if he even thinks theres a slight possibility that he mite get you back then he will keep pestering you.


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    #3
    star-pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    You guys dated when he was 16 for a year and you had sex and went back for 'sex with the ex' even though he was underage? It's not surprising he has an attachment with you, you were his first and possibly only. The fact you went back to him for sex meant (to him) that you had a bond, if he was still under 18 or even around that age, depending on his maturity and possible lack of experience with women he may have read it that you would always come back to him. So he's just making sure you do. Not excusing his behaviour but you have to understand the impact you may have had on an impressionable teenager.

    Have a word with him, tell him he needs to move on and leave you alone, and if he doesn't you'll take matters further. There's no other way to get him to back off but have a strict word with him informing him of the fact there's nothing between ye, there never will be and he needs to move on.


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    #4
    gogglebok
    Closed Accounts Posts: 696 ✭✭✭gogglebok


    Ceri wrote: »
    He says he can't live without me and that if he can't have me he will make sure no other man will.

    Your friends are right. You need to talk to the police. His behaviour is threatening, and he is making explicit threats to you and others. You are alarmed by this, and so would anyone be. You need to do something about it.

    I imagine some of your reluctance to involve the police is not because "it will make him worse", but because you are worried about your own behaviour. I have no idea what will happen there. I imagine the police will be more concerned about your safety and that of any future boyfriend than about the age gap. In any case, you cannot let it stop you from ending this potentially dangerous situation.

    (But you really should drop the idea that sex with teenagers is a "novelty" to be sought out.)

    Involving the police will not make it worse, in short. It's already plenty bad.


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    #5
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    star-pants wrote: »
    You guys dated when he was 16 for a year and you had sex and went back for 'sex with the ex' even though he was underage?

    He was not legally underage (see below) but OP you should have run a mile when you found out his actual age... he was 11 when you were 17 - ugh... If a guy had done this he would be lambasted on the boards.

    http://www.crisispregnancy.ie/pub/realparents.pdf


  • Options
    #6
    star-pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    SarahSassy wrote: »

    http://www.crisispregnancy.ie/pub/realparents.pdf

    Ah, thanks :) I didn't realise, but isn't there a thing if they're under 18 and you're over 21? either way what's happened has happened at this point.
    But OP you did influence his way of thinking, by going back especially.

    Talk with him and then step it up if he doesn't back off.


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