Atheists offer to care for Christians' pets after the Rapture

Galen

It's a question that all animal-loving Christian evangelicals must address: who will look after their pets on Earth when the Rapture comes and they are taken up to heaven?

Now a group of atheists in the US have come up with a tongue-in-cheek solution, offering to take in the cats and dogs of "saved" believers in return for a small fee.
All the atheists signed up by Eternal Earth-Bound Pets are self-confessed sinners and blasphemers, guaranteeing they will be left behind when the chosen are selected
The business idea is an irreverent attempt to cash in on the belief – widespread among US Christians – that the pious will be carried up to heaven by God in a sudden swoop, leaving unbelievers to endure the seven-year reign of the anti-Christ on Earth.
According to some polls, as many as 55 per cent of Americans believe in the notion of the Rapture.
"You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind?" the group's website asks.
"Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind."
For $110, the firm promises lifetime care for almost all domestic pets if their owners are transported to heaven within the next ten years.
The offer may sound far-fetched, and even a little provocative, but the group insists it is not joking.
It claims to have a network of pet-loving atheists spread across 20 states to ensure speedy, local animal care wherever the Rapture occurs, and has established a PayPal account to take subscriptions.
The founders also assure believers that their animals will enjoy an excellent quality of life: "All pets will live in loving homes, not in animal shelters or pet 'mills'."
And while the company promises that all its atheist carers are moral people with no criminal records, it stresses that they are not too saintly.
"Each of our representatives has stated to us in writing that they are atheists, do not believe in God / Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation," the website states.
But potential customers would be advised to read the terms and conditions before forking out their $110; if the subscriber loses their faith or is not Raputered in the next 10 years, they are not entitled to a refund.
The venture follows the launch last year of a new internet service designed to allow Christian subscribers to send emails to non-believing friends and relatives after the Rapture.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/religion/6106462/Atheists-offer-to-care-for-Christians-pets-after-the-Rapture.html

Galvasean

It's a trap.
We plan to at them.

Daftendirekt

Are they actually trying to get people to pay them for this, or is it just a bit of a joke?

MrStuffins

That's hilarious. Exploitation, but hilarious expoitation!

Galvasean

Daftendirekt wrote: »

Are they actually trying to get people to pay them for this, or is it just a bit of a joke?

Considering some people spend money on a magic green teacloth I wouldn't be surprised if it is a legitimate con job service.

ChocolateSauce

How....enterprising!

kiffer

The poor animals...
I'd sign up for the Irish wing of that...
...
What happens to babies born in this period after the Rapture but before the destruction of the Earth?

The Mad Hatter

Posted this in Religious Humor a couple of days ago - still not sure whether to take them at face value.

Overblood

Jakkass can I have your T.V. when you go?

kiffer

Overblood I like it... They could write like Rapture Wills...

Hmm... what about Christians Flying planes?... at any moment Zappo Rapture, then plane crash. I don't think I'd be willing to be a Pilot if I thought that might happen to me... The poor people on the plane.

Overblood

kiffer wrote: »

They could write like Rapture Wills...

Lolz

dvpower

Whose going to take over as mod on the christianity forum?








Oh.

kiffer

dvpower wrote: »

Whose going to take over as mod on the christianity forum?

Oh.

Hey... they might not all make the cut...

Sam Vimes

kiffer wrote: »

Overblood I like it... They could write like Rapture Wills...

Hmm... what about Christians Flying planes?... at any moment Zappo Rapture, then plane crash. I don't think I'd be willing to be a Pilot if I thought that might happen to me... The poor people on the plane.

Don't be so thick. Anyone who doesn't get zapped from the plane deserves to die anyway :rolleyes:

Zillah

This is great. I wonder if they've made any money yet?

philologos

Overblood wrote: »

Jakkass can I have your T.V. when you go?

I'm sure we can come to some arrangement Overblood :pac:

To the OP: I read this article on the Telegraph website and chucked it up on my facebook after to see what people thought, and I found it humorous. It's such a shame that I don't have any pets at the minute isn't it?

The Mad Hatter

Zillah wrote: »

This is great. I wonder if they've made any money yet?

Wanna set up an Irish chapter?

Kipperhell

I have always wanted to abducted a big pile of fundamental Christians and claim the rapture is upon us. Then watch all the people who are convinced they will be taken go crazy in the realisation they weren't worthy.









* Please note I do not actually have any plans due to the recent credit crunch

dvpower

Kipperhell wrote: »

* Please note I do not actually have any plans due to the recent credit crunch

Were the banks funding this kind of enterprise before the credit crunch? No wonder we're all fcuked!

ShooterSF

This is hilarious and I bet if they lowered the price they actually could make a few quid!

Zillah

The Mad Hatter wrote: »

Wanna set up an Irish chapter?

I would totally be on board with that but I don't think we have a very large group of people crazy enough to actually do it.

pts

Zillah wrote: »

I would totally be on board with that but I don't think we have a very large group of people crazy enough to actually do it.

Maybe if we started putting posters on tree stumps.....

Turtwig

pts wrote: »

Maybe if we started putting posters on tree stumps.....

It's cheaper and easier to just cut a piece of bread..

The Mad Hatter

Zillah wrote: »

I would totally be on board with that but I don't think we have a very large group of people crazy enough to actually do it.

Just wait til that new megachurch gets going.

Thoie

Zillah wrote: »

I would totally be on board with that but I don't think we have a very large group of people crazy enough to actually do it.

I like animals (not rodents or reptiles though), and will happily sign up to look after a few dogs when their owners are taken. However my current residence is not suitable for animals, so I think we should offer to look after pets "in their own homes". Seeing as how I'll be inheriting the house (if not the earth, obviously), I'll happily offer a 50% discount if a house comes with the pet(s).

fisgon

This is classic, an example of pretty much the only weapon that is always useful against the religious, laughing at them. You can just see the bunch of atheists in the States breaking their holes while setting up this little venture. A lesson to us all. (And the potential of making a few bucks in the process.)

MrPudding

I like the original post rapture enterprise:

http://postrapturepost.com/

MrP

kiffer

wait... They're charging for this.
I think I'd do it for free... Poor kittens and puppies trapped in houses with no food or water, pining for their missing owners... My heart aches at the idea.

Poor things

All alone...

The only consolation is that they wouldn't know what would be coming...
How heartless would you have to be to believe this was coming and not make some sort of arrangements for them...


Poor kittens...

Dades

Does anyone really think an informed Christian would be stupid enough to entrust an atheist with their pets after the rapture? :pac:

kiffer

Dades wrote: »

Does anyone really think an informed Christian would be stupid enough to entrust an atheist with their pets after the rapture? :pac:

Baby sandwich maybe... Kitten sandwich never!