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Too self conscious for sex

  • 29-08-2009 12:13am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    im a 28 year old guy, in good physical shape and have had plenty of girlfriends in the past. i've gotten slight handjobs from girls, one slight blowjob (neither lasted more than a minute)fingered a lot of girls, sucked boobs, licked etc, done a lot of things but not sex. that's as far as i've gone. never ejaculated with a girl present. I did have drunken sex one time for about 1 minute but that doesnt count because i didn't really do anything.

    in my life i have been in situations with 8 different girls where i am lying in bed next to a girl and we're kissing and so on and she wants to go to the next level, but i just can't go to the next level. I always make an excuse "I'm not in the mood" "I'm not feeling too good" etc. the girl has always been disappointed and i usually never saw her again. Basically at this point, my penis is usually flaccid (because i am nervous i think) and i just get nervous and back out. I'm worried about my penis not being hard at that moment and i guess that pervades into me and i just get nervous and stressed. I had a girlfriend for 6 months but we never had sex once. Every time i made an excuse and she eventually got rid of me.

    at first i was scared to have sex because my foreskin was too tight and i knew it would hurt. i went and got surgery to correct that and now my penis is ok, but that was a problem until i was 23 and i think that is where i picked up this nervousness around sex. i also have a mild version of gynecomastia (male boobs) which i am very conscious about (it is noticable). Of course, i would just leave my shirt on when having sex.i don't have the money to get that corrected yet.

    I really need to get over this fear of actually going the whole way. i have been looking into going to a prostitute (i would use a condom of course). I think in that situation i would feel comfortable telling the prostitute this is my first time and i am nervous and want to know how its done and i actually think this would be really helpful for me. I think having sex once would spur me on and make me realize what i am missing and make me want to go the extra mile in future. i am pretty committed to doing this as i cannot think of any other way.

    I'm also worried when i have girls in bed because of my total inexperience. i know they have had sex before and i am obviously not going to be the best performer when doing it for my first time. i masturbate regularly and have no problems when doing that, but in the company of a girl, i just can't do it. i

    so in summary, i think a prostitute would really help me. i have no problems getting women, it's just the act of sex that i have a problem with. and my thinking is that a few sessions with a prostitute will give me the skills and confidence i need to have a solid healthy sex life. i would have the experience behind me and would really want to have sex again because it would have been so good with the prostitute. Actually having sex for the first time would spur me on. I could build up confidence in myself and my sexual ability. I wouldn't feel bad going to a prostitute to do this, i know i am a good guy and sex is important to me but i have no disney impressions of my "first time" being with someone i love. i just want to have sex once and for all and get good at it so i am confident enough to do it with a girl. i know if i get into another situation with a girl in bed, i'll get nervous and back out again.

    anyway, thats my predicament... im open to all comments!! sometimes i get so frustrated because i have had lots of chances to have sex (about 50 different girls if i really tried, no lie), but always backed out. i need to start having sex because its destroying my life at the moment and making me feel very bad about myself


Comments

  • #2
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    First things first amigo,you are never too old to learn.I would hold off on visiting a prozzie anyway.

    You have no problem meeting girls,so thats not the issue.I think you need to get to know the girls first before anything sexual happens,ie go on dates,spend some time together,discover eachother at a pace that you are comfortable with.

    You have said that anytime the opportunity arose to have sex you made excuses - not in the mood etc - and as a result you never saw the girl again.Id bet my bottom dollar this is because they felt rejected and thought you didnt fancy them.They didnt know you were inexperienced and nervous so that is the automatic assumption they would make.

    This comes back to getting to know the woman.When you are comfortable with whomever,you will be able to tell them you are nervous and not that experienced.I garauntee that the over whelming majority of women wouldnt bat an eyelid at this.The best sex is when both people are at ease with eachother so dont be in any rush to jump into bed with someone just because you feel you have to.

    Trust plays a huge part in sex,if you trust your partner,your confidence will grow and you will be able to talk openly and candidly about what you like and dont like or about things you arent comfortable with,and vice versa.

    All the best.


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