Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Should I put my feelings aside?

  • 28-08-2009 11:03am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Any help or advice anyone could give me would be greatly appreciated...

    ..Ok I have been with my OH for 8 years and we are currently expecting our first child. When the child is born she is going to move to Dublin and live with me but she is getting worried about being away from her family and them not being able to see the child much.

    Thing is I don't get along with certain members of her family (Mother and one of her brothers). And if I was being honest I don't want the child to have anything to do with them but I also see how much my own parents miss not having their own grandson around and would not do that to anyone. But my relationship with my OH's mother has reached to point where I can't stand her. I think it all started when I seen how badly she treated my OH then got steadily worse when she did stuff like borrow money and not pay it back. The final straw was back over Christmas when we were visiting and just as we were about to leave my OH got stuck minding her little brothers while her mother went out. Which resulted in a big argument and me storming off.

    Since then I have had little or nothing to do with them, when it comes to collecting my OH I sit outside waiting for her and phone her, same when it comes to dropping her off. She told me she understood my decision and she accepts it but that she did talk to her mother and if I changed my mind nothing like that would ever happen again.

    I didn't change my mind and she seemed to be ok with that however since she found out she was pregnant she has been pushing more and more for me to change my mind...." for the baby's sake", and saying she will only ask once and if anything happens she will never ask again. I do see her point, it aint gonna be fair on him and he will pick up on it but I don't really want to go in and fake a smile and put myself in a position for something else to happen. The only reason I have for considering it is to hope something happens and be proven right.

    So I guess my question is should I swallow my pride and put my feelings aside for the sake of my child?


Comments

  • #2
    hepcat
    Closed Accounts Posts: 288 ✭✭hepcat


    HI OP. You don't have to put your feelings aside, but you can decide to give your OH's Mother another chance. That doesn't mean you have to put up with any rubbish from her - and it seems she's promised to behave. So be the bigger person, you have nothing to lose. Remember, no matter how bad she seems to you, she is your OH's Mother and you need to support your OH at this time and understand that she comes with all her baggage including her family relationships. Don't make this cause a rift, it won't help matters. And your OH is moving to Dublin to be with you, so your doing this would give her extra reassurance. Give the mother another chance, I'd say.


  • #3
    davmol
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 883 ✭✭✭davmol


    Give the mother another chance and if you do you'll look great in your wifes eyes and if the mother fux up again you'll have a big fat 'I TOLD YOU SO' in the bank.besides i know a couple of mates with a ALOT more pressing problems with their OH's mother /family than that.Your problem almost seems pale in comparison.
    Forgive the mother but take NO sh1t in future


  • #4
    OS119
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,518 ✭✭✭OS119


    OP, contrary position here.

    while i might be tempted to give the old woman a chance for the 'i told you so' in the bank, i would't worry about not doing so.

    this '2nd chance' stuff doesn't wash with me, '2nd chance' was after the first time she was a dreadful old hag, not after the 5th or 6th when you finally told her to fcuk off.

    i shouldn't worry too much about the effect on the baby either - we live a mighty 12 miles from my wife's family, and my daughter - now 6 - hasn't seen any of them since she was 3, and isn't going to, isn't really aware of their existence and certainly doesn't seem to be suffering for it. grandparents - or anyone else for that matter - have no 'rights' over the child except those which the parents give them, if you don't want your child to be involved with them you should make that clear to your OH, and she should respect that, if she chooses to visit them that's up to her, but she should respect your veto, as you would respect hers over schools, or babysitters or anything else she's not happy with.

    you are the childs father, not some bloke off the street who provides cash, helpful suggestions and babysitting services. if you say 'no way' it means 'no way', not 'you're in charge, but would you mind if i sat outside?'


Advertisement