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Is this considered as potential cheating??

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  • 27-08-2009 12:11am
    #1
    precise
    Registered Users Posts: 10 ✭


    hi guys,

    Im in a relashionship 8 years now and engaged for 3 months, but recently got talking to this bloke i never met before and he was really friendly, paid attention to me etc, and kind of hinted that he was interested in me,
    ever since i cant get him out of my head, why is this??
    Im happy as happy can be in an 8 year relashionship, I cant think of being as relaxed and open in a relashionship with anyone else, so im very confused as to why im so interested in this stranger??
    I have never once cheated on my partner. ever. although he has done it on me twice, would just like to know why im feeling this way now??
    has anyone ever felt this way before?

    Thanks


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    #2
    Pete4779
    Closed Accounts Posts: 622 ✭✭✭Pete4779


    There is no such thing as potential cheating.

    Basically, there is such a thing as being continually interested in your current partner or else finding that you are less and less attracted (or more and more!) over time.

    cheating doesn't feature in any relationship IMHO unless you want it to. Loads of people cheat and it doesn't impact on their main relationship or marriage, for others it does.

    Don't feel guilty, but you might need to think about making a choice. Being relaxed and open sometimes comes second best to attraction and new sexual interest.


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    #3
    VaioCruiser
    Closed Accounts Posts: 750 ✭✭✭VaioCruiser


    precise wrote: »
    hi guys,

    Im in a relashionship 8 years now and engaged for 3 months, but recently got talking to this bloke i never met before and he was really friendly, paid attention to me etc, and kind of hinted that he was interested in me,
    ever since i cant get him out of my head, why is this??
    Im happy as happy can be in an 8 year relashionship, I cant think of being as relaxed and open in a relashionship with anyone else, so im very confused as to why im so interested in this stranger??
    I have never once cheated on my partner. ever. although he has done it on me twice, would just like to know why im feeling this way now??
    has anyone ever felt this way before?

    Thanks

    Hi OP. You are most definitely NOT cheating in any shape or form.

    What you are is NORMAL !!!

    Where does the idea come from that when we are in a relationship ... we don't think about other people ??? Because this is the biggest and most destructive LIE.

    Everyone who is human thinks about other people from time to time...

    Being in a relationship is not about who we think about - but who we commit to spending our life with, at this time or forever. It is not about some nazi idea that we shut ourselves off from human feelings and attractions.

    I am sure you are perfectly happy and there is no reason to worry that you are not.

    All the best


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    #4
    precise
    Registered Users Posts: 10 ✭precise


    Thanks for the reply,

    Maybe i should just wait and see how i feel over the next few weeks, i'v been getting like this alot recently, and just get fixated on someone i feel like im going crazy!!
    we went on a break bout 1 year ago and had a few dates etc, but nothing serious, im kinda missing being single and going out clubbing etc. Im in my mid 20's so its like im longing for my youth back:(


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    #5
    OS119
    Registered Users Posts: 2,518 ✭✭✭OS119


    precise wrote: »
    we went on a break bout 1 year ago and had a few dates etc, but nothing serious, im kinda missing being single and going out clubbing etc. Im in my mid 20's so its like im longing for my youth back:(

    THAT'S a big fat warning sign: you're in your mid-twenties but going out together eight years. i imagine the break where you went out, met blokes, got chatted up - even the bits where you got dumped - that was exciting, yes?

    it looks like you hanker after the single/dating life, its a stage we go through, and if you didn't do it at 18/19/20/21 because you were steady with this bloke, then its rearing its ugly head now - though conveniently just before you get to the mortgage/babies stage. three options in my view: a) ignore it and hope it goes away, b) break-up, do the dating/shagging thing, and see where you go from there, and c) cheat on him, shag blokes left, right and centre, and hope that (i) he doesn't find out, and (ii) the guilt doesn't screw you up something special.

    realisticly only two of those are options you want to explore.


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    #6
    VaioCruiser
    Closed Accounts Posts: 750 ✭✭✭VaioCruiser


    precise wrote: »
    we went on a break bout 1 year ago and had a few dates etc, but nothing serious, im kinda missing being single and going out clubbing etc. Im in my mid 20's so its like im longing for my youth back:(

    Now that is a lot different from your first post OP..... :confused:

    Time to reassess your relationship and consider a major change...



    All the best.


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    #7
    Lady Muck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 58 ✭✭Lady Muck


    Fancying other people isn't the problem, it is the fact you have spent most of your youth with the same person. We all have to go through that try before you buy stage before we settle. It is all part of growing up but you need to be sure you are listening to your heart and not your head.


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    #8
    Kimono-Girl
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,161 ✭✭✭Kimono-Girl


    precise wrote: »
    im kinda missing being single and going out clubbing etc. Im in my mid 20's so its like im longing for my youth back:(


    can you not go out clubbing anyway? maybe organize a girl night out you don't need to be single to do that! you can enjoy your youth without hooking up with guys...


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    #9
    precise
    Registered Users Posts: 10 ✭precise


    Lady Muck wrote: »
    We all have to go through that try before you buy stage before we settle. It is all part of growing up but you need to be sure you are listening to your heart and not your head.

    you are right lady muck, i hav been told to go with my heart before its just so hard especially, when i have a child with him, arrrrghh, dont get me wrong i love him to bits its just lately we've always been kind of like best friends rather than boyfriend and girlfriend but i think thats normal after an 8 yr relashionship??

    i dont go out much so i think that could be part of the problem, i prefer clubs etc and he likes pubs, pubs make me feel older for some reason.
    going out this weekend actually, wit the girls for a change so maybe i just need some more of that, and of course try and be good:o


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    #10
    VaioCruiser
    Closed Accounts Posts: 750 ✭✭✭VaioCruiser


    It's often difficult to figure out when a relationship is fizzling out and when it is just in a temporary rut.
    Long term relationships go through cycles and if we want to break the cycle we have to recognise the fact and be proactive like has been suggested above. Getting out more, getting a hobby, having a weekend in a nice hotel to break the habit of sex in the same old bed... all those kinds of things. They can really make a big difference.

    I am a big believer in maintaining our own friends circle, our own little areas of independence. It puts less strain on each other to entertain each other 100% of the time and then when we come together it is more special.


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    #11
    precise
    Registered Users Posts: 10 ✭precise


    Thanks a bunch for all the replies,
    I now have a broader thought to everything, i do need to start going out more even when i dont feel up to it.
    Sure these feeling i have could be my own fault for not getting out enough!!
    i feel like im having a mid life crisis, dont really want to hurt anyones feelings and end up single and loving it for like 6 months or so and then end up crawling back, which could possibly happen!!
    Dont know if taking a break would be good. im only engaged a few months and getting cold feet, well see what the weekend brings:@)


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    #12
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    precise wrote: »
    i love him to bits its just lately we've always been kind of like best friends rather than boyfriend and girlfriend but i think thats normal after an 8 yr relashionship??

    You love him to bits.... Like best friends... You didn't mention once that he's horrible or treats you badly.... You have a kid together! and are engaged!

    Believe me most single girls would kill to be in your situation..

    Sounds like you have a perfect relationship there. Why mess it up because of some modern conception that everyone has to be single for a while.. They dont!


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    #13
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    you've been validated as a sexual being. It's natural that it'd give you a buzz. If I walked into your job and and said you were brilliant at your job, you'd get a buzz out of that as well. It's perfectly natural, don't second guess yourself.


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    #14
    nesbitt
    Registered Users Posts: 486 ✭✭nesbitt


    VaioCruiser wrote: »
    I am a big believer in maintaining our own friends circle, our own little areas of independence. It puts less strain on each other to entertain each other 100% of the time and then when we come together it is more special.

    +1

    If your other half will support you in having your own time and space with your friends that is IMHO key to continued happiness. However please be aware that not all other halfs are able to do this for you... Could be OP that you have not been 'allowed' to go out and enjoy yourself in this way as well as being part of a relationship. This could be part of the reason that you are now displaying itchy feet...


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