gettin closer to girls?

LegacyUser

hi
im a 24 y old lad, and have always been quite shy
the thing is , i ve been asking myself this question and i dont know how to answer it..
hopefully some ppl with some experience can clear this up for me

i get the impression girls find an unexperienced guy at this age a turn off , which i can somehow understand ,as they like the guy to be confident and all the rest..
however im also wondering how to people start it off in the first place? nobody was born with the know how to knowledge so how can u actually get this knowledge is girls just arent interested?
i feel like im gettin at a really embarassing point, goin to 25 and still havent a clue on what to do

bare in mind i dont go on sayin that i have no experience, but i feel they can figure guys out quite easily so they can guess that

sorry if its a bit confusing, hope u understood my issue here

miec

Hi Op

Do you ever chat to girls just to get to know them as people? I would start there and also be yourself, if you like the girl tell her, there is no need to tell her you have no experience, let it develop of its own accord. If the chatting is going well and you find her attractive then suggest a date or something, see how that goes, if she is chatty, flirting (ie: laughs at your jokes, eye contact and giving you little touches) then that is an excellent sign. Give her a kiss at the end of the night but make it a little smoochy (not too much) and see how she responds, if you date her a few times and just give her a peck, she will think you are not interested, so it is a balance of being respectful and assertive, it is difficult but if you keep checking her responses and read her body language that will give you some indication. As for sex etc, I personally don't think one night stands work, it is too much too soon, but you don't need to hang back too much either, but try to be as natural and yourself as you can. I also believe that if two people choose to be intimate sexually then they should be able to talk about it openly, so be open in every way, it makes the sex and relationship so much better.

I have had shy boyfriends in the past with little or no experience and my current partner is the same, and they have made the best boyfriends ever (and lovers) so don't be afraid, just try to go for a nice, kind and warm woman and you should be fine.

VaioCruiser

Hi OP. I am sorry you are suffering such anxiety.

I am twice your age and have a lot of experience - so I am just going to say this once.


Girls don't care about experience. Girls don't care about size. Girls don't care about any of this stuff.
Girls care about you being caring, affectionate, understanding, listening, respectful and speaking your mind.

Stop worrying.


All the best.

LegacyUser

Hi OP i'm a 24 year old female in the exact same position - I'm freaking out because i've never had a boyfriend and have zero experience so i know how you feel. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest however if i did happen to have experience and the guy i was with didn't. Why does everything have to be about sex? It really gets up my goat sometimes - why can't you just get to know the person first besides worrying about that. If you're after a one night stand fine but other than that you shouldn't have to worry about that - if the girl is worth anything she will be understanding in a situation like this no matter how llittle experience you have.

stiff kitten

(I reckon the op and the previous post should meet up! he he!)
Experience will come with experience. That doesn't really help but its true. Theres plenty of girls that aren't over experienced either. When you meet someone you really feel comfortable with and you can talk about this with a girl, it won't be an issue for you. Take care :pac:

dblennon

I'm sorry to say that in general you are just gonna have to get out there and tlak to girls AND LEARN from what happens Good bad or indifferent It can take between 3 months to 6 months, to get to where you want to go but thats not really that long!!

I made myself talk to 7 women every night i went out, you got to make yourself do this, also the first is the hardest every night they get so much easier after that..

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies
i do talk to them as people, when i talk to them that is!
i think my problem is that if they are strangers im totally shy, and dont think i have much to say really, and the fact that i should be doin 90% of the talking at the start is the actual killer..
those that i do talk to, its in a friendly way and i just cant show that im interested in them because i dont know how will they react.. i wouldnt like to find a girl in the work environment really, she has to be from somewhere else
i try to look for signals but im either not gettin any or im totally blind..
i feel that all this makes me a totally immature 24y old, id love to change but its really really hard..
i think its as dblennon said, i just have to force myself but i have a feeling that its goin to be a disaster when things dont come natural

LegacyUser

You're only shy because you see yourself as being shy . The main problem women have with shy quiet guys is that they usually dont take the lead even when the girl gives a clear signal (like putting her hand on your knee ) for intimacy .Women do not like this at all its a no go.

The best thing you could do is go into town on a saturday and talk to as many girls working in shops as you can just asking them questions .It's safe and risk free and a great way to break yourself in.

Speedating is a good laugh.

LegacyUser

In my experience OP, it doesn't matter how experienced the guy is, he can still do nothing for you. It's all about what each person likes and that will differ from girl to girl. If you're with a girl there's no harm in asking what she likes. Even an experienced girl can do nothing for you, it all depends on what you like, and she's not going to be able to read your mind so you're better off communicating a bit. It's all the fun of a new partner and you'll both enjoy it all the more for that. As far as I am concerned you shouldn't be worrying too much.

LegacyUser

i understand the taking the lead concept.. but it feels that its a terrible vicious circle..
i dont do it cos i never did it and im too conscious about it..but im not gettin better by not doing anything! nearly every guy at this stage went trough it, so obviously as age goes up women expect all guys to be like that,and i still have the issues of a teenager..
thx for ur anwers anyway, i know i shouldnt be worryin too much but at this stage is inevitable!

linryan

Hey OP

I'm 24 female and I can tell you now, majority of women do not care about experience. If she is a genuine person and she likes you it wont make a bit of difference. In regard to you just being out and talking to girls you shouldnt have to do 90% of the conversation! It should be a naturally flowing conversation and if it isnt then wrap it up. You will meet someone who you feel comfortable with and it will come naturally to you. Also we're suckers for sweet guys so if you just say you're nervous it will be endearing! Try not to worry, the more you stress the worst it will be. Just take it as it comes.