First poem!

Buddingpoet

Hello everybody!! this is my first poem hope you all like it!:)

My Hairy Place

It is dark and quiet in my hairy place
It isn’t my back and it isn’t my face
But somewhere that’s hidden and well off the tracks
Under my boxers snug under my kack’s

Sometimes I scratch it I tug and I poke
Sometimes I smell it I puke and I choke
Sometimes I hear it as I squeeze and I pee
Sometimes I shave it I use my mach three

The speed of the growth is a sight to behold
Visions of cling-ons , gumboils and mould
When I finish my dinner I will embark on a stroll
To ponder and wonder how it’s such a hairy hole

Insect Overlord

You're taking the piss, right?

pickarooney

It's not bad. The last couple of lines don't scan all that well though; you could snip a couple of syllables to make it tighter.

geuro

pickarooney wrote: »

It's not bad. The last couple of lines don't scan all that well though; you could snip a couple of syllables to make it tighter.

You're taking the piss?

pickarooney

geuro wrote: »

You're taking the piss?

Why do you say that? Does it not pass your test of literary worth?

Insect Overlord

pickarooney wrote: »

Why do you say that? Does it not pass your test of literary worth?

It doesn't pass mine...

pickarooney

An File wrote: »

It doesn't pass mine...

You can do better?

El Guapo!

There once was a man from Nantucket...............:D

Insect Overlord

pickarooney wrote: »

You can do better?

Easily.

corglass

I once knew a guy called bill. He wasn't the smartest using the till. When buying a coat, i told him, i'd given the note, and the thing i got was for free.

PurpleBee

An File wrote: »

Easily.

the question isn't whether or not you can write better poetry. The question is whether or not you can write a better and funnier poem about your hairy hole, if you happen to have one.

Insect Overlord

PurpleBee wrote: »

the question isn't whether or not you can write better poetry. The question is whether or not you can write a better and funnier poem about your hairy hole, if you happen to have one.

What's the point? Doing so would not make me feel any better. The subject matter is too crude for my own tastes.

Sarky

How is that constructive in any fashion, An file? I'd have thought you knew the rules by now. Quit the elitism.

pickarooney

An File wrote: »

What's the point? Doing so would not make me feel any better. The subject matter is too crude for my own tastes.

Don't be so precious, it doesn't behoove you to disregard someone else's work because you've no interest in the subject matter.

Insect Overlord

pickarooney wrote: »

Don't be so precious, it doesn't behoove you to disregard someone else's work because you've no interest in the subject matter.

Sarky wrote: »

How is that constructive in any fashion, An file? I'd have thought you knew the rules by now. Quit the elitism.

I've learned my lesson, so I'm leaving this thread. Sorry for any offence that may have been caused.

OneArt

It's an ode to the poet's genitals and I think it's written very well. It has good beat, is easy and enjoyable to read and paints a (somewhat unpleasant but vivid) picture. The title certainly caught my attention.

Not all poetry has to be about flowery sunshine unicorn asshats.

degrassinoel

brought a smile to my face

PurpleBee

I can think of no nobler poetic aspiration than to make someone smile.