Erection problems....

LegacyUser

Ok so here is my thread on this....
Sorry this is pretty long....
I've checked out the others and the answers there havn't helped me so i'm gonna give my story and hopefully i can get some advice..

Ok first off i know whats causing it.... It's purely psychological. It's a nervous thing for me - the fear of failing... and i know thats normal but the thing is i'm 25 now and it's about time i sorted it..

Here's the story... See i've always had girlfriends... I remember having sex with my first girlfriend just wouldnt work for me... foreplay was good and then when i'd put a condom on bang, erection gone. So the best thing i thought to do was to talk to her about this and find an alternative which we did. She went on the pill. Then we had 4 years of fantastic sex where i got to the point of thinking "hey i'm good at this" I was comfortable, everyhting was good.. Then we broke up and i left to travel.. I was with one girl for 3 nights and on the first night was even thinking "what if it doesnt work" as i was so drunk it did (kinda - lost erection towards the end) but not like with my ex..

Then i met another girl and having sex with her was fine when i was really really drunk as there was no nerves. Then she even asked me why dont we ever sleep together when we're sober... so again i told her everything... i was nervous only this time she was already on the pill so what to do? But actaully just talking to her about it did the trick... We ended up going out together for 8 months...

So here's my problem... I met another girl a couple of weeks ago (6 months later) and had had a few drinks but obviously not enough and am feeling very nervous and just lose the erection... thing is this is my first real one night stand. I don;t fancy going out with this girl.. I cant talk to her about so i just ly there not saying anything like an eejit...
Now i'm afraid to take any girl home...
I mean it's fine if i find a girl i can trust and talk to about it but i wanna have a sex life like everyone else... every girl i meet can;t be a future girlfriend...

So i've done alot of research on this already and the usual responses are:
1. relax it will work out ( afraid it wont as i'm **** scared)
2. Talk to her (thats the whole thing i wanna be able to perform without talking to her its not my girlfriend)
3. Talk to a doctor ( i dont have one i'm traveling and wouldnt trust a random doctor or have the balls to talk to him for that matter)

Basically i feel the only choice to boost my confidence is some sort of viagra or herbals or whatever... and people do say "but you may become dependent on them" - but to be honest i'd rather be dependent on them than not have sex at all....

Any advice on medicine online? is that a bad option? i dont know what to do.....
This is so frustrating as i have had almost 5 years of good sex with girlfriends but cant seem to go 5 minutes with a new girl...
help!!!

Dinxminx

ilostit wrote: »

i wanna have a sex life like everyone else... every girl i meet can't be a future girlfriend...

I would just like to point out that 'everybody else' do not have one night stands. It's a common practice, but it's not everybody.

LegacyUser

OP I think the more you think about it the more you will fall deeper into this trap. I had problems like this with previous girls...really nervous and soon as condom goes on bang erection gone....foreplay with them would have me rock hard again put on another condom ....gone. Same problems with my wife until we decided to try for a baby...baby hasn't happened yet but never go soft anymore....and not worried about condom bursting so hit the back of the net everytime.....just relax go with the flow and enjoy...take your time....

miec

Hi Op

It sounds to me that part of you is deeply uncomfortable with condoms and one night stands. Would you consider having random sessions that does not involve penetration? For instance giving and receiving hand or oral, and just leave it at that. Its possible you need to be able to build up trust and a bond to be able to relax and no one night stand can provide that, basically it is meaningless sex, and whilst some people can do it with no qualms, some of us can't or if we try it ends in failure and embarressment. You might have to accept the way you are.

LegacyUser

miec wrote: »

Hi Op

It sounds to me that part of you is deeply uncomfortable with condoms and one night stands. Would you consider having random sessions that does not involve penetration? For instance giving and receiving hand or oral, and just leave it at that. Its possible you need to be able to build up trust and a bond to be able to relax and no one night stand can provide that, basically it is meaningless sex, and whilst some people can do it with no qualms, some of us can't or if we try it ends in failure and embarressment. You might have to accept the way you are.

Yes they do both make me very uncomfortable.... yes i would consider sessions like you mentioned but would only assume the girl would be looking for more. I think youve hit the nail on the head though... its not that i crave a one night stand it's just i wanted to feel a bit more normal.. maybe i should just accept it.. but what now? wait for miss right to come along before i have sex again.... ? is some sort of medicine out of the question?

miec

Personally what I'd do if I was in your situation is tell the girl that you want to fool around but not full sex, if the woman has a problem with that let her on, of course I'd suggest you pleasure her as well, just set up the boundaries before getting your kit off, it will fulfill some of your physical needs, you could suggest a massage or rub down for both of you and then fooling around, I can't speak on behalf of other women but I know I'd like that. I personally believe if a person is going to get physically intimate (in whatever fashion) whether a one night stand or more, then you should be able to say what you want and don't want and if the other person is an arse about it, then leave it so.

If you do decide to go down the viagra or medicine root remember to bear in mind you are going against what your body and in a sense it might make you feel worse off emotionally, I know it is frustrating not to have sex for a long time (two years in my case at one point, and yes it was horrible but I knew emotionally I wasn't able for sex at that point. I had to live with it .

VaioCruiser

ilostit wrote: »

I mean it's fine if i find a girl i can trust and talk to about it but i wanna have a sex life like everyone else... every girl i meet can;t be a future girlfriend...

OP. This is one of the daftest statements I have read on this forum.

It seems to me that you are obsessed with sex. You are obsessed with how you perform. You have too much sex with the wrong people and if you want to be happier than you are now then you should step back and stop it !!

Everyone else is NOT doing what you are doing. And they are HAPPIER not doing what you are doing.


All the best.