Dunno what I should do!

LegacyUser

I'll try to be brief, I was seeing a girl a few months ago for about 2 months, nothing really serious, sort of casual but we did get very close, emotionally more so then physically, (She was just out of a long term relationship and I didn't want to push anything until she was ready),
As it turned out she was not over the ex and called a halt saying we should just be friends, this was difficult for me, i was maaaad about her but so be it!
The friends thing didn't really work out, not because of the usual reasons i.e. me not accepting it, more of her distancing herself from me....had me confused but ok
Thing is it came to a head 2 weeks ago we met for a drink and I told her i was mad about her, wanted to be with her etc. Got the same line of not being over her last relationship, and not knowing how she felt....
Later that week i felt kind of embarresed or whatever looking back (im not one who tells people that they like them when im not with them as such), Anyway i texted her just saying that I hoped she knew I was never trying to push her into anything and that I just wanted to have a laugh with her and see how things developed, also said that i thought she was really sweet and caring (something that had come up that night to do with a family member of hers had shown that side of her) and that I just wanted to give her a hug the other night (when the family stuff was going down) and it sucked that i couldn't, left it at that...no reply, didn't really expect one, was kind of drawing a line under the whole thing at that point...

Thing is at the weekend i get a very short text like hey, how was your wkd, didn't know should i reply but i did....just like fine, you?
Then i get a kinda weird reply, she was obviously upset biut something,
So against my better judgement i rang hjust to make sure she was ok....she was just something small that was upetting her a wee bit...
Thing is she starts saying we should meet up tomorrow, if you've time (i didn't) ok so we'll meet up some evening for a chat...Yeah cool so i agreed told her to buzz me tonight if she wants to do something,

The thing is i am unsure wether i should, i mean im crazy bout this girl think she is amazing, and it hurt like hell the last time i allowed myself to get close to her, im getting better now so don't wanna meet and then head down the same road again,
at the same time if the text i sent about having a laugh and seeing what happened hit home for her, i'd definatley take the risk, she is more then worth it,

Do any of ye think that maybe this is what is happening here or am i just dreaming, her txts recently have been worded alot more like they were at the start, there was a noticable change when she cut things off so to speak.

So im just a bit confused as to wether i should meet her or just leave it, and i aint gonna ask her what her intentions are now cos that would kind of defeat the purpose of "taking it cool and having a laugh" but at the same time i don't think its in me to be her "friend" at the moment anyway....

Ver.3

are you going to look back in five years and say i regret this that and the other or say i gave it my best shot...

yes, she may let you down again...but IMHO, thats nothing to how you'll let yourself down if you dont. the text sounded good, may have been what she was waiting for.
of course dont keep going back and back for more heartbreak, there is a line...to me it wouldnt have been crossed yet...im sure shes just confused (if shes single theres no question you should)...

you havent got anything to lose exept your pride, but you'll lose it anyway if you dont do it and then see her with another man.

VaioCruiser

GQ24 wrote: »

So im just a bit confused as to wether i should meet her or just leave it, and i aint gonna ask her what her intentions are now cos that would kind of defeat the purpose of "taking it cool and having a laugh" but at the same time i don't think its in me to be her "friend" at the moment anyway....

Ver.3 above is right. Will you regret it if you don't give it your best shot again ? I would.

Look, you just go out with her and be HONEST this time. Believe me it is the best thing to do. Last time you told her "taking it cool and having a laugh" but that wasn't true was it .... This time tell her you like her a lot and it's not just for a laugh, but you remember what happened last time and you don't want to go through that again.

Learn to open up and tell how your 'feel', not just a few cool lines. If you do that they there's a good chance she will do the same and together you can come to a conclusion as to what the best thing to do is.

All the best

LegacyUser

Thanks, Yeah ye are right, I would regret it if I didn't give her one more go, altough at the same time I don't wanna get hurt if ya know what i mean....
In regard being honest, i have been totally! She knows im mad about her ive told her this, however in hindsight i think this scared her a bit (don't blame her to be fair given her recent traumas)
She said she still thinks about the ex and doesn't know how she feels so....
I di think that taking things cool would be the best at this time, I don't wanna be a rebound thing or a crutch which i think i was becoming at the start of it all hence her distancing herself,
She probanly needs to be on her own for a while and thats IS cool with me, my worries are
A) Slipping in to the same situation again and scaring her off, which would upset me no end again
Slipping into a friend zone (from her point of view cos i know im always gonna want more in the grander scheme
and
c) losing contact altogether and losing her completly

Have had no contact since Monday anyway, told her to call yesterday if she wanted to hook up but she said that she thought she may be busy..

In any event i think i'll meet her next time we get the chance and try and gauge things then, reading into txt messages etc. is a bit silly really, thing is she can be very hard to read, i mean she is one of these girls with alot of males friends, (i seem to be attracted to these types for some reason and so far it has never ended well, dunno why)

Anyone with insights on girls that seem to prefer to have male friends rather then female ones for the most part...

Kimono-Girl

GQ24 wrote: »

Anyone with insights on girls that seem to prefer to have male friends rather then female ones for the most part...

most of my friends are male, the insight i can give you is it is because i found the girls who were my so called friends were so untrustworthy and false, where guys tend to be more trustworthy, like when i went through a bad patch all my male friends stood by me and took me out and about, men are easier to be friends with imo, but that is probally because im more interested in soccer than shopping, rugby than make up, and gaming over gossiping so girls like me can be one of the lads so to speak and i guess that's why some girls prefer male friends.

LegacyUser

Just an update, we met up a couple of times since everyting was going well, just brief meetings, decided to go to a festival at the wkd together, then she was having 2nd thoughts!!!
Came out last night that she doesn't see me as anything more then a friend, doesn't know if she ever did deep down,
I told her exactly how i felt, said no point in playing games no more...can't make her feel it if she doesn't tho,
told her i can't be her friend at the moment, its not fair on myself, both had red watery eyes saying goodbye, think its the hardest thing ive ever had to do...
Im sitting in work now and im nearly crying at my desk,
She sent me a link to a Bob Dylan song this morn...."it aint me babe", i broke down listening to it, she is the most amazing and sweetest most beautiful girl in the world....id marry her in the morning....
I've never felt so bad about anyting, if this doesn't improve in the short term i don't know wat i'll do to get through it....wish i could head away travelling but im not in a position to do that so.....

I am never gona let myself fall like this again.....its all too hard, you can keep "love" its a mugs game, im a lone wolf from here on out,

Doubt she reads this forum but in case ya do.....I love ya T think i always will!!

Kimono-Girl

GQ24 wrote: »

Just an update, we met up a couple of times since everyting was going well, just brief meetings, decided to go to a festival at the wkd together, then she was having 2nd thoughts!!!
Came out last night that she doesn't see me as anything more then a friend, doesn't know if she ever did deep down,
I told her exactly how i felt, said no point in playing games no more...can't make her feel it if she doesn't tho,
told her i can't be her friend at the moment, its not fair on myself, both had red watery eyes saying goodbye, think its the hardest thing ive ever had to do...
Im sitting in work now and im nearly crying at my desk,
She sent me a link to a Bob Dylan song this morn...."it aint me babe", i broke down listening to it, she is the most amazing and sweetest most beautiful girl in the world....id marry her in the morning....
I've never felt so bad about anyting, if this doesn't improve in the short term i don't know wat i'll do to get through it....wish i could head away travelling but im not in a position to do that so.....

I am never gona let myself fall like this again.....its all too hard, you can keep "love" its a mugs game, im a lone wolf from here on out,

Doubt she reads this forum but in case ya do.....I love ya T think i always will!!

you sound like a really nice and sweet guy, who deserves to have a girl who loves you back, so why continue chasing someone who doesn't want you? why let her who doesn't care decide who you care about? surely as important as this girl is now, you'd want someone who feels the same way? everyone deserves that...

LegacyUser

Thats just it ive done chasing...its over and thats what has upset me so much, I have to force myself to accept that its never gonna happen,
I bare no ill feelings toward her, kinda wish i did might make things easier, but i don't..
She was upset last nite also, said she wanted to be friends and that i was really important to her. made her sad that we couldn't still be in contact....but she understood that its not something i can do right now...
I really wouldn't do this to my worst enemy, i feel like im in hell, just wanna sleep til its out of my system....really can't deal today,
How i wish id taken advice given to me back a few months ago and just walked away, but couldn't make myself do it.....its not meant to be this hard surely! i am still fighting back the tears.

And re. being a "sweet guy".....thats my problem, if i like someone ill do anything for them, become a doormat in a way i suppose....no more tho, it really is true nice guys come last....believe me fellas don;t do it to yourself

im looking out for number 1 from now on, its a cruel world and if ive learned anything from this its that no one will look out for you but yourself when all said and done, its every man and woman for themselves....don't wanna feel like that but at the moment its the only conclusion i can reach

sachamama

I just hope that you dont shoot yourself in the foot in the future because the next girl could be the girl for you.
i think you have to choose do you go through life feeling things, and experiencing things, like the experience you just had, or if you go through life closed and dead inside.
take time to heal, to get over this, and go out brave into the world with a still open but more experienced heart! that is true courage, the road less travelled by.