Advice Please!

polliep

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LegacyUser

polliep wrote: »

I texted my boyfriend from a friend's phone the other evening. It was a generic text saying hi how are you etc. He however presumed it was from a girl he knew from the past so I played along. We texted back and forth for a while and he eventually asked to meet her and her friend for a once off sex session. He admitted that he had a girlfriend and was happy in the relationship but would like to explore with two girls as a once off. I am not sure how to deal with this now. I know he is entirely in the wrong but can't help feeling I tricked him slightly so not sure whether just to end it with him or come clean about the texts?

He may have copped it was you and is winding you up! :-)

sunshine007

Go Along with it... get a friend ... the two of you show up and watch the expression on his face and then tell him he's dumped! That'll teach him to mess with you!!! You shouldnt put up with this carry on... fair enough you tricked him slightly, but how do you know this hasnt happened before with him - only the real thing?

aidan24326

polliep wrote: »

I texted my boyfriend from a friend's phone the other evening. It was a generic text saying hi how are you etc. He however presumed it was from a girl he knew from the past so I played along. We texted back and forth for a while and he eventually asked to meet her and her friend for a once off sex session. He admitted that he had a girlfriend and was happy in the relationship but would like to explore with two girls as a once off. I am not sure how to deal with this now. I know he is entirely in the wrong but can't help feeling I tricked him slightly so not sure whether just to end it with him or come clean about the texts?

You completely tricked him. In legal circles I think they call this entrapment.
Now fair enough he's out of order with what he said, but you have deliberately set him up. When texting from somebody else's phone it would be normal to put your name in the message so as to avoid any confusion, you obviously didn't reveal who you were when you texted him first, so this seems quite deliberate on your part. You're both in the wrong here, and your deviousness has created a right little mess. You've no choice but to come clean and tell him it was you, then you have to deal with the problem of why he wants a threesome with other girls. Though you also need to examine whether his eagerness was partly down to anything that you said in the messages, like were you encouaraging him to get a reaction?

ManOfMystery

Are you sure he doesn't know it was you? A girl I know was in an almost identical situation with her boyfriend, but he had realised it was her from the offset and was playing along - when it came to meeting up with the 'mystery girl', he texted the gf on her own mobile and told her he knew it was her all along and he didn't appreciate being tested.

However, there is also the chance that your boyfriend IS looking for fun with other girls. In that case, I don't think it matters whether it's entrapment or not - he's in a relationship, and he shouldn't be cheating. It's irrelevant whether you texted him and tricked him or not - there is a willingness on his part to cheat, and that's what the issue is. In which case, I think you should play along and then dump his ass.

LegacyUser

polliep wrote: »

I texted my boyfriend from a friend's phone the other evening. It was a generic text saying hi how are you etc. He however presumed it was from a girl he knew from the past so I played along. We texted back and forth for a while and he eventually asked to meet her and her friend for a once off sex session. He admitted that he had a girlfriend and was happy in the relationship but would like to explore with two girls as a once off. I am not sure how to deal with this now. I know he is entirely in the wrong but can't help feeling I tricked him slightly so not sure whether just to end it with him or come clean about the texts?

yes you did trick him in some sense, so its not entirely fair.
I think you should casually find those messages on his phone and open a discussion on why he would feel that way.....I wouldn't go blaming him as your messages led to this problem while it may it have been deep within him.....

shellyboo

Wow, that's a mess of your own making and no mistake.

You were wrong and he was wrong, but as we know, two wrongs don't make a right. Talk to him, tell him what you did, ask him what he was thinking. If he gets defensive and angry, dump him. If he gets angry at you, but apologetic... there may be a chance.

VaioCruiser

I hope he finds out and terminates as soon as he possibly can. What a sneaky deceptive thing to do !

puglover

Op what you did what wrong and immature, but I'm kinda leaning towards the fact that I think he was worse.

I presume if he copped it was you he would have brought it up with you by now.

Honestly I think it's time to call it a day. Neither of you should be in this relationship.

Terodil

puglover wrote: »

Op what you did what wrong and immature, but I'm kinda leaning towards the fact that I think he was worse.

Well, let's look at the facts for a minute:

The OP deliberately deceived him into believing she was somebody else. She lied to him in order to test his fidelity. She played him for a fool, pulled his strings, and found out that he moved.

Her partner replied to the texts and didn't break them off. He indicated he might want to meet up for something more, but:

1. we don't know if he actually saw through the deception all along
2. we don't know if he would have actually gone through with it

So basically at the moment we have a deceitful, lying OP and a lot of ifs on her 'partner's' side.

I don't really know who's worse here. Besides, that doesn't help them in any way, the guilt game is always a lose-lose situation.

puglover wrote: »

Honestly I think it's time to call it a day. Neither of you should be in this relationship.

This is dead-on. The OP demonstrated clearly that she's not ready to be in a relationship with him. The trust between both is destroyed. Whatever the partner intended, if he really wanted to cheat or not, does not make an ounce of difference any more -- the relationship, if there ever was one, is in shambles now and beyond repair.

Time to call it.

General Zod

And we only have the OP's side as to what was being suggested.

Nitxteha

you should arrange a meeting with your friend and yourself and have the laugh of your life if he turns up He would be so embarrassed that he would think twice before even thinking of messing with you or anybody else again.

Most probably he would only show those text to his male friends and show off but if he's a decent guy he would not go