Depression.

LegacyUser

Whenever something is about to happen, that may have been suggested to me, like being asked out with someone, I always think negatively. Always - it's just who I am. I think negatively to avoid disappointment.

Here is why. I really really like someone, and three of my friends kept telling me that he liked me back, liked me back, liked me back, etc. Though I shook my head in disbelief, there was a tiny part of me that thought, hey maybe. Just the way he acted around me in general, was apparently a "given". So this has been going on for months now; and by months I mean alot of months. With every passing day I got ever so slightly more positive about the whole situation, because I thought, "well - It's possible I suppose".

While all this was going on I was also hopeful about a college course I had applied to, and I was acting really positive about it because I was so sure I got it. My hopes for high for both a possible relationship and my college place.

Then it came crashing down bit by bit all in the same week. I didn't get the college course though I had the grades, this upset me so much. I had never been more disappointed in my life. Now I'm in a complete mess with sorting college out as I got my first offer and don't want it; I want my second offer instead (I applied for the other course in England). It's completely stressing me out and I'm going absolutely mad over the whole thing.

In terms of the guy I like, friends were talking to him casually and turns out he in fact does not like me. I know this because my friend started interrogating me afterwards aswell and I was naturally suspicious as to why she was asking me weird questions out of the blue. But yeah, he used to - I know that. We almost went out before. We didn't in the end because of the fact that we were such good friends and didn't want to wreck it. At the time I said yeah ok, when in fact my heart was screaming no. It's now nearly two years later and I'm still hung up over it. I'm not going to tell him how I feel because I'll look like a moron to be honest, because I have never felt this way about anyone before.

So the college place gone and chances with this guy are gone, and I'm at my wits end. I know you probably don't think that's alot but it's seriously taking its toll on me. I'm suffering severe insomnia and I feel depressed like all the time. I'd talk to my friend but I just know that the guy I like, likes her, and I can't help but feel somewhat pissed off with the whole situation. I've given up hope of everything completely, and now I'm going to resume my "always think negatively" routine, because at least then I was never disappointed, or at least not by much.

I think the thing is is that I'm great friends with this guy. I think the whole friendship-wrecking-ball idea is still there. My friend seems to think that the guy does in fact like me and is just afraid to admit it because of that. I just don't know; I think if by some miracle something did happen between us, and if we did go out and then break up, we'd be able to move past it and stay friends; but obviously I could never say that to him. I don't want to come across and some sort of stalker.

Everything is just so messed up and I have no one to talk to without seeming stupid or angry. I keep snapping at people when they try to help. I really don't know what to do.

Has anyone here got any suggestions?

cocoloca

When I did my leaving cert it i got my second choice and I was devastated at the time, but looking back now it was the best thing that happened to me. I look back now and realise that everything happens for a reason (i didnt want to hear that at the time!) and I try to look at all the positive things I look at all the friends i made on the course that i would not have made it i didnt do it and I have the same qualification that I would have gotten from my first choice. So what im saying is give the course you got a chance but if you know in your heart and sole that you are not going to like it I would look at the other options available.

About the relationship issues would you consider talking to a professional about it? If you are depressed it can really help and I dont think that they would mind if you were snappy towards them as its what their trained to do.