Just need advice about this

merlie

Hello there,

Just a quick bit of background first

Recently my long term boyfriend, of nearly 6 years, broke from me. We had talked about me moving over to England to live with him and also about having children. The way he broke from me was bad, in that everything on the surface appeared normal and one Thursday, I sent him an email telling him how much I loved him etc and later that same day, he broke from me, but that he still wanted us to be friends and that he would never go back with me again.

I was, as you can imagine. gutted. I don't think I have been hurt as deep as he has hurt me.

Moving along...

We are still in communication via text and msn but that is about the sum of it. I am afraid to ring him as I do not know if he will answer and let the machine take it instead. I hate all of it right now in that I have to pretend I am good and jolly happy and all that and the opposite is true. I hate all of it.

The texts he sends me are not even the same as when before we met, we used to text one another and it was really nice and you could tell by the way he said things and now I get things like ..Im back home and looking for something on tv.

I might as well send him a text saying...I opened the door, I went into the room, had a look around and came back out again!

I have to keep myself in check all the time when i am chatting with him on msn and if or should I start talking about my feelings..it is ignored. Nothing is said..despite knowing that he has read it. I know if someone is supposed to be a friend, can one not discuss feelings at all etc?

I do not know where, if any, this is all going to take me. I know he said he would never take me back. A part of me is hoping he will but another part of me says to look at what he did to me and don't go back there to get hurt all over again. I do know that we had up's and down's like other couples and we had some rocky times but thought that we could sail through it, but he never talked to me about how he was feeling or let me know anything.

I was deeply hurt by the way he ended it as it was not straightforward. He has been so long in my life I don't know if I could do without him being around in some capacity. Tthe thing I would like to know is, how can I make this friendship better, do I have to carry on and lie to make him feel ok, which I hate doing?

Are you still friends with your ex? How did you work through it?

Any advice please

Thank you for reading this,

Merlie

king_of_inismac

The advice is simple:
Cut all contact. You're just making it harder on yourself in the long run. How can you get over him if he's still in your life?

LegacyUser

+1. cut all contact, its the only way to get over the relationship. i tried the friend thing with a few exes and it never worked out - one or other of us always wanted to be more than friends.
you will survive without him and the gaps in your life when you first cut contact will fill in, if you let them

shellyboo

Yeah, you can never be friends with an ex unless you take a break from them. Cut all contact and don't re-establish it until you're REALLY over him.

LegacyUser

also think you should cut contact, and even at that I think you should consider moving on, as breaking up is one thing but he has at the start said about never getting back together - there is obviously a reason for that....and if he didn't tell you why, you probably don't want to know...

J Peterman

I don't know, on the one hand I agree with everyone else saying you should cut all contact, but on the other hand I think you deserve a bit of an explanation for the relationship's sudden end. Even if it's just "I finally decided I didn't want to marry you", you deserve to have him actually say it. You know, a bit of closure and all that. You can cut contact after then.