Lost......but desperately looking for direction???

LegacyUser

Hello all,
I have turned to boards as I have to admit to being completely lost......

A brief synopsis of my complicated world:
I'm male (29) and had been with my gf for almost 5 and a half years.
Like any relationship it hasn't been easy but we made it through it all together. But suddenly in the last few months perhaps thinking about our future or perhaps i felt the pressure to actually 'popping the question' I began to question was I deeply happy and whether a future together would be right??
On reflection being deeply madly in love and now looking back I don't think it was a totally fair or even relationship, I often took the brunt of my gf's bad days in nasty things being said to me.....while i didn't allow them bother me much at the time they all began to surface as I questioned more and more if I was happy or not. I admit to not being a complete saint but I never said anything or did anything to deliberately hurt her.

Then suddenly during an argument she said in a temper that she wanted to break up (something she had done before as a type of threat) but this time I agreed and said it was now up to me if we were going to get back together or not.... She also later acknowledged that she made a lot of mistakes and that many of the things I highlighted were true, which I think might have even frustrated me even more, knowing that it was actually true.
So living together I decided that I wanted some space so we moved to different rooms and began to follow our own interests somewhat more, catching up with our own friends separately a bit more too..living separate life's ...

Now it begins to get more complicated. During an evening out with some new(ish) friends i met a girl and we really got on very well, so much so that we even decided to attend an event together the following night, it just seems that we clicked. Anyway after a few weeks we eventually kissed therefore turning our friendship into a relationship. Not ideal but not planned, just seemed to happen.....

Now quickly to go through it, my ex (who couldn't face that we actually broke up) discovered a few clues that that led her to ask me about this girl, were I displayed some honesty in telling her that I kissed that girl ( I only admitted to giving a drunken kiss in order not to upset her even more then she already was).
Obviously my bags were packed for me which I agreed to and I had the opportunity to temperately live somewhere else nearby. At this point I also gave a full account to the new girl I met (something I didn't think she wanted or needed to know previously as we didn't know what our friendship was going to mean). She understood my situation and stood by me, even while I also had to help my ex come to terms which our situation.

SO TO NOW:

I don't know where I am and what I want, as both girls have asked me to clearly tell them what the future I want with them, i.e. commit and devote myself to just keeping one of them happy - my ex gf still loves me and has forgiven me for what she believes to have happened between myself and the other girl, and has said she will change and wants for us to try again....

Meanwhile I have fallen in love with this other girl and she with me. But now she has said that she now cannot be in this situation any longer, and has stopped seeing me to allow me come to a solid decision in order to allow us build an even better relationship or move on....

But I don't know what I should do....perhaps go with the safer option and try again with my ex (everyone knows us as a couple, familiarity, established routines etc) OR start over again after all these years while currently being deeply in love but not knowing where we are going....will it short term or lead to something even more...




To complicate matters more both girls are foreign and english is not there first language. My ex now having english as good as myself but the girl I'm currently seeing came to Ireland to improve her english a few months ago, her english which probably at an advanced learning stage. Some may say this doesn't matter but at times I think it does...

Also both girls are absolutely stunning and could have the pick of the room, so i know how lucky I am. They also stimulate me mentally as they are both very intelligent.

sunshine007

Easier said than done but - I think you need a break from both situations. You had been in a relationship for a very long time with this lady. You pretty much jumped straight into another relationship with another lady. You need a bit of time to yourself before you jump into another relationship. I know from experience (and i know all situations differ) but it can quite often be a rebound thing after a long relationship. Have a break. Get away.

LegacyUser

sunshine007 wrote: »

Easier said than done but - I think you need a break from both situations. You had been in a relationship for a very long time with this lady. You pretty much jumped straight into another relationship with another lady. You need a bit of time to yourself before you jump into another relationship. I know from experience (and i know all situations differ) but it can quite often be a rebound thing after a long relationship. Have a break. Get away.

Thanks sunshine.

So true, easier said than done....as I have tried getting a break already for a short time but I'm one of these people who keeps themselves busy (and distracted).....so it hasn't help in the slightest. Perhaps it has shown me that I miss the new girl more, but I'm aware that it could be because we are at an early exciting stage of getting to know each other better...

I'm aware I jumped into another relationship, thats why I think I have been very safe and careful before making any decision. But i have discussed this with her and it just seems like we fell in love despite trying to avoid it on both sides for obvious reasons.....

LegacyUser

anyone else.....please?

LegacyUser

I am lost wrote: »

anyone else.....please?

getting more space from both these days, but still lost......