Fear of death

LegacyUser

hi all, just thought that by putting my feelings up here i might get some answers.
ok im 23yr old student, have a good life, normal up bringing ect. however i have a terrible fear of death, i go through phases where its all i think about, i sometimes even cry at the thought of it. i just cant seem to understand why your here one minute and then gone. i think this obession started around the time a friend died when i was 11.

recently i became an aunt and although i was so happy for this new life, another part of me felt sad, i thought......i wont be here to see this baby grow old.
i adore children but recently ive started to think that i dont want to bring a child into the world because inevatibly it will die.

now before you ask i am a pretty happy person, i dont suffer with depression. i have talked to my mother about this, she is a psychotherapist/counsellor and she said it would be no harm to talk to someone. its like i get too wrapped up in my own head. i cant bear the thought of loosing my parents or anyone close to me. im afraid im not living life to the full because i have this fear.
does anyone else feel this way?

LegacyUser

I think I know where you are coming from OP. Does it feel like a constant, nagging weight inside your mind?

When I was 13, I remember sitting in school one day, looking out the window, when the thought suddenly and immediately struck me that I would one day die. I walked out of that class in a sort of daze and until I was about 16/17 I constantly had a nagging thought in my mind that I was going to die some day. I remember not being able to fully enjoy teenage disco's or other aspects of growing up because I couldn't shake off the constant reminder in my mind that I would one day die. I'm 19 now and I find it hard to remember exactly how distressed I felt 3 or 4 years ago but I can remember feeling so pissed off every day because I would wake up and remember I was going to die. I drudged through every day.

In the end, the only way for me to come to terms with the fact was first, obviously, to accept it and second, to make myself feel less frightened by the idea of it. I completely gave up any belief in an afterlife since I was about 16 and, paradoxically, this helped me feel less apprehensive about my inevitable death. I look at my life now as period of time in which I might aswel live as fulfilling a life as possible because, even if I don't, I'm going to die some day anyway.

I feel the same way as you with regard to chldren however (I'm male by the way). I see them and think "yeah they look cute" and obviously it would be brilliant to have my own. But finding children, especially your own, cute is only a mechanism of biological evolution to impel you to want to have them. It's not worth having children I believe. They will have happy times, they will have sad times but in my overall opinion its not a nice world into which they find themselves dropped. Thats just me though!

My advice would be to try your hardest to accept death. I'm sure you will agree that people telling you to "just not think about it" really don't know how your mind works!

LegacyUser

hey thanks for your reply. yeah thats excatly how i feel. i am catholic by birth, but i dont really have any true belief, however i feel if i did have a belief i would feel better about it, thats just for me personally. im with my bf over a year and i love him so much however im terrified of commitment as im afraid of loosing him, sometimes i feel like im going mad.

i know most people are aprehensive about death but its an unhealthy obession i have, and it some ways its also selfish. i've tried talking to friends about it and the response i usually get it........well it happens to all of us. i just cant understand why it has to happen, thats why i think if i did believe in something greater it would put me at ease.

Undertow

I can totally relate to this OP. In fact, I was going to post a similar thread not so long ago. It happens me every now and again and it really, really frightens me. I get quite obsessed thinking about it and it has the domino effect and suddenly I find myself thinking about how I'll react when my parents pass away, friends etc....

I often think about what happens next then, the thought of lying in a coffin 6 feet under. Thats what scares me the most. I remind myself of the scene in Kill Bill where she wakes up and tries to get out!

My biggest fear is someone really close to me getting cancer. I've convinced myself that its probably the way I'm going to go. I can almost accept that but if my parents were to get it, I just dont think I could cope.

I know this probably isn't much of a help to you, OP, but its something off my chest. I have to say it was comforting to know someone else has experienced similar feelings. So thanks for sharing it with us.

renraw

Hi OP, just after reading the thread. When I was 23, I used to dwell on death alot (about family, friends etc.). I thought it would never go away, but he actually does. I was soo much like yourself, terrified of the thoughts of death. Then when it faced me (a close relative died), it brought home a lot to me and I realised that we can't avoid it and it is inevitable.

You will pass through this phase, because a lot of my friends were the same. You won't even realise that its fading into the distance because it does get a whole lot better

Evil-p

The link below is a post I posted a couple of years ago! I am not trying to push any religious perspective but i think there are a few interesing points raised if you bypass the science jargon!!

For me the fear has completely passed, if anything i'm a bit indifferent to it now. It doesn't occupy my toughts at all! And yet there were nights when i lay awake trying to get my head around not existing which is futile really because it cannot be imagined while we are living!!

You'll be ok chicken, but if its still weighing on you it may be worth speaking to an expert on it, they might put some perspective on it for you!

Check out the mark twain quote.......its something to the effect of "I do not fear death for I was dead for millions of years before i was born and it caused no inconvenience".

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055407698

Kevo

People look to religion or science to overcome their fear. If religion is yourthing then dying is just a transition.

Personally I believe that we are just a product of computation in the brain and when we die we cease to exist. Some people find this idea scary but I actually take comfort in it. I know that my loved ones will not suffer.

LegacyUser

thanks for all your replys. im gald im not the only one who thinks about it a little too much. i suppose im the knida person who likes to know things, as in facts and so on, so therefore the thought of dying freaks me out as i dont know whats happening.

i knew a guy who dies over a year ago was only 24, was diagnosed with cancer and 10 weeks later he was dead, lovely lad, well i remember the priest saying that he went to visit him and ask him was in angry or scared>? his reply, what or who should i be angry with, this is just the way it was meant to be. i could never imagine myself having this much dignity.

the concept of death just terrfies me, and like another poster said the thoughts of my body being 6 feet under and never to see the light of day scares me. i do believe in some form of after life, due to certain experiences but it doesnt seem to give me much comfort

starchild

What you need is an understanding of what death is, until you understand something its completely natural to fear it.

There have been many books written on this, the best ones for me would be found in any mind-body-spirit section in any large bookstore.

Alternatively you could use the

Religions & Spirituality sections on boards where you can ask questions of all the major and minor faiths or spiritual beliefs. Many people post in these sections so at least it will give you a range of ideas of what other people think. You can decide if any of these resonate with you.

Knowledge will always dissolve fear

LegacyUser

I am going thru the exact same thing right now, well for the last while. i tried to
speak to some friends but they dont get it n look at me like im bein poetic or something. I believe everyday above ground is gravy compared to that being dust, underground whatever.
But everything reminds me of the finality. I cant get my head round the fact that
there are so many different individuals, in the past, now and in the future n each one
will be snuffed out eventually. Even when i see flowers or leaves its sad cos they arent the
same ones as last year or next year theyll be gone n wont get to enjoy being. Thats the
comparison i make to people i mean. But the comment above with the mark twain quote
is really helpful! The process of death wont be v exactly pleasant but once were dead
it wont matter at all! So why worry? In some perverse way im glad were all in the same boat, even tho we all face death alone, were all alone so were all in the same boat with that so were not alone? Did that make sense? I hope you feel better soon!
I wonder ya cant exactly go up to the dying or the elderly n ask them how they feel bout
their twilight years n facing death soon can you, what advice cud they give, how are they
coping? Maybe an expert wud be a good idea.

Miss Lockhart

I know how you feel OP.

I had a dream last week in which I found out I was going to die. Being a dream, it was unrealistic and surreal - there didn't seem to be any illness or anything, just that I would definitley die, for example, at a certain time.

The terrible of feeling of impending doom and sheer helplessness that overcame me was unbelievable. I was filled with grief and felt sick with dread. I woke up very upset and took a while to calm down.

I have now had the same dream twice more in the past week. At this point I am dreading bed time.

Death is not something I have pondered much in the past, but it is starting to play on my mind now. It is a dreadful feeling. Sometimes when I am awake now I start to feel that helpessness and sense of impending doom.

meisha

dont be afraid OP death is something thats happens to us all,i had a huge fear of it too and since i became a mother im more afraid of it happening to my son before me as the it would be the only thing in my life i could not cope with,i pray very night that we will live long and happy lives,i cant stop my destinity when i go i have to go but i can make the most of life and when deaths do happen ill deal with them when the time comes and not let thoughts take over my head for no reason,i could live untill im 92 so whats the point of thinking about it?it will happen regardless you just have to learn to except it and be gratefull for the wonderfull things you DO have in life xxx all the best!