Family think I need to settle down and grow up

iguana2005

Hello.
Am nearing 36 this year! eeek!!! Spend a few years abroad which i loved but was very homesick towards the end for friends of old.

Came home but I cant seem to settle. Have an ok job. Am single while all friends are married with kids. Dont particularly get on with my family. Have had troubles in the past with debt(am paying it off), drink(am very well behaved now) and am much more together.

A chance has come up again for me to go abroad. Family not happy and telling me to cop on and stay in job and buy a house. I have NO interest. Now I would love to buy a house but have no interest in buying a house here in Ireland...money is tight anyhow so would be saving for at least 10 years to get a deposit! My hometown just depresses me and as one of my friends say...'its what they(my family) want for me not what I want'.

Do you think I should relocate back to Australia? I have a good few friends there now...I love the country as I feel there is no pressure of women to settle down(even though I would love to but it doenst happen to everyone) and buy a house and have a full time job. Many of my friends there are divorced in their 40's and still renting and happy.

Any advise would be great?

The_Conductor

At the end of the day- its your life, and how you lead it is your business. If you are deeply unhappy here, and do not get on with your family- by all means consider a more permanent move down under. There is a different mentality there than there is here- perhaps the different lifestyle, perceptions and expectations in Australia are what you need.

There is not a one-size-fits-all approach to life- we all have to make our own paths, often they involve making mistakes and learning from them- but ultimately, life is too short to remain somewhere in unhappiness, because its what your family expect of you.

Australia probably has a lot more going for it economically, than this country will have for a long time to come.......

Oh The Humanity

I wouldn't bother your hoop buying a house in this dump of a 'country'

Rent if you have any sense, get out of Ireland altogether if you are in the lucky position to have no ties!

The 'government' (:rolleyes:) are bringing in property tax in the next budget and what with management fees and the outrageous cost of owning a home here I would just dodge the headache altogether.

Property is going to remain pretty much worthless for a long time to come here so don't waste your money.

Being single in your 30's is also a difficult one here because all the friends are too shattered trying to cope with financial demands and family to be able to afford a social life.

I think you should seriously consider going away. Your family are giving you the age old advice Irish families always do, that is buy property. Unfortunately its not going to be pleasant being a property owner here for the next good few years!

Get out if you can!

cafecolour

Parents always tell you to settle down and grow up, it's what they do Mine have been doing it since uni, but I think they've given up by now!

They're just worried for you - all they know is the prevailing 'buy house, get married, have kids so you are taken care of in old age' mentality. Which is grand, but not the only way to live (or be fine in old age!).

Yeah, go to Aus. Maybe you'll have a great time and settle there. Maybe you'll have a great time and decide to held elsewhere. Maybe it'll make you decide Ireland really is where you'd rather be!

Euro_Kraut

OP, you have to live the life that suits you best and not your family. There is no obligation in life to 'settle down' or 'grow up'. They are not defined terms in any case.

Live in the place that makes you happiest. For some people that is a 2 story house in their hometown. For others its might be Austrailia.

Good luck with everything.

VaioCruiser

OP ... if you are so dependent on what your family think, at your age - then I regret to say you do need to grow up ....


All the best

miec

There is not a one-size-fits-all approach to life- we all have to make our own paths, often they involve making mistakes and learning from them- but ultimately, life is too short to remain somewhere in unhappiness, because its what your family expect of you.

I would suggest you move away too, if you liked Australia, have a job offer etc then go as there is nothing much here and to be honest being a property owner is not the end all and be all of life. Being mortgage free can be a liberating experience.

LegacyUser

Definitely go.

I moved from Ireland at the age of 34 and am loving my new life. The fact that you choose to live in a place, rather than just staying where you were born, gives a much better respect and pride for your new country.

I also found that the one-up-manship attitude of many in Ireland doesn't go down well with me at all, so losing that was very liberating.

Of course I miss my friends and family there from time to time, but on the plane back here, I always know where I'd rather be.

ciagr297

From the sounds of it, you are just not happy here. How is getting a mortgage and being stuck here going to improve that? If you have the job offer, take it.
Your family will just have to deal with it. All they are pushing on you is expectations and wanting you to go down this road simply because its all they know.
Debating the emigration thing myself right now, but no job offer so you are a lot better off with one
Go for it, live your own life.

seamus

Well going by your post:

1. You don't get on with your family (i.e. you can live without seeing them every week).
2. You don't like your home town.
3. You like Australia
4. You have friends on Australia.

So why exactly are you asking the question? All that matters is what makes you happy. What others expect you to do, or what's considered the "normal" thing to do, is only the right thing to do if it's what you want.

Ignore people who tell you Ireland's great or Ireland's ****. Likewise, ignore people who say Oz is ****e or great. Ask yourself what you think and act on that. Nobody else's opinion should matter - it's your life, not theirs. They don't know what the best thing for you is.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Maybe your family need to stop treating you like the child who has returned and start respecting that you have been making your own decisions and being independent for a long time now. They only seem to see the mistakes you once made and not the Independent woman you have become.

You can also use this opportunity to take that control over your life now and have no tolerance for their critical interference anymore if you can do this in a non defensive way you may gain their respect before you leave, there are ways to put your foot down where you respect your family also. You dont seem to have a desire to settle in one place, maybe you like the freeness of your life, you should embrace this.

I find this conversation very interesting, for the first time in my generation people are changing their views on the meaning of life, seems so menial now to be so focused on owning a property and paying for it for the rest of your life, maybe we will all be presented with other ways to inhabit this world.

The lesson i got from this post is to trust your instincts, and follow your dreams.

Beruthiel

iguana2005 wrote: »

A chance has come up again for me to go abroad. Family not happy and telling me to cop on and stay in job and buy a house. I have NO interest.

You have answered your own question you know.

At the end of the day, are you going to live your life the way other people want you to or the way you want to?

Remember, there is no one way to live a life. There are many and varied ways.
What is right for one person is not right for another.
Do what feels right for you.