Monday Ones

Rufus.T.Firefly

Broadmoor karaoke results

3rd place...Rose West with
"under the boardwalk"

2nd place... Peter Sutcliffe with
"if I had a hammer"

and the winner is....

Harold Shipman with...
"A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down"

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A big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills.

The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no-one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognise any animal's skin from its feel and, if he could locate the bullet hole, he would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal.

The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on.

They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin.

After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "Bear."

Then he felt the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 rifle." He was right.

They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk.

He took a bit longer this time and then said,

"Elk, Shot with a 7mm Mag rifle.

Of course, he was right again.

Throughout the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks.

Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind, and went to sleep.

The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner.

He said to his wife,

"I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it.

Where did I get this black eye?"

His wife angrily replied,

"I gave it to you.

You got into bed and put your hand down my panties.

Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced,

"Skunk, killed with an axe."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties.

One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.

Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.

"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.

The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.

The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view.

When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner.

As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.

After many trips, she is tired, irritated and begins to wonder why the unusual interest in the raisin bread.

Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below.

Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.

Thinking that she can save herself a trip back up the ladder, she yells at the elderly man,

"Is it raisin for you too?"

"No stammers the old man, but it's quivering a little."

dh0661

Good MAN Rufus , keep the male jokes cumming comming :rolleyes:

Anyway LOL:D