Fathers rights/responsibilities?

jum

Hi All.

Just wanted to put my situation out here and see what people think of it.

I currently have a 7yr old daughter for an ex partner (we split when she was 1yr)
I was doing a low paid job when we split so I could only make payments of €50pw.
I then up'd that to €60 pw.
With the help of a solicitor I got her to sign guardianship papers when she was 3yrs old.
So that's sorted.
I was taken her every Fri or Sat night or at least 1 night a week as I was working the other days
but it would always be for a 24hr period.
After a lot of stress and bickering I eventually got this to 2 days a week mainly 12 Fri to 12 Sun (48hrs)(approx times.)

About 4 years ago I got a better paying job and starting paying €80pw a while after that.
This job is shift based and meant I could no longer take her Fri/Sat but had to skew to take her on Wed to Fri every week (again 48hrs)
I again started to ask for more access as now working shift I had time for it. I asked for 12 Wed to 12 Sat (72hrs) (as I mainly work Sat nights)
This was refused over and over saying unless I could take her on a "going out" i.e Sat or Sun night then I could not have her an extra night.
Eventually with another trip to the solicitor and submitting my shift pattern to him she agreed to the extra night.
I have Since bought a house, gotten married, have a 2yr old child with my wife and we are now expecting another baby
in Oct 09.


Problem is I am starting to find it hard to cope with all the financing at the moment and the €80pw is killing me.

I am wondering is there a set way that payments are worked out in Ireland or is it still as I was told by my solicitor a few years ago that it does not matter that I have my child for half the week I still have to pay as if I only take her for a few hrs on a Saturday.
Surely the fact the my child has full wardrobes of clothes, playrooms stocked with toys and anything else I can provide for her should come into the decision on how much
maintenance payments are. I used to pay half towards everything her mother wanted to get her also but stopped when started getting the feeling I was been doubted.

I pay for dancing lessons and other things the child does during my care and also pay for some other things in school as she won't get to do it if it's left to her mother to pay for it and I wouldn't like to see her left out.

Podman

It seems really unfair that you have to pay her mother €80 a week, especially now that you have your child for half the week and your circumstances have changed to having a bigger family now.

Your ex should cop-on and be supportive, it might suit her financially to keep things as they are but the child is in the middle.

I'm definitely no expert, but it may be time to re-assess the situation?

The Valley

I'm sorry to hear your story but I think you are screwed. My brother is in a silimar position and there is nothing he can do to reduce his payments even though as the child is getting older she is staying more and more with him.

You should try and talk to your ex without getting solicitors involved but I'd say this will be fruitless. Her solicitor will probably tell her she is intitled to more anyway.

In my brothers situation the money he pays (120 euro per week) mostly goes to proping up her social lifestyle and a Nigerian who has moved in to his house.

megapixel

There are plenty of money hungry women out there who use their children as a pay cheque each week and plenty who never take a penny from the father.

The childs needs/requirements aren't looked after enough in the courts.
Always seem to side with the mother unless her requests are stupid.

My sister has a 8 year old who has never taken a penny from the father, he was majorly involved for the 1st 4 years of her life and then started to drift away when he had his own family and got married.

sickpuppy32

I empathise witht he bit on mum only letting you have the child on her "going out" night, it saves her paying for a babysitter. Course when she wants the company of her child in the middle of the week, no way mate. You should record everything you pay for with that kid, keep every receipt, that way if it does go to court you can prove you pay a lot more than just want mammy gets into her hand

Kildrought

mostly goes to proping up her social lifestyle

The child's mother provides you with a detailed expenditure?

....and a Nigerian who has moved in to his house

This makes no sense....

There are plenty of money hungry women out there who use their children as a pay cheque each week...

Please detail the research / evidence on which you base this statement.

that it does not matter that I have my child for half the week I still have to pay as if I only take her for a few hrs on a Saturday

This is not the case.

You can apply to the District court for a variation in your maintenance. You don't need a Soltr do to this, the process is reasonably straight forward.

see also www.solo.ie for a good spread sheet on calculating maintenance.

Black Thorn

does your ex work? does she use daycare? (€80 doesn't go far in this country when it comes to kids)

You have other children but your first child hasn't gone away and still costs money to keep alive, healthy and happy. I know €80 probably hurts your pocket per week but at the end of the day its what is best for your child.

The fact that you cover other costs it makes a big difference where as some guys would complain about paying for even the minimum they need to according to law (disgraceful in this country) so if it really is a problem and not just an annoyance just talk to your ex, work out her costs, what she can afford and then go with what is right, may end up not being what you want but what does when doing the right thing?

The Valley

Kildrought wrote: »

The child's mother provides you with a detailed expenditure?
This makes no sense....
Please detail the research / evidence on which you base this statement.
This is not the case.

You can apply to the District court for a variation in your maintenance. You don't need a Soltr do to this, the process is reasonably straight forward.

see also www.solo.ie for a good spread sheet on calculating maintenance.

Firstly
A detailed letter of expenditure... so you are saying the mother needs to explain how she is spending her payments so you can decide week to week the ammount she should get. Can I put it to you once a payment rate has been agreed the mother can spend it on what she likes, and in most cases the full amount will not be spent on the child. I have kids myself and I would very rarley spend 80 euros a week on a child.

Secondly, In my brothers case he pays 120 euros, which I think is excessive. He pays that to his ex who is living with a nigerian national who does not work. By saying Nigerian national, it could be paddy the pasterer for all I care, i'm just giving you fact, You can choose to take what you want out of that but I beleive that the money he pays goes as much to feed and put clothes on his daughter as it is feed and put clothes on her partner. If my brother does not pay the money he does not get to see his duaghter. I'm sorry I dont have any research to back my self up but i know my brother case is not an isolated one.

Thirdly, if he was to go and try to vary his payments he would probably end up either paying more or seeing his child less again I have no researh.

My advice would be to talk to the mother, explain the situation and try to come to an agreement. If he has a good relationship with her and both are open to seeing it from the other persons side, with the childs best interest in mind it might work. Again I dont have any researh on this but I would say it will be a waste of time

Kildrought

@TheValley

so you are saying the mother needs to explain

No, I'm not...what I'm asking is how you could possibly know what the child's mother is spending?

120 euros, which I think is excessive

Child maintenance is based on both parents income & expenditure.

He pays that to his ex

who else would it be paid to?

living with a nigerian national

that's irrelevant as far as child maintenance is concerned; if he was contributing rent or paying bills then that would reduce (somewhat) the overall living costs. But evidently the person in question is not living with the child's father, previous post was somewhat confusing in this regard.

rarley spend 80 euros a week on a child

I take it that you provide shelter, heat & light, clothing, food, medical care, toys, books, education, hobbies and activities, holidays etc., etc., depending on your children's age?

I dont have any research

I dont have any researh on this but I would say it will be a waste of time

I don't think I need to add any more...

Black Thorn

The Valley wrote: »

Secondly, In my brothers case he pays 120 euros, which I think is excessive. He pays that to his ex who is living with a nigerian national who does not work. By saying Nigerian national, it could be paddy the pasterer for all I care, i'm just giving you fact, You can choose to take what you want out of that but I beleive that the money he pays goes as much to feed and put clothes on his daughter as it is feed and put clothes on her partner.

That really depends on the guy. I am currently in search of work and my partner is a single parent but what he ex DOES pay I don't have, I use what I get from social welfare or what I get from the odd days of work I am lucky to get towards myself and my partner (and her daughter) so just because from the outside my situation would be the same as your brother's ex's partner it wouldn't be as negative as it might seem.

The Valley

Firstly you said;

Originally Posted by Kildrought
The child's mother provides you with a detailed expenditure?

Lets say a very naive statement. Now your saying that it is not possible to know how much a parent spends on a child (given that we all agree that detailed receipts would not be forthcoming..) But if i'm talking to an adult I think you should be able come to a figure

Black Thorn- I agree with what you are saying, every situation should be treated on its merit. I'm not trying to say any different and all I can do is talk from experince from family members/friends going through the same as Jum.

Kildrought - yes I do provide for my kids and there are a lot of things I provide for them, too many to list and not all are expesive. Just because a couple split up it is not down to one party to fully provide for their childs needs (i know there may be cases) but Jum should be partially providing for his daughters needs which he is doing in spades and he should be proud of this but at what point is too much too much.
I still would say 80 euros is very generous. I suppose it depends on what you think child maintenance should cover, are holidays a necessity (which you said they were) are ballet classes a necessity.
Can we also mention the mother is in receipt of child benifit.
I'm sorry if I didn't reference any research to back up my opinion as requested in previous posts. Maybe you should stay away from the books and read real life situations, it may help mature your opinions.

miec

Hi Op

Personally whilst I do not agree with how your ex handles the childcare arrangements, in that it should not matter to her when you have your child (whether that is the weekend or during the week) I think it is unfair that you wish to reduce the maintenance payments. It is not just a wardrobe full of clothes and toys that she needs. The money you give goes towards heat, rent or mortgage, food, school costs, etc, etc. Just because your ex is having a social life or whatever, this does not immediately imply she is using the money you give her for that, basically it goes towards the overall household budget. It is not fair to cut back on what you pay to your daughter just because you are married with a new family. I'm sorry that it is hard for you financially but these are choices you have made and you have to live with the responsibility of that choice.

LegacyUser

I'm sorry but if he has her half the week or enough to qualify as half the week bar a few hours, should be paying maintenance at all?

I have a daughter and it would find it very very hard to spend 486 (80 x 4 +166) a month on her, actually that would cover all my twice monthly bills and leave some over easily based on ESB, UPC (TV/BB) and mobile bill. In fact those three for the last two months came to 240 euro give or take a couple of euro. So after those bills i would have 486 x 2 (972) - 240 = 732 left over.

It's "only" 80 a week + Child Allowance but it's adding up to be a large amount of extra money.

bobblehead

I hate to be the bad guy here, but from my understanding, the amount of child support you pay is based solely on your income it doesn't matter how many extra curricular things, or toys and clothes, you pay for (those are out of the goodness of your heart), nor does it matter how often you see your child. I think you should consider that raising a child as a single parent is not only a lot of work, but also a HUGE expense, and you paying her mother €80 a week is nothing compared to the actual cost of raising a child! You should quit complaining and do your fatherly duty, be thankful you get to see her more than two days a week, and quit complaining that it costs you so much money. The fact that you have two other children makes no difference in the amount of child support you pay for your first child.

jum

Thanks all for you comments

@ Black Thorn

Yes she does work (part-time so it won't effect her Single mother payments)
No she does not use child care. She work's while I have my child and her mother or other child's father minds her other child while she works.(she has since had a child now 4 for another person who is also paying €80pw she tells me) (I did not mention this in my original post as I know this child has no relevance to me or my payments)
My first child has definitely NOT gone away and I am sickened that you would make a statement to such, as you will see from my first post, I have done nothing during her life but try for more custody and I take her everyday I have off from my shift work which works out at 3 days pw.
€80 is alot pw considering I provide everything for her for half the week and more, her mother also gets single mother payments (for 2 kids) a subsidised council house, monthly child benifit payments and is also working. my family often buy cloths etc and give them to my daughter for her to wear in mothers house as they know that my child needs for nothing in our home and at 80 pw I believe this should be the case in her mothers also.
The right thing?? am I not doing the right thing by having as much of my child life evolving around our family aswell as her mother.

@ Kildrought
Thanks for the link

@ miec
the wardrobes full of clothes and toys I refer to are in my house. i.e I spend a lot of money on my daughter for when we have her. the €80pw is supposed to be for her(my daughter's) weekly living costs, of which I have her for half of... as for school costs, as I mentioned if something is going on in school(tin whistle, yoga,sports day, tours) I generally have to pay these as her mother will leave the letters requesting the payment in the child's bag until I pick her up from school. I have stopped paying for school books last an this year as I found out the she had been claiming them on the book scheme after I have given have 50% of the cost outlined on the booklist.
As for "cutting back on what I pay to my daughter" The problem there is I don't pay it to my daughter and cannot insure it gets used for her.(and can personally tell you that it in no way costs me even nearly €80pw to "go towards heat, rent or mortgage, food, school costs, etc, etc" for the living costs of any of my children and that's including nappies for my youngest.

@ Comment #13
This is in kind of inline with what I am talking about but I would have no problem with just reducing my payments by half even, rather than stop paying any maintenance.

jum

bobblehead wrote: »

I hate to be the bad guy here, but from my understanding, the amount of child support you pay is based solely on your income it doesn't matter how many extra curricular things, or toys and clothes, you pay for (those are out of the goodness of your heart), nor does it matter how often you see your child. I think you should consider that raising a child as a single parent is not only a lot of work, but also a HUGE expense, and you paying her mother €80 a week is nothing compared to the actual cost of raising a child! You should quit complaining and do your fatherly duty, be thankful you get to see her more than two days a week, and quit complaining that it costs you so much money. The fact that you have two other children makes no difference in the amount of child support you pay for your first child.

Your comment seems very harsh.

If that is the case then I should be paying alot less as when I started making the payments of €80 my wife was working (has since contracted a lifelong illness and is not allowed to work) and I have substantial loss of earning due to the whole "recession" and extra tax's etc.

My main problem really is that I am having to pay €80pw which I am finding even harder to afford to maintain my child and I ccould easily maintain 2 childern for that in my own home.
Trust me I would love nothing more to take my child full time but I know her mother would not allow this and it would not be right to take her away totally from her other sister in her mothers house

Kildrought

@The Valley
Let me try and clarify, since it seems to be unclear...

You cannot possibly know exact expenditure of your brother's former partner - any post to that effect therefore is speculation and not particularly relevant to the OP. So let us put that one to bed now.

it is not down to one party to fully provide for their childs needs

You are quite correct, both parents are legally obliged to support their children.

Child maintenance is determined on both parents income & expenditure; the maximum that can be awarded in District Court is E150 per week per child. Higher amounts can be awarded in Circuit courts.

To the OP, you basically have two choices.

a) Continue paying the court ordered maintenance as is

b) Contact your local District Court for the necessary forms and request a variance; you will need to detail your income & expenditure - the spreadsheet I referenced on www.solo.ie is very useful.

Black Thorn

jum wrote: »

My first child has definitely NOT gone away and I am sickened that you would make a statement to such, as you will see from my first post, I have done nothing during her life but try for more custody

Sorry if it came across as me giving out to you as that is not what I was doing, I was just stating the fact that obviously you and I agree on. Though I have to say that not as many agree on it as you might think! The extra info you gave though about HER situation does add more detail to the picture and helps give a more informed opinion.

lillybelle01

just from the other side, i'm a single mom to a fab 9 month old baby boy.
Financially it is really hard to keep our little family going on a weekly basis.
Before i had my son I worked in a high paid job due to the hours being excessive i couldn't return to my former job as i wouldn't be able to properly care for my son.
My monthly income is now 2101
Expenditureis
Mortgage 975
Car loan 200
Insurance 30
Tax 30
Shopping 300
Clothes for the baby 75
Petrol 200
Childcare 400
Bills 100
So as you can see my income doesn't cover my expenditure!!!!
His dad gives me the whopping total of 60 per wk!!!!!! even though he is earning in the region of 500 per week.....Also he doesn't have a mortgage or car loans.
He is living it up spending every penny of his money on himself is off on his fourth holiday of the year this week while i struggle to make ends meet.
its always a struggle to provide for your children but you just have to make the sacrifices to provide for them in the scale of things 80 per wk is very little compared to the costs of raising babbies!!!

jum

Black Thorn wrote: »

Sorry if it came across as me giving out to you as that is not what I was doing, I was just stating the fact that obviously you and I agree on. Though I have to say that not as many agree on it as you might think! The extra info you gave though about HER situation does add more detail to the picture and helps give a more informed opinion.

No problem no offence taken

jum

lillybelle01 wrote: »

80 per wk is very little compared to the costs of raising babbies!!!

OK so I just want to clear this part up.

People are saying that €80pw is very little towards the price of raising a child,
So if there is anyone that thinks it is costing them €160pw to raise their 7yr old child please comment on how this is as I cannot see what could possibly cost that much pw for her.

In other words,
I am 1 of 2 parents, I take my child almost 50% of the week so IMO I am responsible for 50% of her cost not 100%.
I am already bearing 50% of the cost as I have her 50% of the time but I am still willing to also pay maintenance but I am wondering should it not be at a lower rate due to this?

freedom of info

jum wrote: »

Hi All.

Just wanted to put my situation out here and see what people think of it.

I currently have a 7yr old girl for an ex partner (we split when she was 1yr)
I was doing and apprentice when we split so I could only make payments of €50pw.
I then up'd that to €60 pw.
With the help of a solicitor I got her to sign guardianship papers when she was byres old.
So that's sorted.
I was taken her every Fri or Sat night or at least 1 night a week as I was working the other days
but it would always be for a 24hr period.
After a lot of stress and bickering I eventually got this to 2 days a week mainly 12 Fri to 12 Sun (48hrs)(approx times.)

About 4 years ago I got a better paying job and starting paying €80pw a while after that.
This job is shift based and meant I could no longer take her Fri/Sat but had to skew to take her on Wed to Fri every week (again 48hrs)
I again started to ask for more access as now working shift I had time for it. I asked for 12 Wed to 12 Sat (72hrs) (as I mainly work Sat nights)
This was refused over and over saying unless I could take her on a "going out" i.e Sat or Sun night then I could not have her an extra night.
Eventually with another trip to the solicitor and submitting my shift pattern to him she agreed to the extra night.
I have Since bought a house, gotten married, have a 2yr old child with my wife and we are now expecting another baby
in Oct 09.


Problem is I am starting to find it hard to cope with all the financing at the moment and the €80pw is killing me.

I am wondering is there a set way that payments are worked out in Ireland or is it still as I was told by my solicitor a few years ago that it does not matter that I have my child for half the week I still have to pay as if I only take her for a few hrs on a Saturday.
Surely the fact the my child has full wardrobes of clothes, playrooms stocked with toys and anything else I can provide for her should come into the decision on how much
maintenance payments are. I used to pay half towards everything her mother wanted to get her also but stopped when started getting the feeling I was been doubted.

I pay for dancing lessons and other things the child does during my care and also pay for some other things in school as she won't get to do it if it's left to her mother to pay for it and I wouldn't like to see her left out.

i was in a similar situation for years, if your income is low, and you have a limited spare income, the courts may reduce your payments, your wifes income if any will not be considered,also if your ex is receiving exclusive child support and single mothers allowance the courts may well favour you,

talk to a decent family law solicitor, and keep all receipts,they will be required if you have to go to the family law courts,.

hope this is ofsome help

freedom of info

The Valley wrote: »

Firstly
A detailed letter of expenditure... so you are saying the mother needs to explain how she is spending her payments so you can decide week to week the ammount she should get. Can I put it to you once a payment rate has been agreed the mother can spend it on what she likes, and in most cases the full amount will not be spent on the child. I have kids myself and I would very rarley spend 80 euros a week on a child.

Secondly, In my brothers case he pays 120 euros, which I think is excessive. He pays that to his ex who is living with a nigerian national who does not work. By saying Nigerian national, it could be paddy the pasterer for all I care, i'm just giving you fact, You can choose to take what you want out of that but I beleive that the money he pays goes as much to feed and put clothes on his daughter as it is feed and put clothes on her partner. If my brother does not pay the money he does not get to see his duaghter. I'm sorry I dont have any research to back my self up but i know my brother case is not an isolated one.

Thirdly, if he was to go and try to vary his payments he would probably end up either paying more or seeing his child less again I have no researh.

My advice would be to talk to the mother, explain the situation and try to come to an agreement. If he has a good relationship with her and both are open to seeing it from the other persons side, with the childs best interest in mind it might work. Again I dont have any researh on this but I would say it will be a waste of time

the family law courts are not the tyrants that they used to be, 120 is excessive a good solicitor will be able to fight your brothers corner.

i know several cases where fathers are denied access to their kids, but your brother must fight tooth and nail for access or even joint custody, assuming the personal relationship is poor with the kids mother,

LegacyUser

lillybelle01 wrote: »

just from the other side, i'm a single mom to a fab 9 month old baby boy.
Financially it is really hard to keep our little family going on a weekly basis.
Before i had my son I worked in a high paid job due to the hours being excessive i couldn't return to my former job as i wouldn't be able to properly care for my son.
My monthly income is now 2101
Expenditureis
Mortgage 975
Car loan 200
Insurance 30
Tax 30
Shopping 300
Clothes for the baby 75
Petrol 200
Childcare 400
Bills 100
So as you can see my income doesn't cover my expenditure!!!!
His dad gives me the whopping total of 60 per wk!!!!!! even though he is earning in the region of 500 per week.....Also he doesn't have a mortgage or car loans.
He is living it up spending every penny of his money on himself is off on his fourth holiday of the year this week while i struggle to make ends meet.
its always a struggle to provide for your children but you just have to make the sacrifices to provide for them in the scale of things 80 per wk is very little compared to the costs of raising babbies!!!

You see, your own point alone is working against you as far as i can see....
Expenditureis
Mortgage 975
# Not the fathers responsibility. Does he not have is own mortage.

Car loan 200
#I dont know the value of your car but its at least 2400 if it was a min term loan of 1yr. Did you need this, is the father somehow responsible for this.

Insurance 30
Tax 30
#Both okay and go with owning a car but again have a child does not mean you "have" to have a car.

Shopping 300
#Again okay and the father should contribute towards the parts of this directly accountable to your child.

Clothes for the baby 75
#This seems excessive, as you say baby it under one year, this is excessive in the least unless your buying 10 -20 euro baby outfits and several at that a week.

Petrol 200
Again, you choose to have a car.

Childcare 400
#This one i'm split on, a lot will say if you choose to work why should he pay as you decided to put the child in childcare to facilitate that.

Bills 100
Again, any accountable to the child should be split.

~Not to be seen to be picking on you but my income is 2k exactly a month, i don't have a large car loan because i can't aford it, it seems to me that you see the child maintenance as some sort of sublimental income such as rent, that is not the case, even in your case i would find it hard to see how you spend 240 a month on your child. You hardship financially seems to be down to the fact that you are living beyond your means with your car loans, excessive amount on child clothing and large mortage. I personally pay a mortage of 1100 a month and drive a Punto that cost 600 because that'w what i can afford.

LegacyUser

I'd just like to say i didn't read your post fully before responding and as such correct my positition on some points...

I see the 75 for clothing is monthly and is resonable "enough" but still seems on the high side to myself. I also fail to see how it is relivent that he does not have mortage and that he is on his forth holiday, he choose to rent and you choose to buy, that's his business and as i would see it in no way related to the Child Maintenace costs.

Really the courts should outline in black and white once and for all what is accountable to child maintence, i know you can't live in a one bed with a child but you were not forced and buy and assuming you owned the property before you became preganant i can't see it being his responsibility.

Also does your "income" include the child maintenace of 166 and his 240, if not is you total monthy income now over 2500.

The Valley

@Kildrought
"Child maintenance is determined on both parents income & expenditure"

I Agree, but what about all the agreements that are decided on the steps of the family court through collaborative lawyers
My brothers maintenance is high because his access is good. That was the bargaining chip that was put to him. I would have paid it to but that does not mean I have to agree with it.

I also agree with you 2 choices for Jum...so we are all in agreement

Good luck Jum - will you let me know how it works out

jum

thanks again for all yer replies. As for the options above. I have never been to court or had arrangements made via a court. The payment where agreed at the time between ourselves and i just paid then via a standing order. I don't know where to go from here as i know what the response is going to be if i ask to bring it down and will probably not be able to get option b done as there is no orgincl court order.

lillybelle01

in response to the unregistered guest i would like to point out all of these things are a necessity for my child!!! my child needs a home to live hence the mortgage payments also i need a car to transport my child to doctors appointments creche etc.
also i would like to point out i had all of the above items before i had my son so i have responsibility to pay for all these!!!
on the subject of clothing i think you'll find it is more expensive to clothe your child in the first year of they're life as they are continually growing,
And yes i do need to go to work it is not a choice i need to provide for my son.
My point in all this is i have had to make huge personal sacrifices for my child which i do on a daily basis. I had to leave a job which paid all my bills previously to care for my son properly!!!!
My sons father has no big responsibilities such as a mortgage or car loan also he spends a grand total of 4 hours a week with our son so he has no real costs in regards to access.
It is each parents responsibility to provide half the care,costs and love for a child, this includes housing transport child care feeding clothing and all other costs that the family occurs.
His life has not been changed, he doesn't need to provide a home heating food clothes or anything else our child needs.
This i find to be ridiculous.. If he had custody of our son you can be sure he'd need alot more than 60 euro 0n to his loan parents allowance to provide for our son.

lillybelle01

and yes 2101 is my complete income and as far as i can see you want me to give up my mortgage sell my car stay at home and claim social welfare how is that being a responsible parent i am providing my son with a stable future.
And my point is why should i be penniless while my childs other parent doesn't have to make any sacrifices for our son. He is our son he should provide for him. Both Parents lives should have to change to support their child not just the mothers and i think you'll find that is not the way in this country!!!!!

lillybelle01

in response to the unregistered guest i would like to point out all of these things are a necessity form my child!!! my child needs a home to live hence the mortgage payments also i need a car to transport my child to doctors appointments creche etc.
also i would like to point out i hads all of the above itwems before i had my son so i have responsibility to pay for all these!!!
on the subject of clothing i think you'll find it is more expensive to clothe your child in the first year of they're life as they are continually growing,
And yes i do need to go to work it is not a choice i need to provide for my son.
My point in all this is i have had to make huge personal sacrifices for my child which i do on a daily basis. I had to leave a job which paid all my bills previously to care for my son propperly!!!!
My sons father has no big responsiblities such as a mortgage or car loan also he spends a grand total of 4 hours a week with our son so he has no real costs in regards to access.
It is each parents responsibility to provide half the care,costs and love for a child, this includes housing transport child care feeding clothing and all other costs that the family occurs.
His life has not been changed, he doesn't need to provide a home heating food clothes or anything else our child needs.
This i find to be ridiculous.. If he had custody of our son you can be sure he'd need alot more than 60 euro 0n to his loan parents allowance to provide for our son.

MojoMaker

Leaving all the subsequent bickering about how men don't pay anywhere near enough to mothers for all the *hassle* they inflict on them with kids in the case of the OP it mightn't be a bad idea to return to the clerk's office of the district court and apply to have maintenance reduced on the grounds that you are shouldering more of the primary care of the child as opposed to paying someone else (the mother) to care for the child. It would seem reasonable that her costs have gone down somehwat now that you are taking care of the child 50% of the week now.

The district court application doesn't cost anything - unless you retain a solicitor to assist.

Evolver

Hi All,

I need some suggestions about maintenance of my 4 years old son.

I have asked several times to my ex to provide me her bank details in order to pay an adequate some of money on a weekly basis, but she always refused to do so as she is under one parent family payments.

My questions is : can I talk to the SW office, letting them know that I m willing to pay this money or it's better that I find an alternative agreement with the mother of my son ?

My understanding of this is that she doesn't want to loose the social welfare payments, and this sound unfair for me as father.

She is 41 , student
I m 24 , worker


I have obtain guardianship and access.

Thanks for your help and suggestions guys.

Paddy Cow

Evolver wrote: »

Hi All,

I need some suggestions about maintenance of my 4 years old son.

I have asked several times to my ex to provide me her bank details in order to pay an adequate some of money on a weekly basis, but she always refused to do so as she is under one parent family payments.

My questions is : can I talk to the SW office, letting them know that I m willing to pay this money or it's better that I find an alternative agreement with the mother of my son ?

My understanding of this is that she doesn't want to loose the social welfare payments, and this sound unfair for me as father.

She is 41 , student
I m 24 , worker


I have obtain guardianship and access.

Thanks for your help and suggestions guys.

If your ex won't provide you with bank account details, please get a check book and pay her that way. Do not under any circumstances give her any cash. If she wants cash to cheat the SW system, you will be an accomplice to fraud if she gets caught.

You are also leaving yourself open to her accusing you in the future on not paying maintenance. Without a paper trail you won't have a leg to stand on if she ever claims you paid her nothing.

Evolver

Thanks Paddy Cow for your reply.

I was used to pay by bank drafts as my bank didn't allow me to obtain a check book due to my account type, but she was refusing even those from my hands and I was obliged to leave them under the front door ( with the possibility to be stolen from strangers too )

I have also requested this bank details trough my solicitor without of course obtain nothing , so I m Covered from a legal prospective as I have made my efforts.

But for my son wellness , I was wondering if all this should be dealt in an official way trough the SW or trying to pay this sums no matter the way is.

Thanks again to all.

Paddy Cow

Evolver wrote: »

Thanks Paddy Cow for your reply.

I was used to pay by bank drafts as my bank didn't allow me to obtain a check book due to my account type, but she was refusing even those from my hands and I was obliged to leave them under the front door ( with the possibility to be stolen from strangers too )

I have also requested this bank details trough my solicitor without of course obtain nothing , so I m Covered from a legal prospective as I have made my efforts.

But for my son wellness , I was wondering if all this should be dealt in an official way trough the SW or trying to pay this sums no matter the way is.

Thanks again to all.

Send them by registered post.

I wouldn't go running to social welfare. They are not going to discuss her details with you and she will see it as you dropping her in it and it will cause problems. Stick with the solicitor route, that way you are covered legally. I'm not a legal eagle but keep aside any maintenance she hasn't accepted. I would imagine that if it went to court you would still be obliged to backpay any maintenance owed. I don't know this for sure but if it did happen it would be handy to have saved the maintenance.

Evolver

Thanks again Paddy Cow.

I will anyway post feedbacks in the future to provide insights , info and help to other fathers/mothers in the same situation.

Thanks a lot.