He's on a lads weekend no calls

LegacyUser

Hi.

I was meant to go away with OH on a weekend to his friend who is working in Kerry at a big hotel.

I realised I wouldn't be able to afford the trip if I am to pay rent next week so decided against it during the week. Then, seeing as how I've thought how little time i've spent with the OH over the past month, I decided to change my mind and let him know I wanted to go. But then he said it was too late, that he had asked all his man friends to go with him so it had essentially turned into man weekend. So off he went on Saturday afternoon on the train. On his own. He said he was meeting everyone there. But they all live in Dublin. I didn't ask any questions.

Now. I haven't heard from him other than one missed call he gave me, and all the times I rang back he didn't answer. Nor to my texts ( I sent little messages to update him on how my weekend is going)

Now, I don't plan on giving him any trouble about not calling me. I think if he is on a man weekend he should be allowed be free of me altogether. But it's just, he doesn't seeem to be calling or anything so I don't know.

I'm upset because he isn't contacting me.

Maybe I'm acting like a spoilt girl.

But shouldn't the guy call if he's gone for the first weekend he's had off in god knows how long after having left me here?

sunshine007

Hey there

If you guys are really close and usually do talk nearly every day then fair enough... but if not, I wouldnt find anything worng with it. It is a little rude that he didnt answer your calls, but if he's like a few guys i know, he may not have taken his phone out with him for fear of losing it/getting drunk and ringing you/texting you at all hours of the morning etc.

Dont read to much into it... you will find out more in due course which wont be to much longer of a wait

magicwok

I dont think women will ever trust men, when i go away with the lads for a weekend away i always feel guilty cause i know my girlfriend is constantly worrying what i'm up to, women always seem to think that their OH is cheating on them, ALWAYS, some men will cheat but im sure women do the exact same thing when they go away with the girls for a weekend,

Lorrs33

magicwok wrote: »

I dont think women will ever trust men, when i go away with the lads for a weekend away i always feel guilty cause i know my girlfriend is constantly worrying what i'm up to, women always seem to think that their OH is cheating on them, ALWAYS, some men will cheat but im sure women do the exact same thing when they go away with the girls for a weekend,

And guys like you always assume that that's the first thing we assume when our OHs don't get in contact with us when they're away. The OP called him several times and left him messages and still no word. She's obviously worried that he could be hurt, or she is in fact hurt herself because he hasn't been in contact with her.

OP, you have every right to be concerned, and provided that he isn't hurt, I'd say it to him.

LegacyUser

Hi guys and thank you for the replies. He rang me drunk, a few minutes ago, to say he got a massive room at the hotel that he's staying at, and that he has nobody to share it with. And that he was trying to get through to me earlier to tell me to come down , which is a lie, my phone's been on. The others apparently rang for their other halves and they are there now.

So now, here I am on my own still. And i told him that what I am really upset in a message, because he told me too late to come down, and i have been crying because i feel like he could have have tried harder to get in contact if he really wanted me there.


Am I allowed to be upset?

muboop1

My gf never calls me when I'm away,
I don't know if she wants to, or whatever.

I've never been asked to check in etc...

If she tried to impose such rules... well i wudn't like it!

Its just one weekend!

You will see him when he gets back.

Let him have his weekend!

LegacyUser

Well.

I might be freaking out here but I got no response off him whatsoever after the call when I txt to say I was upset.

I'll probably get dumped over this.

But I think it's really mean of him to say that he didn't want me there because it was all men, then to turn around really late on a sunday evening and ask me to come down because that suddenly "changed", seeing as he knew there'd be no way of me getting down there. And then blaming me for saying I couldn't go during the week.

I feel really stupid and hope he doesn't get too drunk and do something he's going to regret because I got upset at him.

rantyface

It's not a big deal! It was a misunderstanding. You didn't want to insist on going and impose, he didn't want to drag you along on a lad's weekend where you wouldn't fit in. Now the others all brought their OHs and he misses you.

It's disappointing you missed out on the fun, but neither of you did anything mean or wrong. Enjoy your evening alone, sometimes it's nice!

Otis Driftwood

Jesus,paranoid much?

In my humble opinion you are making mountains out of molehills.

ergo

OP you're over-reacting I think

a few points

he did contact you (you got a missed call)

he hasn't got back to you since but he is also drunk and presumably drunker as the night goes on - i know I'm fairly crap at replying to texts when I'm drinking - especially awkward ones from upset people miles away

forget about it tonight - no point worrying over something you've no control over and talk to him tomorrow

puglover

OP My advice is calm down,go to bed and forget about it.

Your mind is running away with you now and you really are being overly paranoid.

It's just a mis-understanding, sure it's disappointing that you are missing out but, no point crying over spilled milk.

LegacyUser

Thank you for the replies.


Yes yes I agree I am overdoing it with worry and thinking about it etc etc etc...



I just feel let down. I hadn't seen him for ages, he's been working really hard since the past two months and hasn't been home for more than 24hours at a time really. And on his days off he's in the land of nod and too tired. He comes home drunk and falls asleep after work then wakes up and is gone before me the next day.

I miss him.

And him being far from me is hurting me because I could have gone. And when i talked to him I said "i love you" at the end of the conversation and he went "yeah grand bye" .

I read into this too much. But if i haven't seen him for a long time and he then rings saying I could have come down feels like he's dangling something over my head that i want but can't get to.

lolli

You need to talk to him and tell him how you feel. You guys need to spend time together otherwise your relationship won;t last.

I wouldn't worry too much about this weekend, hes probably just had a few drinks.

How long are you's together?

LegacyUser

Hi thank you for the replies again,
almost 2 years now together.


I'm convinced something has come to head and that's why I feel like this.


I am so tired of not seeing him, I see his clothes more! On the floor waiting on me to wash them!

shellyboo

myboy wrote: »

I just feel let down. I hadn't seen him for ages, he's been working really hard since the past two months and hasn't been home for more than 24hours at a time really.

myboy wrote: »

I am so tired of not seeing him, I see his clothes more! On the floor waiting on me to wash them!

Hang on, you were the one who changed the plans at the last minute - you backed out of a weekend away that you had planned together. You know you were going, would you not have made sure you had the money to go, no?

You created this situation by backing out and leaving your fella in the lurch, I'm not one bit surprised that he decided to go with the lads instead... and you're wallowing a bit too much in self-pity for someone who caused this whole thing to begin with.

You said you didn't want to go, and you're not there. You asked for this. Your boyfriend tried to patch it up by asking you to come down after all, and you're STILL upset. Fair enough, you wish you were there - but this is your fault, not his. It's yourself you should be annoyed at.

LegacyUser

You need to stop over reacting!!
My fella is just after stumbling through the door from a stag in London. He's been gone since Friday morning and i hadnt heard from him till i got Goodmorning when he walked into the kitchen 5 minutes ago.
They came home to Dublin last night and i'm presuming found a pub by the head on him now. I wasnt worried, i was kinda worried about him but i wasnt going to ruin his weekend by playing the nagging girlfriend. Nor am i going to ask what happened on the stag, its a boys night out and im certain i wont get told everything anyway - like us on a girls break do you tell your OH everything that happens???? I know in my heart he didnt cheat on me because he loves me regardless of how drunk he was he is now stupid.
Let us know the outcome of your drama.

muboop1

agree with shellyboo...

You left him last minute so he invited his mates.

That was your bad not his.

He got locked and decided he missed you so told you to come down...
You realise that although this wasn't likely or possible at the time he was drunk yeh?
Logic didn't even come into it!

Your issues with ~not seeing him are a totally different issue to this weekend.

Don't fool yourself thinking that its anything else.

This is you(s?) having an underlying problem in the relationship and taking it out on him without even realising it probably!

Also, sending him a serious message saying your upset when he's on a lads weekend just isn't on! Especially when YOU created the scenario! You might of wrecked the weekend, or created much bigger problems then you had.

Sounds to me like you didn't want to go at all, and when you realised he was going to go without you got jealous and were able to go??

Grow up!
Cop on!

Nitxteha

When a man really loves you and respects you, he always takes your calls and/or return your messages and let you know what he's up to before you even ask.

In a situation like yours, women can decide to look other way and "pretend" everything's ok ..or not.

I really don't understand why women nowadays set their standards so low as for what they can get out of a relationship.

It looks like men are in control now more than ever before, "if he wants to go out get drunk and switch his telephone off, fair enough..boys will be boys...don't be a nagger or a head-wrecker"

Howevery girls will be girls and they are going to suffer putting up with this crap...

shellyboo

Nitxteha wrote: »

When a man really loves you and respects you, he always takes your calls and/or return your messages and let you know what he's up to before you even ask.

That's not true at all... my partner is my partner, not my child, and I am not his mother.

She knows where he is, she knows the hotel he's staying at. It's not practical to be in touch with someone 24/7, letting them know your every movement. In the days before mobile phones, do you think gfs/wives would be calling the hotel every few hours looking for their fella and expect him to come running? Not likely.

A bit of space is necessary to keep a relationship from going stale - not to mention being allowed your independence.

ellie1

i think if your in a relationship and going away for a weekend, you should have the decency to text or ring your oh and let them know how you are getting on. It dosent mean your a nag etc.

its different if you are constantly ringing your oh when they are away, thats just annoying. But a text or a phonecall to let them know how your getting on is the decent thing to do.

However, if your obsessing about him cheating etc then you clearly need to work on your own insecurities.

muboop1

Nitxteha wrote: »

When a man really loves you and respects you, he always takes your calls and/or return your messages and let you know what he's up to before you even ask.

In a situation like yours, women can decide to look other way and "pretend" everything's ok ..or not.

I really don't understand why women nowadays set their standards so low as for what they can get out of a relationship.

It looks like men are in control now more than ever before, "if he wants to go out get drunk and switch his telephone off, fair enough..boys will be boys...don't be a nagger or a head-wrecker"

Howevery girls will be girls and they are going to suffer putting up with this crap...

Ah this is a load of rubbish!

I love my gf and respect her, and will always try accomodate her.

But, feck it, its bad form on her and disrespectful to call me when she knows i will be out on the tear with the lads. She can call me any other time, she lives with him etc...

She see's him all the time, let him have his fun with his mates!

If she was on a girl weekend i'm sure she wouldn't appreciate him calling her!

Also for record, drunk and in a club or pub means might not hear phone, might have no reception if down country etc...

I really don't understand why women nowadays set their standards so low as for what they can get out of a relationship.

It looks like men are in control now more than ever before, "if he wants to go out get drunk and switch his telephone off, fair enough..boys will be boys...don't be a nagger or a head-wrecker"

Stop being a tool...
Years ago this didnt happen, why? i dunno maybe phones weren't as widely available?

If you went to the pub with the lads a few years ago the gf wouldn't of been able to ring. And ya know what? I'd say she would be damn fine with it then!

It's that nowadays we are so contactable at all times of the day, and expected to be so. That if we aren't contactable for one night all hell breaks loose...

Years ago that wasn't a problem and relationships worked fine!
Our generation who have priorities wrong.

You love and respect and share your life with each other, live together etc. Can you not be allowed to enjoy some private times with mates?

LegacyUser

Well yeah I don't mind what he does with his friends.

I was relieved when he did call but then he told me that all his friends' girlfriends had come down because they rang them yesterday morning, and he left it til 20:50 to ring me when all the trains and buses had finished up for the evening. Then he told me I should have argued with him on the Friday when I realised I would be able to afford the trip.

I may have over reacted yes. And I may be insecure.

But he explicitly told me "no way" on Friday but then on sunday night he changed his mind when he knew it would have been impossible for me to come down. Yet everyone else had been called well ahead of time and were there.

Nitxteha

muboop1, that's great if it works for you and your girlfriend and I respect it.

But it can not work for many people, many girls specially, and that's why you get these unregistered post here in boards every single weekend.

They are only afraid to raise up the subject with their partners because they knwo they are going to get an answer in the lines of your post.

I never said that it's ok for a woman to constantly call the man or control where he is, what I meant is that she should not have to have the need or the worry.

John Mason

Nitxteha wrote: »

When a man really loves you and respects you, he always takes your calls and/or return your messages and let you know what he's up to before you even ask.

In a situation like yours, women can decide to look other way and "pretend" everything's ok ..or not.

I really don't understand why women nowadays set their standards so low as for what they can get out of a relationship.

It looks like men are in control now more than ever before, "if he wants to go out get drunk and switch his telephone off, fair enough..boys will be boys...don't be a nagger or a head-wrecker"

Howevery girls will be girls and they are going to suffer putting up with this crap...

what a load of tosh

when my oh goes away with the lads, i wouldnt dream of calling but likewise, he wouldnt call me and i would be bloody annoyed if i was getting a load of text messages and phone calls and would definately not answer any of his calls

this mobile business being contactable 24/7 does my head in, i rarely even take my mobile out with me when i go out.

it is rude to the other people you are with.

op you need to relax and stop with the text messages, i would also suggest you sit down with your partner and discuss where your relationship is heading as you sound unhappy with the relationship

muboop1

Nitxteha wrote: »

muboop1, that's great if it works for you and your girlfriend and I respect it.

But it can not work for many people, many girls specially, and that's why you get these unregistered post here in boards every single weekend.

They are only afraid to raise up the subject with their partners because they knwo they are going to get an answer in the lines of your post.

I never said that it's ok for a woman to constantly call the man or control where he is, what I meant is that she should not have to have the need or the worry.

I have to say, your tone has changed a lot from your other post...

If you have to contact your OH all the time, you have to figure out why?
This isn't normal, it's needy and unattractive an a pain in the ass!

Likely its just become a habit(i had a relationship just like this).
And if we couldn't contact each other it was such a big deal.. really it wasn't we were just so used to it it was basically the unknown!

By your logic, these people wouldn't of been able to survive 20 years ago when mobiles didn't exist!

I will admit its totally our cultures fault for the most part, always have a phone, on facebook etc...
But that doesn't make it right!

what I meant is that she should not have to have the need or the worry

This is totally correct!
Why did she call him?
Did she need to?
Convenience?
She had talked to him that day or day before...
she would be seeing him in a day or two,
She knew exactly where he was.
What he was doing
Who he was with.

Honestly, this is silly like!
I get that she may of been lonely and wanted to...
But she should of considered his feelings before giving into her own
maybe he isn't available, in fact she probably knew he wouldn't be available or coherent to talk to anyway.

What was her end game?

She plays the sympathy card that she never gets to see him... but...
He did after all invite her first and she said no!

She's to inconsistent!
I cant go, alright love, ill invite the lads. *invites lads*
Oh actually i'v decided i can go??
Logic and consistency is lacking.

Look OP, just get over it.
It's not a big deal.
Maybe try wean yourself off the need to have contact with him all the time, or have a good hard look at why you need to have contact with him all the time.

I love ringing my gf, but id rather a good evening with her then 4 days of phone calls anytime...
And the time would probably work out the same...
Phone is a poor substitute for the real thing.

I wish you the best of luck

muboop1

myboy wrote: »

Well yeah I don't mind what he does with his friends.

I was relieved when he did call but then he told me that all his friends' girlfriends had come down because they rang them yesterday morning, and he left it til 20:50 to ring me when all the trains and buses had finished up for the evening. Then he told me I should have argued with him on the Friday when I realised I would be able to afford the trip.

I may have over reacted yes. And I may be insecure.

But he explicitly told me "no way" on Friday but then on sunday night he changed his mind when he knew it would have been impossible for me to come down. Yet everyone else had been called well ahead of time and were there.

Sorry for double post, i just noticed this post do.
You admit he was locked, he probably didn't realise it was impossible for you? Might not of even known what time it was!

The other lads brought their gf's, but he didn't know they were going to!
Look you need to remember, initially he invited YOU! YOU backed out.
He made other plans.

If the lads gf's all decided to come down on the Sunday thats fair enough, But that doesn't mean he was aware this was the plan until last minute! Possibly why he only told you last minute!

For record, he was right to tell you to not come down on the Friday...You left him hanging like... So he arranged a lads weekend!

The rules changed and he tried to include you...
Granted to late. But he did try.
Plus its only one night.

You want quality time with him im guessing form your other post...
Him locked is hardly quality time!
Arrange something proper for you 2 another weekend and make sure you both are financially prepared for it.

helimachoptor

When GFs etc were away or i was away i never "check in" or get them to "check in". I see them enough so they can go have a weekend without me. He doesnt report to you op!

LegacyUser

A thank you to all those who replied and made me see the light here!

I got through to him on Monday night and apologized for how I reacted. He was cool about it and didn't say anything about it.

But yes, I had a good hard think about all those opinions and realized I was being childish. And that yes, I maybe need to get a hobby and occupy my time by other means. And I've learned something.

So now I've told him, whenever he's working or with his friends he's uncontactable unless it's an emergency or I win the lottery. Which probably won't happen too soon anyway.

So I thank you for the replies, you truly made me see where my insecurities lie, and it's way better than spending 80euro on a counselor to tell me that (and try sell my some Dr Phil books..)!

I owe ye all a round.

Lady Muck

To be fair though in the days before mobiles, lads weekends weren't really a done thing. it is very popular these days and unfortunately they come with a bad reputation. All women worry I am sure, it is just some don't let it bother them as much as others.

It is only because you love them and wouldn't like to think they are doing the dirty. But having said that, ringing them wouldn't stop them so it is best to give the good girlfriend impression by not calling and texting.

When my man went away for the weekend, he never stopped calling me and I thought it would be the other way round. I was being cool and trying not to worry and didn't text and he kept calling saying how much he missed me, granted he was rat arsed the whole time but it was still nice!