Jealous and in-secure.. Am I fixable?

LegacyUser

Hey guys!

I have a problem, im a jealous and insecure guy. I am very in secure about my girlfriend. What she does and who with(male friends!). Now I think its my own insecurities causing this, cause I dont want to lose her, and im new in the relationship business.

I never show that I am worried or bothered by it all, to everyone else im easy going and totally secure. But on the inside I am not, I really dont like feeling bad about these situations. I know she wouldnt cheat, and I do trust her. Its just my mind will make up things and i will end up convincing myself that she will cheat.

I dont feel like i can talk to her about it, it will only make me look insecure and honestly I dont think I can tell her who to talk to and who to see. Thats not right.

I need to know if there is a cure? or something that can help me. Im going to a councilor at the moment, but i was wondering if there was any advice from people like me?

NickNolte

My best advice would be to talk to a psychiatrist about your problem.

Coffee Addict

Why not tell her how you feel?
Maybe hearing her say she would never do that to you, is what you need to hear?

MJOR

Paul McKenna has a book out called instant confidence.. have a read of it and see what you think. You know you're being irrational so that ia a good starting point

veganfriendly

I'm a little like this too, I'm my own worst enemy. You need to tell her how your feeling as that won't do any harm. If she cares for you she will be open and honest and put your mind at ease, she may even share your worries. If she doesn't get jealous herself you need to remind yourself that these concerns about cheating are your own issues which you need to work through. Its good that your working through your issues with a professional. Ultimatley your jealousy issues stem from your own feelings of inadequacy, try to focus on your good points instead.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

Hey guys!

I have a problem, im a jealous and insecure guy. I am very in secure about my girlfriend. What she does and who with(male friends!). Now I think its my own insecurities causing this, cause I dont want to lose her, and im new in the relationship business.

I never show that I am worried or bothered by it all, to everyone else im easy going and totally secure. But on the inside I am not, I really dont like feeling bad about these situations. I know she wouldnt cheat, and I do trust her. Its just my mind will make up things and i will end up convincing myself that she will cheat.

I don't feel like i can talk to her about it, it will only make me look insecure and honestly I don't think I can tell her who to talk to and who to see. Thats not right.

I need to know if there is a cure? or something that can help me. Im going to a councilor at the moment, but i was wondering if there was any advice from people like me?

Hi OP.

I really suggest that you go to see someone about this. This will not go away with some reassurance. It is a corrosive and damaging frame of mind that will destroy every relationship you ever enter unless and until you tackle it.

Accepting that you have a problem is a HUGE step, I believe, and this will help you tackle it immensely. Many others who come here to Boards don't even accept that they have a problem.

All the best.

Nervous Wreck

Coffee Addict wrote: »

Why not tell her how you feel?
Maybe hearing her say she would never do that to you, is what you need to hear?

I'd advise against this. Saying that to someone is obviously going to trigger the "I'd never cheat on you" response. It wouldn't really make a difference but it could potentially start a pattern of reassurance seeking that will damage this and future relationships. If you need to ask, you have a problem. But asking won't fix it.

LegacyUser

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

I'd advise against this. Saying that to someone is obviously going to trigger the "I'd never cheat on you" response. It wouldn't really make a difference but it could potentially start a pattern of reassurance seeking that will damage this and future relationships. If you need to ask, you have a problem. But asking won't fix it.

Hi OP here
Thanks for the replies.

I agree, I have asked before but only due to a certain situation. If I was to bring it up to the full extent, I would get "you dont trust me" line. even though I do trust her, I just find it hard. If she goes on a night out without me, I would rather not hear about it as it would send me crazy!

I was told by a professional that its good to have some jealously and insecurity as it keeps us on our toes and helps us, but mine goes beyond normality. As veganfriendly said above it could stem from my own feelings of inadequacy, which would explain why I priase her a lot, and say shes better than me etc...

Im not sure sometimes, its very headwrecking and it takes a lot outta me, stress wise. But I am determined to get through this!

VaioCruiser

Hi OP.

Yes you are right .. a little bit of jealousy is good in life. This is normal. As you say it keeps us on our toes and makes sure we treat our partners well.

What matters is what we do with this feeling. We should be using it to treat our partners well and remind us of how lucky we are to have them.

It is when it starts to interfere with our relationship that trouble starts. Suspicion, lack of trust, accusations, explanations, anxiety ..... all these things start to corrode relationships. Yes there are many people who live this in all of their relationships and claim that it is normal. However if you start looking at the success of these relationships I believe you will find that they simply don't last. Jealousy eats away at relationships.

All the best.