Have been chatting to a guy online but

LegacyUser

He grew up in a Muslim country. I assume he is Muslim. He describes himself as spirtual not religious. He seems nice but I can't help but think I shouldn't get involved. Even if he doesn't practice his religion surely growing up in a Muslim country will have had a major effect on his views and treatment of women! What do you think?

Gregor Samsa

Why not ask him about his views and treatment of women?

What's the point of making assumptions? Do you think that once he heard your were from Ireland that he automatically thinks you're a read-headed Catholic alcoholic Angolophobe?

LegacyUser

hey, my friend started seeing a guy just like ur guy with muslim regilion and that, but he was very overpowerig in that he tried to control her when talking to other guys.he even gave out to my gay friend when she satrted talkin to him. he even called her best friends names. this all in one nite when it was her bday and every1 was 2geter,she stop seeing him that nite. she believes he acted that why cause of wat he believed in.

sisco

Ya Just Ask Him

Terodil

Asking him such a bland question like 'how do you see women' is not going to help. Cultural values like that are usually buried deep and not necessarily religious in nature. All you'll get is probably some kind of mash-up of commonly said pc phrases.

OP, nothing is going to give you security here. I'd suggest to take it slow and carefully with him and also to take a look at his parents and how they behave. There's no way you can assume he is like his father -- he may have completely transcended their way of thinking. But chances are that if the family is very traditional, he may have subconsciously assumed the same value system and will need to battle it at every step.

Just be a bit careful.

LegacyUser

My dad grew up in a muslim country and was brought up muslim but is non-religious. He eats pork and never prays or go to the mosque, he wouldn't dream of telling me to wear modest clothes. My mum is catholic and he had no prob with her bringing me up catholic.

LegacyUser

I dated a North African Muslim guy. He's moderately religious - prays, observes Ramadan, doesn't eat pork, etc. I respected his beliefs and customs; and he mine.

Our relationship was pretty casual. He's pretty much focused on finding a girl to marry and have kids with; and I knew this from the start. We split about after a year, he was ready to move on in life and find a girl to settle down with; I'm not ready for any of that. Cultural differences, I guess. We split amicably and we still care about each other. During our relationship, he didn't treat me any differently than anyone else has.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Unregistered wrote: »

He grew up in a Muslim country. I assume he is Muslim. He describes himself as spirtual not religious. He seems nice but I can't help but think I shouldn't get involved. Even if he doesn't practice his religion surely growing up in a Muslim country will have had a major effect on his views and treatment of women! What do you think?

Get to know him. What issues do you have with Muslim's treatment of women, have a good think about that and then discuss the ones you'd be worried about with him and get his opinions.

LegacyUser

OP here. I get the impression he thinks I am more traditional that I am. I found it a little strange that he told me he has never had a girlfriend the second time we chatted (although I shouldn't. There have been loads of posts here by people in similar situation).

cruizer101

You could try bring up various issues in conversation that might give you clues to how liberal he is. Of the top of my head( and its not a great example tbh but might give you the idea) bring up the idle conversation the parnership bill thing going on at the moment. If he is all for gay marraige you can presume his views are fairly relaxed and not strongly muslim, if not.. well its not as clear I know people here who would treat women with full respect but would be against gay marraige.

Anyway, my point is by chatting to him about everyday stuff you should be able to get a decent idea of how liberal or not he is.

LegacyUser

How old are you? And what are you looking for in a relationship?

If you're young, and just want to experience it, then why not. There's good advice from previous posters above.

If you're older and thinking about a potential life partner, then be very careful. Understand what you are potentially getting in to. According to Islan, muslim men are allowed to marry Christian women, but very many families would be opposed to it. If the marriage does happen, the woman is not obliged to convert to Islam. In practice after the marriage, many husbands put pressure on their wives to convert. Also any children must be raised as muslims.

Now, I know the Catholic teaching is actually similar to this in theory, but in practice most Catholic societies are nowadays flexible on this (although this was not the case 50 years ago). In contrast in most Muslim cultures, this is still considerably important to most families and taken seriously. There are many stories of muslim men saying that they're moderate in their religious outlook, but when it comes to marriage, they're put under huge pressure by their families to get their wife-to-be to convert to Islam first.

That's not to say that it can't work. But you need to be aware of these issues from the word go, and to discuss them early on in a relationship.

S-Murph

The thing I would be wary of is that Muslim men may have an alternate agenda - and one they keep secret from you. That agenda is to go back home and have an arranged marriage, for religious reasons, family reasons or both, later on in life- and may use you in the meantime. There is a tendency for this to happen, and I find it quite manipulative and deceptive.

That said, and like everyone, there are genuine Muslim men out there too. There is generally no problem in the way they treat you. Many would say better. Most while here are not that strict on their religious practice either. But later on in life they might decide to change that.

Their religion is nothing to worry about really though. Its the persons sincerity that matters.