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one day till friends wedding and just been let down by partner

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  • 21-08-2009 5:07pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    will try to make this short and straight.
    my other half text yesterday morning he must do a work course on saturday.
    my friends wedding is on saturday 18 months notice so i am so angry.

    I thought he was only winding me up so did not realy take much notice. i was busy all day with driving relations around shopping to think about it.

    but this morning i text him and he said he told me and thats that.
    he can not go.
    i am so pissed of at him to the point of finishing our 6 yr relationship.
    there have been a few things but i brush them along and have been very understanding twords some of his problems. he would not always be in to meeting lots of people whom he would not know and not into drinking.

    a few weeks ago we were to go away for a weekend and spent a saturday together and got a phone call and had to do work stuff on the sunday.
    it just seems to be one thing after an other and we just dont go out or spend time together, i am often jellous of seening happy couples out and about and some times think about being single as being easyer.

    so how does one go to a wedding on their own ?
    and do i ring my friends mom to invite some one else to take his place. i hate the waste.


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    #2
    ManOfMystery
    Registered Users Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭ManOfMystery


    You need to have a conversation with your OH about his priorities and where they lie. If I was invited to a wedding and then got called in to a work 'course' at the last minute (hardly sounds like an emergency), I would simply say no and tell them I have a wedding to attend.

    You need to find out why he didn't do this and why he places more importance on the work thing than attending a social function with you. It's all about making an effort.


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    #3
    Oh The Humanity
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,324 ✭✭✭Oh The Humanity


    No.

    That is not acceptable.

    If work approached and asked him to do a course at that short notice which I do not believe for one second, his response should have been 'No, Im sorry I have a non breakable commitment' end of story.

    Somethings rotton here. Speak to him again and tell him you don't accept the work story, no workplace springs a course on you at that short notice, sure people have children -how would they get babysitters so quickly?

    I dont believe him. Go and get to the bottom of this. Dig and nose until you can prove its a lie and then let the bowels of hell open.

    I would be incandescent with rage if he tried to pull this stunt on me.

    Firstly as he is going to let you go to the wedding alone looking like a tool.

    and

    Secondly that he thinks you are a gullible fool that would swallow a brick sideways.

    Read him the riot act.


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    #4
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    In fairness, weddings are fine as far as they go but Irish weddings can be a bit boring if you don't drink.

    So maybe you can asking him about going to the church and the meal and be there for the photos and he could then slip away.

    You do say his shy so he probably is not very assertive and is unable rather than unwilling to say no in a work situation or it could be an exit strategy to get out of social situations.

    So yes I do think you need to discuss it with him and get some kind of a strategy together to deal with it and throwing a hissy fit wont do that.Thats the ideal as if its a phobia or assertive thing that he lacks skills for he may need help.

    For tommorrow just say something like he has the flu and it would be unfair of him to go. People won't pass comment.


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    #5
    TPD
    Registered Users Posts: 7,814 ✭✭✭TPD


    You have to realise that he is probably quite anxious about keeping his job. I hate the term, but in this 'current economic climate', people are being laid off. Maybe your OH is just thinking in the long term?


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    #6
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    tbh i have two weddings in the next 3 days and if i got a call to go into work tonight, i would gladly not go to either wedding.

    as was already said in this economic climate your bf is doing the right thing.

    by ex dropped out of two weddings at the last minute because of work, which was a pain but i completely understand why.

    i know its a pain but hardly a dumpable offence


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    #7
    VaioCruiser
    Closed Accounts Posts: 750 ✭✭✭VaioCruiser


    It's easy to condemn him... but these days work is precious and we have to do stuff we wouldn't ordinarily do ... :confused:

    On going to the wedding ... OF COURSE you can go with your friends, alone. Why on earth not ? Go and have a great time !!


    All the best


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    #8
    OS119
    Registered Users Posts: 2,518 ✭✭✭OS119


    Unregistered wrote: »

    so how does one go to a wedding on their own ?

    err... easily. you drive there, open the door, walk in. you'll get it, just watch other people and follow their lead...

    you never made clear whether you believe your boyfriend has a choice about whether to go on the course or whether to respond while 'on-call' - i mean a real choice, not 'you can turn-up, or you join the dole queue' - which suggests to me that actually he doesn't have any real choice, and that you're problem is that you haven't quite grasped what 'on-call' means and are taking this failing out on him.

    if you're seriously thinking about dumping him after a six year relationship because he puts paying his mortgage above 'what everyone'll think' at someone else's social event, then i'd say you're doing him a favour.


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    #9
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Just a thought but does the whole idea of weddings make him nervous and have you been discussing the issue?


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    #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    CDfm wrote: »
    Just a thought but does the whole idea of weddings make him nervous and have you been discussing the issue?



    hi, OP here,
    yea that crossed my mind all year long. !!!
    I would hope not , its not something I want and he knows that.
    we have sorta talked about that.
    as I have bought my own place and he has his.
    but he was as I was all excited about the 2 nights away in a hotel ( i paid for ).
    my dress and helping me into and out of it & haveing a break away.
    excited about seeing one another as we dont very often.

    thankyou to every one whom has posted I am off to bed and hope there is some sunshine in the morning to start me off all bright and new.


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    #11
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I have sympathy with him. I went to five weddings in 2005 with my ex, each to people I didn't know and each costing me over €200 between gifts and hotels. €200 to sit and have dinner with strangers.

    After yet another invite, I said no, I wasn't going to that one.

    It was getting way out of hand and I was sick of it, frankly. She took huge offence to it and I heard from a friend later that it was one of the reasons we split.

    I have no regrets though. I resented paying a grand a year to attend weddings of complete strangers and had the feeling we were invited as a couple only to finance the wedding.

    Maybe he's feeling the same way I did?


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    #12
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    UncleStan wrote: »
    I have sympathy with him. I went to five weddings in 2005 with my ex, each to people I didn't know and each costing me over €200 between gifts and hotels. €200 to sit and have dinner with strangers.

    After yet another invite, I said no, I wasn't going to that one.

    It was getting way out of hand and I was sick of it, frankly. She took huge offence to it and I heard from a friend later that it was one of the reasons we split.

    I have no regrets though. I resented paying a grand a year to attend weddings of complete strangers and had the feeling we were invited as a couple only to finance the wedding.

    Maybe he's feeling the same way I did?

    OP here again,

    I see where your point of view comes from. But I have not been asked to any other wedding this year. nor has he. we were looking forward to the weekend. I did not force it on him I think. i guess maybe work stuff came up and he could not tell me till last minuite as he thought he could get out of it.


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