I'v lost friends alienated people.

lainey_m

Hmm... where to start! Heres a little bit of backround
Ok so iv been going out with a guy named Chris for 3yrs now (we started going out when we were 17) and we’ve decided to break up. We love each other and we’d happily stay together for another 3 years but realistically we’re far too young to be getting any more serious and at the end of the day i always knew we’d have to break up at some point as its prob not the healthiest thing to stay with someone for so long so young. We’ve both come to this conclusion so its a very amicable split. We havnt officially broken up yet as were just enjoying the last of the summer together but then we are both starting courses in different colleges (just to add that we are not splitting because we’ll be off in college, as we were both in college before in separate places and it never put a strain on us).
We’ve decided to still stay in contact and hopefully stay friends, i know everyone says that but in this case im confident as its not a bitter split and i considered him my best friend before anything else. Also i think our personalities will help as were both really laid back and easygoing (weve probably had 3 fights in our whole relationship!!). the whole thing just makes me sad but i know its for the best !
I get along really well with all his friends, i consider them all good friends of mine. I think its because me and Chris never fought and we considered each other as best friends too. Im not the most girly girl either, i love camping and hate chick flicks so that prob helps! Anyway when chris and i spoke about breaking up i realised id also be losing friends because at the end of the day they are his friends and im his girlfriend (i should mention that they go to college where he is going and chris will be living with some of them. I know that if me and chris manage to build a good friendship after all this they will be my friends too but friends with limits! As in talk to me if im there but wouldn’t care if i wasn’t there. I mean im not stupid, i knew thats the way things would end up its just hitting home now and i just feel a bit let down because iv spent so much time hanging out with them all. I dono maybe things will end up ok.
Also at the beginning of the relationship i specifically remember saying to a friend that ‘i wont turn into one of those girls that ditches their friends for their boyfriend’... but it seems i have, and its only hitting home now. All the friends i have from school, i barely talk to anymore. Not that we have fallen out, i just slowly drifted from them. Two of my best friends from school have moved (one to England and one to Cyprus), so iv decided to make an effort to email them more and make sure i see them when their home. But theres a couple other girls that i used to be good friends with that i still see around and i would talk to, but i don’t think we have much in common anymore, some of chris’s friends know them too and haven’t exactly spoken of them kindly, as in they think they are slags and wondered why i was ever friends with them! Sometimes i think that the things chris’s friends have said about the girls has influenced my opinion on them, which i know isn’t fair. And of course i don’t want to be a hypocrite coz some of chrs’s friends are right man whores and im still friends with them!!

i supose what im trying to say is that this break up will be hard and i know that chris's friends arnt going to let him sit around and be sad and he will be able to talk to them about everything, but i feel like i dont have the same thing. theres no shoulder to cry on that knows chris as well as chris's friends know me, and its kinda lonely.

Well this has been a long rant! Im not sure why im even posting this as there is no real question i want answered but i needed to vent !
If anyone has or is going through something similar please post
Lainey!

Boskowski

Sorry for being a guy and replying to this in the ladies lounge, but I couldn't help myself.

So you're together with this guy for 3 years and all is fine, you get along like a house on fire. Could easily last for another 3 years or even for a lifetime or for just a fortnight. But you decided to split up anyway.
And since your friends are also his friends, and may even have been his friends before they became your friends, you also think you can never meet them again?

Is this what you young people do these days? This is a genuine question. Cos it doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense to me tbh. Any of it. In every respect.

idunnoutellme

ye i dont get it either - why would you want to break up with someone who is perfect for you. I hate when people say well you need to go around and try different things with different people - but then you'll find out its actually hard to find people out there who are so easy to get on with.
I'm sure you will find loads of friend in college or get in touch with old friends - I only ever hear from old friends when they become single again actually

iguana

I agree with the other replies why break up a relationship that's working? There is no magic age to meet the right person, no specific amount of experience that you must have before you can settle down. Relationships work or fail for lots of reasons, just because most first loves break up doesn't mean they all will. Some people with lots of experience before they marry still end up divorced and some people marry their teen love and stay happily together for the rest of their lives.

Are you genuinely only breaking up because you think you are supposed to? Nobody knows if a relationship will work forever, they only know if it is working right now. And if it's honestly working for both of you right now ending it seems very odd.

Faith

Yeah, I too can't understand why you're breaking up just because you think you should. That makes no sense to me. 20 or 30, it sounds like you've met someone you could happily marry. Why are you throwing that away?

Frankiestylee

I don't think anybody can know the ins and outs of your relationship so if you've thought long and hard about the break-up then that's the way it's going to go, but what I would say is that many people have found their "friends for life" in college so I wouldn't stress too much on that front. I've been in a similar position where I suddenly realised that a few of my good friends were clearly in the other half's camp, and it's quite hard to have to constantly remind yourself that they're "their" friends.

Also... if you guys are great together ye might quickly realise it's been a mistake. Some of the happiest couples I know are friends who've been going out since school and are now getting married etc years later.

MJOR

When you go to college you will make new friends. That's a start.
I'm not sure why you decided to breakup but obviously you had your reasons. Chin up and just focus on your course and maybe get a part time job where you'll also meet people. I hope your plans to stay friends with your ex works. When one of you decides to start dating again it might be pretty awkward.

emma82

Its tough one this, I agree with other posters in I can't see why you broke up but each to their own. Some of my best friends that have great relationships have been going out since they were 16, 17, 18. Myself and OH have been going out since I'm 19 and we're getting married 2011. (I went to uni in UK for 3yrs & had a ball- whilst going out with my OH) Some people think they are missing out on a 'great life' if they stay with someone they met young but I disagree if it works it works.

As for the friends thing this hard, you are going to college so that'll help out & you'll meet new people there- if you want to. Friends are friends and if you feel/think its ok to hang out with your ex's/your friends then cool. I personally don't think that friends should be labelled as 'mine or yours' friends are friends thats it.

Good Luck lady- head up, best smile on and walk. ;)

Jules

Moved from tLL.

Mr Benevolent

Let me get this straight. You want to break up because you both think you're too young even though you're both 20 and in a great relationship? Doesn't sound too sensible to me.

KiLLeR CoUCh

For Christ sakes, if it's not broken don't fix it. I'm sure you have your reasons and all but you haven't outlined any solid ones for breaking up in your post.

If you've drifted from friends, make the effort to get back in touch. If they're worth the weight they'll be glad to hear from you. There are plenty of reasons people drift. I have many very good friends I have problems staying in touch with because we're either in relationships or busy with work/college. That doesn't stop us from getting on like a house on fire when we're back together, nor would we hold it against each other, we're old enough to know at this stage it's not a personal slight if we don't see each other, it's just life.

As other posters have said if you're going to college you'll find your niche there and make some new friends. Best of luck.

Wagon

So you were really happy and then broke up because apperently society thinks 20 is too young to be in a happy relationship...and that you have to shag other people just because you are in college....thats pretty stupid.

dirtydress

You have to think of this as a tough lesson to learn. The exact same thing happened to me, was with someone for 3 years and broke up and realised that all our friends were originally his friends so i was edged out of the group. Its really hard and chances are it'll be a tough next few months but you will get through it. Don't make the mistake of seeing it as a reason you should get back with your boyfriend which is so easy to do.

Starting college is a great opportunity, i was just finishing college which made it harder, just make sure you put yourself out there, join up with societies, do sports etc dont wallow in sadness. Good luck

redfacedbear

Leaving aside the question of whether you should be breaking up or not. I think it is quite likely that you whould have drifted from your other friends any way. It often happens when you move on from school and go in separate directions that you just find you have little left in common with people. You should of course try to re-establish contact with the girls that are still around but if it doesn't work out, no harm. When you get to college work on establishing new friendships (with as many different groups as feasible!) and when you find yourself in a new relationship be sure that you don't let the same thing happen again.