F**k Buddy question

LegacyUser

I met a guy back in March and after getting quite tipsy at a party we ended up getting kind of intimate, well passionate kissing! He asked for my number, didn't give it to him as I was heading back to work in Dublin the next week, so thought wouldn't see him again for ages if atall.
However he got my number through a mutual friend and since then he has been texting me very often. He asked if I would be into a F**k Buddy arangement, that he didn't want a girlfriend right now but he fancied me so much he couldn't stop thinking about me!!! I didn't say yes or no, but continue to text him and some are very sexual, but I have told him straight out that with me in Dublin and him the other side of the country that I prob wouldn't be the best for this as I would hardly ever see him, he didn't seem to mind this saying he wants no-one else and he will wait til whenever I get back home.
I am just finding this a little odd, why if he is so horny and up for sex is he not persuing a local girl so he can get it on tap rather than waiting months to see me? I know for a fact he isn't seeing anyone else. Plus he wouldn't have much time for anyone else the amount of time he spends textimg me!
Is this a usual F**k Buddy thing? I thought he would find someone whom he could see regularly or lives near him, why wait for me?

LegacyUser

Been in this situation & believe me you wont be the only person he is in contact with, even though he will swear that you are! How do you know he isnt seeing anyone else? If it's your friends telling you this, then they probably only see him out socially. If he's into the FBuddy thing, then he's probably in other girls houses, not out with them. Make sure this is what you really want before you get into it.

loloray

Unregistered wrote: »

He asked if I would be into a F**k Buddy arangement

Unregistered wrote: »

he didn't seem to mind this saying he wants no-one else and he will wait til whenever I get back home.

Are these two sentences not contradictory? If he wants no one else but you, and will wait for you . . . . then that's an LDR and not a f*ck buddy, right?

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I am just finding this a little odd, why if he is so horny and up for sex is he not persuing a local girl so he can get it on tap rather than waiting months to see me?

Is this a usual F**k Buddy thing? I thought he would find someone whom he could see regularly or lives near him, why wait for me?

because most woman would tell him to f**k off if he texted them asking to meet up just for sex, obviously he sees you as an easy target

Monkey61

Well I'm sure he could find someone locally, but he fancies you!

Just because someone wants to be in a f*ck buddy like arrangement with someone does not mean that they want to be in one with just ANYONE.

It seems pretty simple really. He really fancies you, he wants to sleep with you, but he doesn't want a relationship with you. He has said exactly that and I don't think it needs to be read into any further. Appreciate his honesty.

So go for it if you want to, but do so with your eyes open. Take what he has said at face value. Don't do it if you think you will develop further feelings or think that he might one day want more - because that is just asking for heartbreak.

Nitxteha

He does not respect you and if you buy his bulls**t you don't respect yourself either.

Most probably he has more like you or even a girlfriend..

Up to you if you want to be somebody's second best.

LegacyUser

He doesn't have a girlfriend. But it's possible he could have other casual flings going on.
I was stunned with his "proposal" cause the time we spent together he acted like a total sweetheart, never showing any sings he was just after me for sex.
The waiting for me til I get back could just be a line, I don't know. Also, could this just be the thrill of the chase? Would he be cool with chasing for 5 months and not even seeing me during this time?
I don't think I'm gonna go for the arrangement! But he is gorgeous and I do quite like our fun texts!!!

prinz

Unregistered wrote: »

He asked if I would be into a F**k Buddy arangement..... I would hardly ever see him, he didn't seem to mind this saying he wants no-one else and he will wait til whenever I get back home.

I bet he doesn't mind :pac:. Makes a great story for his mates though, you travelling across the country to put out for him... believe me that's exactly how it will be twisted. I've seen it happen. He'll do all the chasing but you'll be made out to be the desperate one begging for him.

Monkey61 wrote: »

It seems pretty simple really. He really fancies you, he wants to sleep with you, but he doesn't want a relationship with you. He has said exactly that and I don't think it needs to be read into any further. Appreciate his honesty.

He wants to use a girl for sex. Not that I necessarily disagree with you, at least he is being relatively honest.. but not completely imo.

Unregistered wrote: »

.. obviously he sees you as an easy target

There's definitely a grain of truth in that I think.

LegacyUser

prinz wrote: »

He wants to use a girl for sex. Not that I necessarily disagree with you, at least he is being relatively honest.. but not completely imo.

What about me using him for sex!!! I'm not looking for a relationship with this guy. He is a bit of eye candy!!!
But I'm thinking that maybe behind this macho " I only want you for sex" facade that he could possibly feel maybe something more for me, judging by the way he behaved the firt time we met.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

He doesn't have a girlfriend. But it's possible he could have other casual flings going on.
I was stunned with his "proposal" cause the time we spent together he acted like a total sweetheart, never showing any sings he was just after me for sex.
The waiting for me til I get back could just be a line, I don't know. Also, could this just be the thrill of the chase? Would he be cool with chasing for 5 months and not even seeing me during this time?
I don't think I'm gonna go for the arrangement! But he is gorgeous and I do quite like our fun texts!!!

Hi OP.

I find your posts curious. Because you have said so much about what he is looking for - but nothing about how YOU feel about it, whether YOU want to meet a guy just for sex.... ?

Everyone who posted already is absolutely correct. This guy may have other relationships. He may be a 'player'. He may be totally immature about relationships and just trying to add another one to his list. He is carrying god knows what infections round his circle of conquests...

Is this what you want ? do you have trouble meeting guys that you can build a relationship with ? Or are you just discussing his strategy for the sake of it ? which is fine by the way ...

All the best

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

What about me using him for sex!!! I'm not looking for a relationship with this guy. He is a bit of eye candy!!!
But I'm thinking that maybe behind this macho " I only want you for sex" facade that he could possibly feel maybe something more for me, judging by the way he behaved the firt time we met.

If you're thinking like this already then you're leaving yourself open to be hurt. He probably is a lovely guy & it's so flattering to the ego to get those texts & they do make you feel that he wants something more (I'm speaking from experience - actually we could be talking about the same guy from what you've said about him!) but I would say that it's just part of the chase for him. He has said outright that he doesn't want a relationship & you have to take this at face value or you will end up getting hurt if you go into this expecting more.

LegacyUser

my boyfriend has been doing this behind my back until I found it all. He's gorgeous, funny and yes, he has been texting girls for months without meeting them for the thrill.

Don't be so sure he has not a girlfriend. You are too innocent. How old are you?

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

my boyfriend has been doing this behind my back until I found it all. He's gorgeous, funny and yes, he has been texting girls for months without meeting them for the thrill.

Don't be so sure he has not a girlfriend. You are too innocent. How old are you?

I'm old enough to know!!! In my 20's and far from innocent! I find the texting without meeting a thrill too! I'm under no illusions of this ending in a happy relationship... I would find it a bit sick if I was just one of many though. I just think he is putting so much effort and time into contacting me that he wouldn't have the energy to be up to it with a few more.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

my boyfriend has been doing this behind my back until I found it all. He's gorgeous, funny and yes, he has been texting girls for months without meeting them for the thrill.

Don't be so sure he has not a girlfriend. You are too innocent. How old are you?

how do you know he hasn't met them?

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I would find it a bit sick if I was just one of many though. I just think he is putting so much effort and time into contacting me that he wouldn't have the energy to be up to it with a few more.

Hate to tell you but you probably are one of a few. He can spend more time on texting you because he's just starting out with you. Once you have sex with him once or twice, the texts will taper off until they are literally just to organise the next meeting, which is where he's probably at with other fbuddy(s)

LegacyUser

Heres my advice run for the hills fast.........

I met a guy just like the one you describe. Wanted the fun,, sex etc... didnt want a relationship

Even though he was a FB at the start, he sent loads of lovely texts, phone calls etc, this went on for ages and eventually turned in to a relationship

I pursued him and 4 years later, Ive a little baby who is disabled and I find myself a single parent......... its very very tough. He is involved in his childs life but only I feel because the family want to see the baby

Once a player, always a player and I know there will be people here who will disagree but I really thought my ex had changed. He didnt, they never do...

panda100

VaioCruiser wrote: »

Hi OP.

I find your posts curious. Because you have said so much about what he is looking for - but nothing about how YOU feel about it, whether YOU want to meet a guy just for sex.... ?

Everyone who posted already is absolutely correct. This guy may have other relationships. He may be a 'player'. He may be totally immature about relationships and just trying to add another one to his list. He is carrying god knows what infections round his circle of conquests...

Is this what you want ? do you have trouble meeting guys that you can build a relationship with ? Or are you just discussing his strategy for the sake of it ? which is fine by the way ...

All the best

Couldnt agree more with this post.

It sounds to me like your hopeful that this will turn into something more or he has deeper felings for you because of the amount of time he is spending texting you.
Please dont think this way. If this man wanted a relationship with you he would never ever have suggested a FB arrangment.
If a guy likes you he asks you out on a date, not a casual shag once in a while
Also on an aside, it really doesnt take much time and effort to send a text, there quite impersonal and it sounds like there nothing more than kinky suggestive messages.

LegacyUser

I understand what you're all saying and I tend to agree with you.

I'm just very confused as to what to do. I know I deserve more than to be seen as a casual shag, trust me I do have respect for myself. But I am happily single at the moment and am so tempted by this guy! I'm not looking for a relationship, esp with someone like him!

The main reason I thought he might have felt more for me is the way he treated me like a princess on our first meeting. Maybe whan I wouldn't give him my number or ask about meeting up again he might have thought I was not the type to be into relationships. I prob appeared very chilled that night!

Is it so wrong still in this day and age for a woman to be involved in a situation like this... sex for the sake of it?!!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I

The main reason I thought he might have felt more for me is the way he treated me like a princess on our first meeting.

Is it so wrong still in this day and age for a woman to be involved in a situation like this... sex for the sake of it?!!

You are contradicting yourself even in these two sentences so I'd say you are definitely not the right person to be going into this situation. It's not wrong for a woman to have sex for the sake of it but here & in previous threads you have indicated that you think he may be feeling more for you and that's where the danger lies.

LegacyUser

I'm well capable of seperating emotion from the purely physical.

I've had the occassional one night stand where it's been sex and I've never been tempeted to get emotional about the men involved. But then they didn't spend every hour of almost every day texting and calling me!

My friends have had F**k Buddy experiences and the guys never contacted them to the degree this one is me. Hell, my ex never used to be in touch with me this much!

He just seems overly keen if it's just a sex buddy he's after.

Wibbs

Yep, but he may want more than the standard FB arrangement. He may want to get you emotionally hooked for want of a better word. Then he's in charge. In a healthy FB relationship, it's an equal arrangement, again for want of a better word. He could also be a guy who requires some emotional stuff in a FB, but that's all he wants, he doesn't want a proper relationship, just the parts of a girlfriend that are fun(sex, cuddles, dates of a sort), but not the responsibility of an equal relationship.

While you say you can detach emotional from physical, in this case I don't think you can. You're very physically attracted to this man and the emotions are coming along for the ride(really for the want of a better word).

Men are often accused of being led by their pants, but women are too. IME just as much if not more, but it's couched in more emotive stuff.

If it was me I would be honest with myself and ask what I really wanted from this. The easiest way to answer that is to look at what I would be projecting onto this guy and IMHO you're projecting more than is evident. Now maybe he wants more, but if he does and you do, you have to establish that now, not down the line.

Hoping he'll come around because you're intimate, is the female version of the guy who thinks he can turn a woman "friend" into a lover. Rarely happens.

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this reply.

Two years ago I met a man who I was extremely physically attracted to, more than I'd been to anyone else ever before. I had a boyfriend at the time. I broke up with my boyfriend and the guy started pursuing me. He said from the start he wasn't into relationships but liked me more than anyone else he knew, fancied me more, only wanted to be with me etc. Now I knew deep down I wasn't cut out for a fbuddy type arrangement. I just don't have it in me. But on and on and on he went, pursuing me. I would get 80 to 100 texts a day from him, with me only responding to maybe 20. Just telling me all of this wonderful stuff about myself that of course I loved hearing. I finally caved about six months later. I convinced myself it was just a sex thing.

Our non-relationship continued for the last 18 months. I spent the whole of this summer staying over at his 3 or 4 times a week, watching movies together, talking all the time. We were more coupley than any couple I knew. But about a fortnight ago I realised that I was basically madly in love with him and he was still very definite about not having a girlfriend, or at least about not having ME as a girlfriend. I also realised that I'd wasted two years of my life in a half-assed excuse for a relationship, which was so emotionally unsatisfying, regardless of HOW good the sex was. It had stopped me from meeting anybody who wanted to be with me properly.

Hun, it sounds like on some level at least, you've feelings for this guy. And if you do, run for the hills. It will break your heart. If you like him now and start sleeping with him, you're highly likely to start liking him more and more. I don't think it's truly possible to emotionally detach from sex. Which is why true fbuddy relationships only really last a few weeks or a couple of months at the very most. Life is too short to be playing Russian roulette with your heart and your emotions. If he likes you so much why won't he be your boyfriend? What's so terrible about being in a relationship with somebody that you like?

My advice is don't do it. I regret everything about my arrangement. But am delighted I finally saw the light and got out of it. Sometimes people think that just because they put the fbuddy label on an arrangement, it gives them free reign to treat the other person however they want, however badly. It's very rare that somebody doesn't get very hurt in these situations and you should make sure that doesn't happen to you. If you must, have a one night stand with him, get him out of your system, but it all sounds pretty dicey to me.

puglover

I think the very fact that you've posted means you are already concerned that you might become more emotionally involved than you want to.

I know you've said that in the past you've been able to separate your feelings from physical acts but it won't be the same with every man and you can't help who you fall for.

I'd say you'd be best off letting this one pass you by

LegacyUser

You are hoping this is something more, I'm shocked that girls actually fall for this crap, blokes have standard lines they say, to try and get girls into bed

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm well capable of seperating emotion from the purely physical.

Obviously not this guy has clearly gotten to you on an emotional level, you are even defending his actions.

Unregistered wrote: »

why wait for me?

Unregistered wrote: »

but he fancied me so much he couldn't stop thinking about me!!!

Unregistered wrote: »

I was stunned with his "proposal" cause the time we spent together he acted like a total sweetheart, never showing any sings he was just after me for sex.

Unregistered wrote: »

that he could possibly feel maybe something more for me, judging by the way he behaved the firt time we met.

Unregistered wrote: »

I just think he is putting so much effort and time into contacting me that he wouldn't have the energy to be up to it with a few more.

Unregistered wrote: »

The main reason I thought he might have felt more for me is the way he treated me like a princess on our first meeting. Maybe whan I wouldn't give him my number or ask about meeting up again he might have thought I was not the type to be into relationships. I prob appeared very chilled that night!

Unregistered wrote: »

My friends have had F**k Buddy experiences and the guys never contacted them to the degree this one is me. Hell, my ex never used to be in touch with me this much!

Unregistered wrote: »

He just seems overly keen if it's just a sex buddy he's after

He wants easy no strings sex, of course he will do or say anything to get it. If someone really liked you they would never ask for just sex. Open your eyes.

Or maybe that one night he met you he fell hopelessly in love with you because you are so amazing, smart, funny, slim and hot and he's never really met anyone like you before. It was only one night but you are constantly on his mind, you had this connection and he can't get over you and just has to meet you again, even if it's only for sex.