Do I want more kids...

banjaxx

Help me decide if I want more kid(s) or not!

41yo guy - like most single guys looking for the right lady. Confident enough in the area of romance, so no reason why I shouldn't find her. Question I'm pondering though is: Do I want a lady who will bear me a child or not?

Currently have one child (though not seeing the child because of issues with her Mum - don't ask).

Had kinda decided that I don't need any more kids... my life is easy... why compromise it (do I really want to invest half the rest of my life raising children, do I really want the cost?)

Got plenty of young kids in my life (nieces/nephews) and they're all mad about me... maybe when I'm old and grey though it'll be a different story - who knows.

I'd probably be a good father, and I can imagine how wonderful it could be.
So am I looking for a woman who wants a child or not?... Be grateful for any responses which will ultimately help me answer this question for myself.

Thx
B

useful_contacts

banjaxx wrote: »

Help me decide if I want more kid(s) or not!

41yo guy - like most single guys looking for the right lady. Confident enough in the area of romance, so no reason why I shouldn't find her. Question I'm pondering though is: Do I want a lady who will bear me a child or not?

Currently have one child (though not seeing the child because of issues with her Mum - don't ask).

Had kinda decided that I don't need any more kids... my life is easy... why compromise it (do I really want to invest half the rest of my life raising children, do I really want the cost?)

Got plenty of young kids in my life (nieces/nephews) and they're all mad about me... maybe when I'm old and grey though it'll be a different story - who knows.

I'd probably be a good father, and I can imagine how wonderful it could be.
So am I looking for a woman who wants a child or not?... Be grateful for any responses which will ultimately help me answer this question for myself.

Thx
B

ha

sorry but you sound like my fiance "why bother- the cost- the noise bla bla bla"

You either want kids or not- i see my fella with his nephews and hes doting- but when we are with my nieces he pratically snarls. Your 41.... but men can produce kids until the day they die. Women have a few years to have kids- ages 16- 40(varies) , but men can have them from 10-death- not fair really but thats life.

you have 1 you dont see- if you have another it may be the making of you. but if you dont you may regret it- and at 50/60/70 hard to find a woman to have a baby with

ps--- "Do I want a lady who will bear me a child or not?"

WE ARE NOT ****ING MACHINES!!!!!!!!

cch

Eh? Is your reasoning based on your age? The fact that you're likely looking to meet someone who's mid to late thirties so you assume that all women that age are desperate to have a baby, and if you don't want another kid then you'll be limited to the ones that also don't?

You should decide for yourself "yes" or "no" definitively, then when you start going out with someone discuss it with her early-on-ish so there's no "I'm late thirties, want a kid, he doesn't, should I dump him?" thread (or the opposite) from her here some day!!

And +1 to the "we're not ****ing machines!"

Darthhoob

what about actually starting a relationship with someone, then seeing what happens. why do people feel the need to plan kids (or not) before actually finding a partner to have their future with?

when you meet that special lady you may find you want kids with her, or you may not want and kids at all. you wont know till then though tbh

herya

Well if you have a kid already you're not seeing (and you don't seem to be too bothered) I honestly can't see much point in trying for another kid.

cowzerp

The fact that you need to find out of weirdos and strangers on Boards give you the answer you need, NO.

VaioCruiser

banjaxx wrote: »

Help me decide if I want more kid(s) or not!

41yo guy - like most single guys looking for the right lady. Confident enough in the area of romance, so no reason why I shouldn't find her. Question I'm pondering though is: Do I want a lady who will bear me a child or not?

Currently have one child (though not seeing the child because of issues with her Mum - don't ask).

Had kinda decided that I don't need any more kids... my life is easy... why compromise it (do I really want to invest half the rest of my life raising children, do I really want the cost?)

Got plenty of young kids in my life (nieces/nephews) and they're all mad about me... maybe when I'm old and grey though it'll be a different story - who knows.

I'd probably be a good father, and I can imagine how wonderful it could be.
So am I looking for a woman who wants a child or not?... Be grateful for any responses which will ultimately help me answer this question for myself.

Thx
B

From your post you come across incredibly immature and socially inert. It would not be fair to any kid.

Don't have kids. Please !


All the best otherwise.

banjaxx

useful_contacts wrote: »

sorry but you sound like my fiance "why bother- the cost- the noise bla bla bla". You either want kids or not-
ps--- "Do I want a lady who will bear me a child or not?"
WE ARE NOT ****ING MACHINES!!!!!!!!

I have tremendous respect for women and didn't mean to suggest that you/ye are machines. The question is still valid though, even if clumsily exprssed.

cch wrote: »

Eh? Is your reasoning based on your age?
And +1 to the "we're not ****ing machines!"

Yes age (though I know 41 isn't v old these days), but additionally I have reason to think I may have health problems (probably a v long way admittedly) down the line.

herya wrote: »

Well if you have a kid already you're not seeing (and you don't seem to be too bothered) I honestly can't see much point in trying for another kid.

Why would you say that?.. It's a huge source of pain in my life that it is so difficult to see my child. But it's a separate issue.

Darthhoob wrote: »

what about actually starting a relationship with someone, then seeing what happens. why do people feel the need to plan kids (or not) before actually finding a partner to have their future with?
when you meet that special lady you may find you want kids with her, or you may not want and kids at all. you wont know till then though tbh

It's likely that I will find my lady through internet dating- and she will have declared in her profile whether she's having kids as desirable or not. Obviously if you know in your own mind exactly what you want yourself, it helps to identify who a successful prospective partner might be.

FWIW I've found internet dating a very positive experience - I've never met a woman who's been less than sincere on there.

cowzerp wrote: »

The fact that you need to find out of weirdos and strangers on Boards give you the answer you need, NO.

That's unhelpful- I'm primarily looking for insights which will help me answer the question for myself. I find the opinions of people on here as valid as anyone's.

Thx B

banjaxx

VaioCruiser wrote: »

From your post you come across incredibly immature and socially inert. It would not be fair to any kid.

Don't have kids. Please !

All the best otherwise.

I like the juxtaposition - suggesting someone is a mental mouse not deserving of children, then wishing them well!
Why would you bother saying something like that?

B

Darthhoob

banjaxx wrote: »

It's likely that I will find my lady through internet dating- and she will have declared in her profile whether she's having kids as desirable or not. Obviously if you know in your own mind exactly what you want yourself, it helps to identify who a successful prospective partner might be.

FWIW I've found internet dating a very positive experience - I've never met a woman who's been less than sincere on there.




Thx B

i have nothing against internet dating, or meeting people online, it's how i met my OH. i didn't want anymore kids at all till i met him...year later i was warming to the idea again (same thing about marriage, i didn't really believe in marriage till i met him either). love does weird thing to you

i see your point about the online dating thing though. but if you just stick a 'maybe' on your profile in regards to kids and be honest about your feelings towards them with the ladies you meet, if asked about children. thats about all you can do. you can't really say a yes or no without a good woman by your side as your feelings may change. if she doesn't want kids you may feel like you want them, if she does want kids you may feel you dont...life is a gamble my friend

VaioCruiser

banjaxx wrote: »

I like the juxtaposition - suggesting someone is a mental mouse not deserving of children, then wishing them well!
Why would you bother saying something like that?

B

Mm..I find it strange that you interpret my comments as insinuating you are a mental mouse because you are immature and not ready to have kids..
I simply responded to your post with my views on your situation as you requested.

I have no negative feelings about you whatsoever. You seem like a perfectly normal guy so why would I not wish you well ?

Your response is rather excessive and defensive I think, for a guy who is 41. It is very telling, however, and would tend to supports what I said about you quite a lot.

So I do wish you well.

LegacyUser

1) Try and sort out what ever issue you have with your childs mum so that you are at least part of the kids life , you will really regret it later if you don't. She will be grown up before you know it .

2) See 1 above before you decide you need to have another child.You will also need to discuss your partners need and desires for kids otherwise it will wreck any relationship if she gets broody and wants children and you don't